When most people enjoy physical intimacy, they are basically trying to please themselves. The reason is simple: we can only feel what is happening to us. If something feels good to us, we do it more often and more aggressively because we assume that if it is good for me, it is probably good for my partner too. That is not always true, as some of us have learned. Men and women who have figured this secret out are often labeled as great lovers. Why? They have learned how to better understand the needs of the other person and do what it takes to please. In most cases, one is suitably rewarded for pleasing a partner.

It is not important that both partners climax at the same time or from similar activities. What is important is that both partners climax from whatever works for them. For example, a woman might climax through penetration while a man might climax through something else. Well, their duty is to make each other climax separately rather than the man insisting that he will only have THIS and the woman insisting that she will only have THAT.  

So what can these ladies do?

Since a man does not really know what pleases a woman, a woman has to tell him what works for her. It is possible to do so without sounding bossy or challenging his manhood. And a man who does not want to listen is probably not worth being your boyfriend or husband. So tell him exactly what works for you and how he should do it.  Be subtle in your approach. Be like a guide rather than a drill sergeant (Britney Spears in bed). Sometimes women do not like to approach this topic directly and this is perfectly understandable.  (Related:  How to make a woman hot)