To put together a meal that included scallops curry with avocado, baked squash, vegetables in coconut milk, and pecan pie, I needed to have an appropriate dining table decoration that would be ideal for a romantic dinner.  I used a runner from Morocco along with silk place-mats and put some candles in the center.  It was a great meal and led to a heavenly night.

I must confess that I am not a dessert person (therein lies my secret of being so slim) but for parties and festivities I do like to have home-made desserts.  About 10 years ago, I took a trip to New Orleans and discovered how delicious pecan pie could be and since then using a simple recipe from a book, I have been making it.  Believe it or not, it turns out great all the time and everyone loves it.

There are times when I like to mix the East and the West in the kitchen.  Using garlic, onion, tomatoes, and curry powder, I have learned to make Indian curries at home.  If you do not want to do it yourself, a variety of curry sauces are now sold in the ethnic food aisles of gourmet supermarkets.  Then I added the scallops and got a great looking and delicious scallops curry.  Just to add a touch of the West, I added slices of avocado and it provided a great contrast to the flavor.

When it comes to cooking I am very simple.  After eating dozens of times in Thai, Caribbean and Indian restaurants, I realized that I did like the coconut flavor.  That is when I decided that instead of having just steamed or stir fried veggies, I could provide more flavor by adding some coconut milk.  Here you see a mix of carrots, zucchini, and French green beans that have been slightly cooked in coconut milk along with salt and pepper.  If you like a little more exotic flavors, buy a coconut curry sauce in the ethnic food aisle of a gourmet supermarket.

Unfortunately my weekend was not so good.  I went home to the farm to see my mom.  I found that my dad had gotten violent.  He told both my sisters to leave the house.  Then he cut the supply of power to the other part of the house and cut the water supply as well. As though that was not enough, he removed the taps and put blocks so that no water flows into the house. He locked the toilet, our bedroom, and my brother’s bedroom.  He got all the pots, plates and put them in the pantry and locked it.  Mom was left alone in the house like a prisoner.  She did not eat for two days.  No water, no electricity alone in one of the rooms that she has been occupying.  Dad opened the door for my sister and me.  He then said go use the other door because it’s locked.  Dad looked so old, and wrinkled, darker and heavy bags under his eyes.  He looked ill.  I said,  “Dad, you don’t look well.”  He snapped back and said he was am fine.  I went the other entrance and mom opened the door.  She is even thinner and looked so frightened.  Anyway to cut the story short, I broke down the pantry door.  Sent my young sister to buy food.  Then we went to talk to dad.  Apparently my bro had just come in to visit with his girlfriend.  He stayed for a few minutes and left.  I asked dad for the keys to our bedroom because I wanted to get some documents.   He refused to give me and told me to get lost.  He acted like a mad man, I could not believe it.  Then I told him that what he was doing to mom was wrong.  I said you couldn’t treat another human like that even if they did something bad to you.  I said with the hatred in your heart you may end up doing worse things.  He got angry with me and told me to get out and he said I never want to see you again.  And then he said WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?  My sister answered and said she is your daughter.  He told her to shut up.  It was messy I tell you.  He then walked in the house and locked himself in.  I later left and my young sis decided to stay on for mom’s sake.

I went back yesterday and found that he had gone to report my sis to the police station that she had insulted him. He told them to lock her up.  So they called me. I went there. You know corruption; injustice is very common.  My dad must have paid them.  I tell you I don’t understand him.  So after I explained everything.  The officer apologized and we went back home. When I got back home the only words that kept ringing in my head was “who the hell do you think you are?’ I cried the whole night to sleep.  Well I have never stood up to my dad.  So I did.  And was he angry with me.  He could not believe it.  He tried to threaten me, he really intimidated me but I stood up. I was telling him the truth.  I think I am making progress.  At least he knows what I think.  I tell you it is unheard-of to tell my dad the truth.  He thinks he is always right.  What I hate the most about dad is that he loves to carry the Bible, does not miss Sunday service at his church and to quote scripture but he never practices it.  He is even worse than those who don’t go to church.

You know I don’t want to end up like my mom or my sisters, miserable and full of regret.  My mom says she gave up her life for me and for the rest of us.  It’s like I owe her.  She says she got pregnant with me and then decided to get married immediately and dad did not know she was pregnant.  I was born just in time that my dad did not suspect that he did not father me.  That is what she told me.  Anyway I asked if she told my biological dad.  She never did.  He died two years ago.  He never married and never had children.  So sometimes I wonder if he knew he had a daughter somewhere.  Would it have made a difference?  I don’t know.  I give so much to my family, money, time, support and even inconvenience myself.  That’s me.  Sometimes they are not even grateful.

I always told myself from this boyfriend that I don’t want another one who takes so much alcohol. He used to drink a lot. I was a Christian coming from a strong religious background.  I said Lord I promise I will not get another alcoholic. But it’s funny; I loved him.  But later I could not stand his behavior when he was drunk. He was a nuisance. He loved me and he was my first boyfriend.  He was the first guy I slept with and then I had a bad experience with that other famous guy. I understand he married that girlfriend of his and left the town.  We went out for 6 years. I was 17 when we met.  We had a physical relationship when I started working for the bank after 5 years in the relationship. I was very principled; I would never let a man touch me.  I don’t struggle with self-control. I can actually do without sex.  Then he went to do business in another country. He said he would make money and come get me; he never came to get me. I waited faithfully. Finished college, started work, and was still waiting for him.

Then I met this other guy. I used to see him when I was working for the bank.  He told me he was interested but it was not easy because I looked unapproachable. He says I was a tough cookie.  We once met and went out briefly. I broke it off before it started.

I told God I was going to be clean now. I wanted my clean, innocent life back; not garbage from the past. I could not shake him home. He was persistent for months.  Him and this other guy Ken. (Men trouble, huh?) I found our early than Ken was trying two of us and he made the other gal pregnant. My friend and his work mate told me about it. I confronted him. He had to say yes. So he was out of the race. He is married now with a son but he still wants me up to today. He says he loves me. I wonder do men actually know the meaning of the word LOVE. I doubt it!  So the poor wife thinks all is well. It’s just that he does not know where I work now; otherwise he would have been here.

So I decided to try the other persistent guy.  I don’t even know how it started. I fell in love with him. Another alcoholic. Same mess again! This time it was worse. He assured me that it was okay to sleep at his place. Then I learned to sleep out. Something I had never done in my life. He exposed me to the outside world, he took me places. I saw him rise to where he is today. I regret this so much.  He took me out of the country on my birthday. We were at the beach. He bought me clothes, gave me money.  He told me to stop getting money from my Dad as he had enough to give me.  I got this itch down there and I said oh my God I did not use protection. Went to the clinic. I had an STD. I could not believe it. I panicked. I wanted to kill him. I was told I was lucky. I was on drugs and even got a urinary infection. We were both treated.  Something died inside of me. I could not trust him. He said he loved me. I refused to ever sleep with him again. I went back home. My Mom talked to me every day. What happened to my little gal? My little angel.  Well, it took a while for me to get over this.  He pleaded and said he was sorry. He hated condoms.  So I said we use condom from now on. I forgave him. He said it was his ex girlfriend’s fault.  One day he raped me. I conceived. I was depressed. I could not keep it.  So I did not keep it. I almost died, again. I tell you God is merciful.  He still spared me. I am alive. He still wants to marry me, he says he loves me.  We don’t have sex anymore.

One day Mom told when I turned 29 that Dad was not my father. My heart broke.

My sister has two kids. Her marriage is on the rocks. She is at the farm.  My elder sister’s daughter is a big gal. She suffers from a heart problem.

My baby sister studied journalism. Works freelance. Once went through depression and was sent to a mental institution for two years.

My elder brother studied economics and demography.

My baby bro is still in secondary school; he is 14 years old.

My mom is not the same – depressed. Dad is old now; he is 60. Has brought another wife from the countryside.

I am trying to rebuild my life. I am the only one in formal employment with an income.

My Dad got into debt. Sold the house in town, sold the tractor, ploughs, and cars. Laid off some workers. And got to zero. We had to learn to use public transport.

I resigned from my company because of racist remarks and no room for advancement. Went to work at another company but my boss – this old man – was onto me. Ouch. He couldn’t get any joy. Then a new boss came on the scene. My God, he said I was a sexy woman, and that he wanted to make love to me in the office itself. I refused. He got frustrated and reported to the police that I had stolen money from his office. I went through investigations. I was proved innocent. I resigned.

While the investigation was going on, he transferred me to anther town, by then I was in college part time. Stayed for 6 months and then I got this job. I work as an admin assistant today. I am trying to make a new beginning. Yes, at 30 today. Yes, even here they try to get in your pants but at least now I am able to deal with some of this stuff. I think it won’t go away. I need to handle it. My life today is very quiet. I keep to myself a lot. I go to church. Talk to my pastor but not as deeply. I read my Bible and it helps me a lot too. I get proposals of marriage. I don’t know what to think of them. To be honest sometimes I don’t like it. Sorry but I have been through so much.

Today I am more mature, stronger and trying to find myself. I have to get there.

“I was born on 15th February 1974.  My maternal Grandparents used to live close to us.  We stayed with Grandpa and Mom till Dad came to get us and we went to another town where my Dad was working.  My dad says he wanted me and Mom to go with him but I was so fragile they thought traveling by road with a newborn baby was dangerous.  So my Dad decided that me and Mom fly and he and my elder sister traveled by road there.  Dad loves this story; he always tells me about it.  I used to love listening to it.  My dad was previously married and he had a daughter (my elder sister).  Mom adopted my sis when she was about 11 months old.  So she knew my Mom as her real mom.  I did not even know she was my stepsister until later on when we were grownups, as mom never segregated us.  Mom was young; she was 19 when I was born.  She had two little children to look after.  She would always say I never wanted or took breast milk so they had to buy me milk.  On all my baby photos I was with a bottle.

My Mom says I was a very different child. I wanted to be independent and was very responsible. When she would take my sis and me to clinics, I would want to walk and carry the bag.  She says it was not easy having two little kids who still needed the mother’s attention.  My young sis used to cry a lot.  My elder sis was rather a quiet child.  At one time as we were growing up, me and my elder sis were busy playing in the garden.  We were busy putting flowers over this new found “toy” we were calling a baby.  We were so busy with my elder sis in the garden with this ‘toy’.  Then my Dad decided to go and see what the children were doing.  He was shocked to find that we were with a big  and deadly poisonous snake.  He lifted both my sis and me by our little limbs and threw us in the house.  My Mom was shocked as she was in the house with a little baby i.e. my sis and my Dad rushed to get a gun and went to kill it.  Dad or Mom never forgot this.  She says I must have been the one who initiated this game and my elder sis followed suit.  Because I was very daring. It’s funny how I never got hurt, killed or beaten.  My Mom just wondered.

I tell you God preserved me for a purpose.  We moved to a new town and my Dad started working for a bank.  I still see that house whenever I travel and it brings back a lot of memories of my childhood.  I started school there.  I so much wanted to go to school because my elder sis used to go with a uniform and a bag.  I wanted that too.  I tell you, as I write this, tears stream from my eyes and I don’t know why.  It’s like I am opening up to something.  We were all excited.  By then my other sis was also born.  We were now four girls.  My Mom and all my little sisters and an aunt we used to stay with escorted me to start my grade school.  Mom was so proud to see her little girl go to school.  It was nearby just a short distance.  So we walked.  I carried my little bag with a lunch box in it.  Mom used to bake a lot.  Yes, and I had a small bear shaped plastic drink bottle.  Goodness I can remember.  We were happy.  Mom had a garden and Dad used to take photographs of us in the garden.  I still have all those photos.  I remember.  Mom or the aunt we used to stay with would pick us up from school.  Or my elder sister would walk home with me.  I used to like wearing this white vest, which used to reach my knees.  I learned to wash my clothes quite early.  Mom says I used to learn things quickly more than my other sisters.  Every evening I would wait for my Dad till he came from work. I would run up to him in my vest and until he carried me inside the house.

One day I saw my parents quarrel.  My Dad was drunk.  I was scared.  He used to drink a lot.  I remember I once saw this the time we were staying in another town.  Yes, we used to move a lot.   My dad says he had a rough upbringing.  He is the only child.  His father died a long time ago and he remembers very little about him.  I think he was 7 or 8 when he died.  His mother remarried and left him with his father’s relatives.  He changed homes a lot there.  He was beaten, starved; he used to walk long distances to school, to fetch water, to help with cattle.   He never wore shoes but he was very hardworking.  His Uncle took him from the village so that he could go to school.  He had been educated, he was a teacher and so he took his little nephew and educated him.  The wife of his uncle was cruel to him but he stayed on.  He was put in boarding school so that was a bit of a relief to be away from home.  He excelled, as he was very intelligent.  He did well enough to go to the university.  He attended university for a year and then he says his mother was suffering and she needed his care.  So he decided to stop.  His friends tried to make him stay on and complete his college but he said no.  He decided to look for a job. He found one and got a house and started looking after his mother.  Later on his mother remarried and then he went back to school.  He did his diploma and then got married to my sister’s mom.  They had problems and she left him with a baby.  Then he met my Mom and they got married.

My Grandparents loved me so much as I was their daughter’s first child.  All their kids had grown up and they were lonely.  So stayed with them for a while.  One day, my Mom and grandparents and my great Grandma were seated outside.  My uncle called me inside. He used to like me a lot.  I was a bit chubby and cute at 5 and very sharp kid.  My Mom used to dress me up in short skirts and I had long hair, which my Mom would braid.

It was during this period that I was raped by my uncle.  That incidence never bothered me but I always wondered what uncle had done to me. I never said a word.  I grew up well taken care off by my parents.  I was very intelligent in school. I did very well in school. I always used to be at the top of my class.  My parents were so proud of me. My parent loved me so much.  My siblings too.  They all looked up to me.  My Dad decided to give us awards on the day whenever school results came out to encourage us.  I always scooped the best prize.  Mom always bought me something special on my birthday.

One day I won a drawing competition and my Dad was so proud of me.  I could not get the prize because my Dad was one of the judges so they had to do another draw.  Dad bought me a wristwatch all wrapped up just for me.  It had a yellow belt and Santa Claus picture inside. It was not a toy but a real wristwatch. I couldn’t wait to show off at school.  Every one envied this, so did my sisters. One day a young boy, though older than us, came home and asked for my Dad.  My parents had a fight.  This boy was my father’s son. He was much older than all of us.  He had this boy when he was in school and abandoned him with his mother.  Mom asked how many more surprises do you have for us.  We adjusted but it was not easy.  Dad said this is your brother.  He was later sent to boarding school; we saw little of him.  My Grandma used to live with us.  Besides she has been living with us all our lives.  A thorn in the flesh for my mother.  She is dad’s mom. She has always been marrying and remarrying.  Never had kids in all her marriages.  Only Dad.  She loves him and can’t let him go.  I always prayed that I don’t marry a man who will keep his wife like the hell my mom went through.

My Mom’s sister went through college (Mom paid) and then she got married and left for another state.  My uncle (yes, the one who raped me) went to university, studied to become a surgeon, and later left for the UK to do his masters.  He broke many hearts and finally settled for this older woman he had made pregnant and she refused to let go.  They have twin girls and a son.  Today he is separated and is dating a much younger woman that he lives with and his three kids.  He lectures at the university.  Uncle is a well-respected doctor now.  He not only had sex with me but later with my young sisters, my elder sister, my cousins and finally my aunt.  His cousin.  This one was more like an affair.  They bathed together too in the night when they would tell my parents that they were studying.  We only discovered this as we talked with my sisters.  We never told Mom because we were afraid.  She loved her brother and she used to beat us a lot.

We moved to the farm and sold the house in town.  My Dad got his college and later got more promotions; our lives eve got better.  He traveled a lot. He bought cars.  Got us a driver, sent my kid brothers to expensive schools.

We grew up and started noticing boys.  Somehow I got big hips and breasts in Grade 9.  Boys started noticing me.  I hated it. I was 15 years. Then I started going to parties, sleeping at my friends’ houses; of course my friends would have to ask my Mom for permission.  I lost interest in school, my grades dropped from top of class to middle, and then further down. I didn’t care; I was 16 years old and excited.  Mom banned me and said I will only go out when I am 21 years but I could go to picnics and parties up to 6 PM and she would pick me up; not the driver anymore.  We had allowances from Dad.

I had a boyfriend in the neighborhood when I was 17, my first boyfriend.  We used to kiss on the road and take walks.  My parents hoped I would go to university but did not make the grades. I was a party girl now.  Got proud too.  Every boy wanted to date me.  I was excited and wondered why I was getting so popular. Started wearing makeup.  All this time I never had sex. I made sure of that.  I liked seeing them beg. My elder sis was already having sex but I did not know.  She even went through an abortion. I started picking up her ways.  She would take me everywhere.  We got in cars of her boyfriends.  But she never allowed me to have a man or boyfriend.  “Do as I say not as I do,” she said, “You are a good gal, don’t mess yourself up.” I obeyed. I was a very obedient girl.

My parents became Christians and Dad stopped drinking.  We started going to church. I hated this a lot.  I couldn’t wait for the service to come to an end.  Sometimes we would leave church and go out and be back before the service ended.  My sister started working in a bank.  Later on after completing secondary school and staying at home for a year I got a job in a bank as well.  I was spoiled. Dad would pick me and up and my sister from our places of work. The money was meant for clothes, makeup, shoes, hairdos, etc.

At the bank I came in touch with the real world. I had men hitting on me every day.  It made me sick. It got worse. Older men, promising me the world. I was stubborn; I never said yes to any of them.  Then I discovered that men found me attractive; they thought I was beautiful.  So hearing the words ‘you are pretty, you are beautiful’ became normal for me.  I said to myself ‘so I am beautiful.’  Sometimes I would be told ‘I want to sleep with you.’  By the way I still have to deal with this today.  My workmates tried and but I said no. I was a Christian, though sometimes I would be un-Christian.

I once met this guy; I have just remembered. I liked him. He took me to his house and he slept with me. I cried because he did what I had always managed to avoid. Then one day later he called me and told me that we can’t see each other.  He had a girlfriend and she found out.  He was a famous guy in town. Everybody wanted him; I didn’t know.  I was excited but he broke my heart.  Later he tried to come back but I had stopped work. The bank closed. There was no contact.  Every time I would call him he would say he would call me back.  Imagine you say no to all guys and then just one day so I said never again will I let another man do that to me.

Yes, I was unfaithful to my boyfriend.  We first had sex with my BF when I was 23. I did not like it, so we stopped.  After the bank closed, I didn’t want to work because the pressure I got from men was too much from me and I wanted to leave town.  So I went to a small town and to college there with Catholic nuns.  I studied secretarial services. I was there for two years.  I learned so much. Had my bad times and good times there, but I grew up. Because it was the first time to leave home, I was lonely.

One day I wrote a letter to my sister. It was very personal and they read it in the dorm. I hated the girls in the dorm who got and read it to all the others.  They mocked me that I was alone and had no friends.  All these experiences have hardened me a lot. I am rarely moved. I went home on holiday and met my boyfriend.  We had sex. He never visited me at college. I went back to college. I had conceived. I panicked. My college mates had an idea but I managed to hide it. I put on so much weight. After three months I went on holiday. I met him and the first thing he said was problematic for me. I went to a doctor. I had no money and I opted for an abortion. He said it was not okay. My boyfriend came to the hospital and begged me not to. But he had no job; he lied that he had finished school. He was living with his parents.  I panicked.  I did it. But it was not properly done. I went home. Told my elder sister but by then she was pregnant too and her boyfriend had abandoned her. She had no money. We were stuck; my boyfriend had no money too. My life was ruined.

I recovered and went back to college. During the break, I came back and I was anemic. Lost too much blood.  I went to the family clinic for medical exam because my heart was beating irregularly. It was discovered that I had severe anemia.  The doctor called Dad. He rushed home. I was taken into ICU.  Put on drugs to get back to my normal level of blood.  The consequences of what I had done took its toll on me.  It took a while to come to terms with it. My boyfriend said he would not forgive me.  He eventually came back and said sorry I left you alone but I was scared too. I did not want problems; you see we both were young. I told him I kept myself for you but this is the thanks I get.  He then left the country and started dealing in fast cars (stolen) for a while. I rarely saw him.  I graduated from college. Found a job as a receptionist with a group of investors.  The fat sales director found me sexy.  I hated men even more after my bad experiences.

Whenever I tried to commit something went wrong.  I started meeting men again but was more careful.  Later I met another guy. He talked me into leaving my high-school BF.  I did because I never knew where he was anyway.  I never saw him for 3 years. He used to call first once a month, then every three months, then every six months, then it was never at all. He once showed up and bought me all these pretty clothes. After thinking over it. I decide to break up. He was heart broken.  He eventually got hooked up with another gal, got her pregnant and he is with her now.  He met me recently and asked if I would consider getting back with him. He calls me a lot and tells me how much he regrets having left me, that he still loves me, but I said I have moved on.

Then my new BF became very possessive.  He never wanted me to say hi to anybody.  He cut me off from my friends.  I started sleeping out at his place.  My Mom had lost her innocent gal. By the way after that even Mom cried in my face and said why couldn’t you tell you me you were pregnant?

After frustration with this man, then one day I met Victor.  For the first time I had someone who understood me.  We talked a lot.  We both fell in love.  For the first time, I was sure about a man.”