Life has gotten a bit high stress here the last week and I’ve got a lot of details to give and some of which, knowing who reads my blog will be vague.
The basics. . .
Joanne and I should be traveling out of state this next week to pick up our next baby, an almost 10 month old baby girl who we’ll be naming Zoey Leah. Truthfully, our knowledge about her is a little limited until we’re with her face to face and before you ask, no I don’t have a picture to share…yet!
We know that her birth-Mom has had her all of these months and has decided that she can no longer do it. From time to time she eats cereal but has not had any real baby food. At her last doctors appointment when she was 6 months old, she was healthy and weighing in at a very tiny 13 lbs. We hear she’s crawling but again we’re not sure how well. Can you imagine the look of a 13 lb baby crawling?
In addition to our new arrival of Zoey, her birth-Mom is pregnant. She’s due on February 26th and would like to also give up the new baby for adoption. We’ve agreed to take that baby as well.
So, in a matter of a few very short months we’ll be the parents to 3. It would figure that Joanne and I just sold everything we had for an infant with the exception of Zadey’s old crib which has been setup in Zadey’s room for Malia to sleep in when we were still babysitting here.
Nerves have certainly kicked in and my family has been so so awesome. However, because of a previous burn with a second adoption we’ve been careful about who we’re telling. I didn’t even have intentions to blog about all of this until Zoey came home with us. But the truth is I’m bursting inside with joy and nerves.
Mom and Dad went shopping last night to pick up some essentials for us. Morgan still had clothing from Malia that will work for the rest of the summer, and we’ll of course, add more to the pot to have everything Zoey needs right away.
I’m not sure how to react at the moment. I’m so excited but I can feel inside how hesitant I am based on the previous burn. More than anything else in the world, I want this. And therein lies my concern, I do want this and I did not take lightly to Zadey’s birth-Mom telling us we were about to have another only to quickly rip that away from us.
That hurt and sometimes, still does.
It’s an uncanny thing to hear things like “I don’t love my child” when all you want is children surrounding you. It’s difficult to hear of others say how they’re pregnant by accident and are not sure if they’re excited about it.
These types of situations make me scream inside. There are thousands of couples in the world (Joanne and I included) that simply don’t go to bed one night and one day a month later say “OOPS!” It’s difficult to fathom, when in this situation, how others can be so unsure of having a child they clearly didn’t do much to prevent.
I’m sure that I’m one of a million Mothers or want-to-be Mothers who think and feel this way. And because of these types of situations I’m not sure that I’ll ever step into another adoption with the same amount of confidence that we had with Zadey. It was a sure bet, no doubt. Her birth-Mom was living with us and every step of the way she was “your daughter” out of her birth-Mom’s mouth.
Now the certainty is just not there. And the previous experience has robbed me of confidence. However I’ll keep my calm, hope and pray, and inside slightly be excited while waiting to go pick up our new baby girl.