for Muslim men
to date women of other races
By Pierre Coda
It is not easy being
a young Muslim man right now, particularly if you are also in love with
a person of another religion/race. Interracial, inter-religion, and now on top of that, with all the discussion about young Muslim men in the media, it is hard for them to date women. Let us look at what Nadim in Seattle, Washington, is going
"I'm a 25 year old recent college graduate and let me add
that I am a Muslim from Asia. I am interested in a 31 year old American
woman (Related article:
How to make American
friends?) who is going to college where I used to go to last year. She's
currently single after breaking-up with her ex-boyfriend about a month ago.
We have basically been dating for about six months now and the outlook for
us to have a relationship is pretty attractive. I have several concerns
though, mostly about her apparent doubts to pursue a
a younger man.
To further complicate things, I'm Muslim. I am
looking for a possible commitment, but she reiterates the problems
should we decide to take the relationship to the next level. Yes, she knows
I like her, but I am not sure she knows how deeply and madly in love I am
with her. She's the woman of my dreams: demure, understanding, very giving,
somewhat reserved, rather introverted and a whole lot more. As you can
guess, I have much in common with her, although trivial, and some of these
similarities don't really mean anything. I just feel that people usually go
for people who are like them. On a personal level, I have so much respect
for her. (Related:
Her instincts tell her that I am an interesting
guy and she's also exploring the possibilities of an
relationship with me, but I am afraid that she has some issues that need
to be resolved before she pursues one. Since I liked her a lot I did
bit fast since I was afraid I might lose her to some other man. She says I'm
going too fast and I agree; so I volunteered to slow down. She also has
certain doubts that pursuing a relationship with me means that I'll neglect
her as soon as I hook up with her, that we'll have fights and stuff, you
know? But I just think she's being modest.
She had bad experiences
with her ex-boyfriend who was 10 years younger than her, and before him a
Muslim guy who hurt her. I am currently both younger than her (albeit by 6
years versus 10 for the previous guy), and of course, Muslim, which is now a
major issue. How can I convince her that my feelings for her are genuine? (Related:
She thinks I'm in all of this just for the fun of it. I
would love to have a committed relationship with her. Though she is warming
up to the idea of us together, I feel that I might need to communicate this
to her differently. Is there any way for me to express myself clearly that
would appeal to her emotionally? I am sincere and I just wish she knew
Our research has shown that the age gap is becoming less of an issue among many women but she can definitely have her own reservations about that no matter what the current trend is. There is little you can do about it except make sure that you do not come across as juvenile when you are with her. She is probably an intelligent woman and knows more about
relationships than you do.
From what you say, it does not seem that your being a Muslim has any impact on how she feels about you. However, it is good that you are aware of it and want to deal with it. To us, it seems that as long as you keep your religion out of the relationship and treat her religion with respect, you will be just fine. All Americans know that just following a certain religion does not make you a good or bad person.
(Related article: Learn
to appreciate the differences as a couple)
Even we agree that you are too excited about the relationship. While your enthusiasm is great and many women like it, sometimes it can also come across as desperation or scare others who typically like to take important decisions after a lot of thinking. She is not looking for
casual dating or a short-term relationship and that is why she needs time to think.
Here are a few things that you can do:
Slow down. Don't pursue her at such high speed.
Give her some time to think. Do not put any pressure on her to make up her mind. If she likes you too, she will not leave you just like that.
Don't be so self-conscious about your age or your religion. You are probably thinking more about these than she is.
Just think of dating her as something between a man and a woman.
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