Older man with youger woman

Adults should be able to decide who to date

On one hand, I am tempted to say that since she is 25, she really wouldn’t want to hear from you who she should date, and as an adult she should be left alone to make choices about her life (Remember Diane Keaton and Mandy Moore in the movie ‘Because I said so?’). I mean what makes you think that she may want to have children or this man may not want to have children? In other words, even if she were to date a man her age, there is no guarantee that the man may want kids or not change his mind later on. And of course there are couples with infertility issues and not everyone thinks that kids are critical to happiness in life.

Regarding the age difference, yes, it is nice to be somewhat in the same age range so that you have had somewhat similar experiences, grow old together (so that the younger partner is not alone for too long), and go through life as friends, but marriage is about compromises and if one finds fulfillment and happiness with an older partner, it is simply a compromise that one is willing to make. An older man maybe financially stable, mature, stable, and more secure of himself, thus, providing things that a woman may find more joyful, instead of marrying a man her age who maybe buried in debt, may not have a high-level job, and could be immature.

How to talk to your daughter without making her become defensive?

Having said that, as a mother who cares for her, and if you are close to her, it is not a bad idea to have a conversation as two adults with her about her choice. Just tell her your concerns but do not tell her what to do. All you want to do is to provide her with something to think about. That way she will appreciate the input but will not feel pressured to take a certain course of action. Maybe that will prod her to ask that to her boyfriend and clarify it, maybe she will dump him because of that, but the last thing young people want to have today are parents telling them who to date.

This woman wants to harass you so that you will get so frustrated and discouraged that you will simply go away leaving her son to her (it clearly reminds me of the other monster mother-in-law Sarah Palin who tried her very best to get rid of son-in-law Levi Johnston who was the father of her grandson Tripp with her daughter Bristol who became a teenage mom; there are reports that Todd Palin used threats and bribes to his daughter to breakup with Levi when the two were dating).  The key to dealing with this problem is that you should not fight with her at all and even avoid dealing with her.  You have to instead talk to your boyfriend and tell him to be a man and stop being a sissy by letting her mistreat you and her grandson.  I understand that your boyfriend is not financially independent but trust me if he stands up to her, this woman is so much in love with him that she will still not throw him out.  He has to stand up for himself and his family and that includes you and your son together.  If the birth certificate does not have his name as the biological father, then contact an attorney and straighten out the paperwork.   A DNA test to establish fatherhood may be needed.

I also want you to make sure that this boyfriend of yours does not use his mother as an excuse to abandon you and his son.  I would not be surprised if he secretly wishes that you two were gone from his life so that he can move on and is using his mother to make that happen.  I am not saying that is the case but I want you to think of this possibility and make sure that he is on your side.

To put together a meal that included scallops curry with avocado, baked squash, vegetables in coconut milk, and pecan pie, I needed to have an appropriate dining table decoration that would be ideal for a romantic dinner.  I used a runner from Morocco along with silk place-mats and put some candles in the center.  It was a great meal and led to a heavenly night.

I must confess that I am not a dessert person (therein lies my secret of being so slim) but for parties and festivities I do like to have home-made desserts.  About 10 years ago, I took a trip to New Orleans and discovered how delicious pecan pie could be and since then using a simple recipe from a book, I have been making it.  Believe it or not, it turns out great all the time and everyone loves it.

There are times when I like to mix the East and the West in the kitchen.  Using garlic, onion, tomatoes, and curry powder, I have learned to make Indian curries at home.  If you do not want to do it yourself, a variety of curry sauces are now sold in the ethnic food aisles of gourmet supermarkets.  Then I added the scallops and got a great looking and delicious scallops curry.  Just to add a touch of the West, I added slices of avocado and it provided a great contrast to the flavor.

When it comes to cooking I am very simple.  After eating dozens of times in Thai, Caribbean and Indian restaurants, I realized that I did like the coconut flavor.  That is when I decided that instead of having just steamed or stir fried veggies, I could provide more flavor by adding some coconut milk.  Here you see a mix of carrots, zucchini, and French green beans that have been slightly cooked in coconut milk along with salt and pepper.  If you like a little more exotic flavors, buy a coconut curry sauce in the ethnic food aisle of a gourmet supermarket.

Unfortunately my weekend was not so good.  I went home to the farm to see my mom.  I found that my dad had gotten violent.  He told both my sisters to leave the house.  Then he cut the supply of power to the other part of the house and cut the water supply as well. As though that was not enough, he removed the taps and put blocks so that no water flows into the house. He locked the toilet, our bedroom, and my brother’s bedroom.  He got all the pots, plates and put them in the pantry and locked it.  Mom was left alone in the house like a prisoner.  She did not eat for two days.  No water, no electricity alone in one of the rooms that she has been occupying.  Dad opened the door for my sister and me.  He then said go use the other door because it’s locked.  Dad looked so old, and wrinkled, darker and heavy bags under his eyes.  He looked ill.  I said,  “Dad, you don’t look well.”  He snapped back and said he was am fine.  I went the other entrance and mom opened the door.  She is even thinner and looked so frightened.  Anyway to cut the story short, I broke down the pantry door.  Sent my young sister to buy food.  Then we went to talk to dad.  Apparently my bro had just come in to visit with his girlfriend.  He stayed for a few minutes and left.  I asked dad for the keys to our bedroom because I wanted to get some documents.   He refused to give me and told me to get lost.  He acted like a mad man, I could not believe it.  Then I told him that what he was doing to mom was wrong.  I said you couldn’t treat another human like that even if they did something bad to you.  I said with the hatred in your heart you may end up doing worse things.  He got angry with me and told me to get out and he said I never want to see you again.  And then he said WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?  My sister answered and said she is your daughter.  He told her to shut up.  It was messy I tell you.  He then walked in the house and locked himself in.  I later left and my young sis decided to stay on for mom’s sake.

I went back yesterday and found that he had gone to report my sis to the police station that she had insulted him. He told them to lock her up.  So they called me. I went there. You know corruption; injustice is very common.  My dad must have paid them.  I tell you I don’t understand him.  So after I explained everything.  The officer apologized and we went back home. When I got back home the only words that kept ringing in my head was “who the hell do you think you are?’ I cried the whole night to sleep.  Well I have never stood up to my dad.  So I did.  And was he angry with me.  He could not believe it.  He tried to threaten me, he really intimidated me but I stood up. I was telling him the truth.  I think I am making progress.  At least he knows what I think.  I tell you it is unheard-of to tell my dad the truth.  He thinks he is always right.  What I hate the most about dad is that he loves to carry the Bible, does not miss Sunday service at his church and to quote scripture but he never practices it.  He is even worse than those who don’t go to church.

You know I don’t want to end up like my mom or my sisters, miserable and full of regret.  My mom says she gave up her life for me and for the rest of us.  It’s like I owe her.  She says she got pregnant with me and then decided to get married immediately and dad did not know she was pregnant.  I was born just in time that my dad did not suspect that he did not father me.  That is what she told me.  Anyway I asked if she told my biological dad.  She never did.  He died two years ago.  He never married and never had children.  So sometimes I wonder if he knew he had a daughter somewhere.  Would it have made a difference?  I don’t know.  I give so much to my family, money, time, support and even inconvenience myself.  That’s me.  Sometimes they are not even grateful.

I always told myself from this boyfriend that I don’t want another one who takes so much alcohol. He used to drink a lot. I was a Christian coming from a strong religious background.  I said Lord I promise I will not get another alcoholic. But it’s funny; I loved him.  But later I could not stand his behavior when he was drunk. He was a nuisance. He loved me and he was my first boyfriend.  He was the first guy I slept with and then I had a bad experience with that other famous guy. I understand he married that girlfriend of his and left the town.  We went out for 6 years. I was 17 when we met.  We had a physical relationship when I started working for the bank after 5 years in the relationship. I was very principled; I would never let a man touch me.  I don’t struggle with self-control. I can actually do without sex.  Then he went to do business in another country. He said he would make money and come get me; he never came to get me. I waited faithfully. Finished college, started work, and was still waiting for him.

Then I met this other guy. I used to see him when I was working for the bank.  He told me he was interested but it was not easy because I looked unapproachable. He says I was a tough cookie.  We once met and went out briefly. I broke it off before it started.

I told God I was going to be clean now. I wanted my clean, innocent life back; not garbage from the past. I could not shake him home. He was persistent for months.  Him and this other guy Ken. (Men trouble, huh?) I found our early than Ken was trying two of us and he made the other gal pregnant. My friend and his work mate told me about it. I confronted him. He had to say yes. So he was out of the race. He is married now with a son but he still wants me up to today. He says he loves me. I wonder do men actually know the meaning of the word LOVE. I doubt it!  So the poor wife thinks all is well. It’s just that he does not know where I work now; otherwise he would have been here.

So I decided to try the other persistent guy.  I don’t even know how it started. I fell in love with him. Another alcoholic. Same mess again! This time it was worse. He assured me that it was okay to sleep at his place. Then I learned to sleep out. Something I had never done in my life. He exposed me to the outside world, he took me places. I saw him rise to where he is today. I regret this so much.  He took me out of the country on my birthday. We were at the beach. He bought me clothes, gave me money.  He told me to stop getting money from my Dad as he had enough to give me.  I got this itch down there and I said oh my God I did not use protection. Went to the clinic. I had an STD. I could not believe it. I panicked. I wanted to kill him. I was told I was lucky. I was on drugs and even got a urinary infection. We were both treated.  Something died inside of me. I could not trust him. He said he loved me. I refused to ever sleep with him again. I went back home. My Mom talked to me every day. What happened to my little gal? My little angel.  Well, it took a while for me to get over this.  He pleaded and said he was sorry. He hated condoms.  So I said we use condom from now on. I forgave him. He said it was his ex girlfriend’s fault.  One day he raped me. I conceived. I was depressed. I could not keep it.  So I did not keep it. I almost died, again. I tell you God is merciful.  He still spared me. I am alive. He still wants to marry me, he says he loves me.  We don’t have sex anymore.