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When most people
enjoy physical
intimacy, they are basically trying to please themselves. The reason is simple: we can only feel what is happening to us. If something feels good to us, we do it more often and more aggressively because we assume that if it is good for me, it is probably good for my partner too. That is not always true, as some of us have learned. Men and
women who have figured this secret out are often labeled as great lovers. Why? They have learned how to better understand the needs of the other person and do what it takes to please. In most cases, one is suitably rewarded for pleasing a partner.
It is not important that both
partners
climax at the same time or from similar activities. What is important is that both partners
climax from whatever works for them. For example, a woman might
climax through penetration while a man might climax through
something else. Well, their duty is to make each other climax separately rather than the man insisting that he will only have
THIS and the woman insisting that she will
only have THAT.
No one, particularly men,
likes to be told that she or he is not performing: they consider it as a direct attack on their
personality and get offended and defensive, making it even worse. I consider discovering each other's
sexual preferences
similar to discovering each other's tastes in food or music or types of vacations. Never assume anything. Not all
guys like beer,
pizza, and
comfortable sofas. You have to gradually ask the right questions and get the answers. Similarly, you have to give hints to your partner so that he learns about you. (Attention
Men: If you are reading this: Learn to ask questions and again be subtle about them since most
women are very shy to talk what they like in the
bedroom). |