How to adopt a child
Tonight as I read to Joanne my blog posts from earlier today I realized something that I had pushed to the back of my mind that probably needed some dealing with.
My post regarding Deanna sent Joanne to tears.
Last year, when we had found out that Deanna had the second baby that was to be ours the realization that she was taking her away from us as quickly as she gave her to us was a long and hard grieving process.
We spent countless hours crying, being upset and just going through the motions of dealing with life and taking care of our precious Zadey.
Just before Christmas when my Mom came to visit us, Joanne and I were near our wits end with each other. It was the first time in our relationship and years together that we thought we might end our relationship, our marriage, and parenting together.
We were both scared and grieving but were not handling the situation together. She felt alone and so did I even though our pain was over the same situation.
When my Mom came to visit, she really helped us get to the root of the issue. And when we realized that our problem was the pain we both felt we decided to talk about it. When something made her upset or sent her spinning back into grieving mode she talked me about. In return, I did the same.
By the time we moved to California in February we had dealt with a lot of the pain. But we were left with the overwhelming need to have more children.
I have no way to explain what it feels like to know that you cannot have children and the only person that you know that shouldn’t be having children is tormenting you with the idea of having more of your own. During this time, it was as though Joanne and I were mourning a death.
It was more than a loss. She was going to be our last baby. This tiny little girl that we debated over accepting the idea of adopting meant more to us without a face than many other people in our lives.
We named her, Zoey Leah. The name had careful consideration. Leah is after my Step-Mom, Margaret Leah. We loved the name Zoey and knew that we’d end up calling her Zoe as we call Zadey, Zae.
After her adoption, we weren’t going to do it anymore and our family would be complete.
I purchased the domain name, ZoeyLeah.com just like I had purchased ZadeyJade.com. We started spending a lot of time shopping. And because she was to be born at the change of seasons, I picked up a lot of matching outfits for her and Zadey.
At just 13 months apart, I couldn’t wait to have pictures of my girls in matching outfits. To bathe them at night and put them to bed in their matching pajamas. I was excited that years from now, Zadey would be handling her adoption with a biological sibling who had also been adopted. That she wouldn’t go through it alone and that she would never meet her birth-Mom and have to wonder “why did she keep her and not me?” I was excited to have both of them in my life and couldn’t wait for the adventure of 2 babies in our house!
Joanne and I relished each month with Zadey leading up to Zoey’s birth because she was quickly going to have a sibling and we didn’t want to miss a beat with our girl.
We planned, quickly! Our apartment was only a 2 bedroom and we thought soon that we needed to finally buy that house that we wanted. That even though we were going to have girls, they shouldn’t share a room forever.
I made countless lists of what I need to have duplicate of. Whatever Zadey was still using I had to purchase a second. And most of all, we found the PERFECT outfit to bring her home from the hospital in. We still have the outfit as I can’t bare to part with it.
By the time we knew she was going to be ours we only had 2 months to go. We had to go for it quickly and we did!
One evening, I got a call from Deanna’s ex-husband who had been in court that day with Deanna in California. I was looking forward to hearing the result of the court hearing and I knew that Deanna’s due date was only days away.
I remember hearing his voice. I knew he was going to say something he didn’t want to. And I knew he was going to tell me that there was a tiny little baby in court with Deanna and he did. After hearing out the court procedures had gone, I hung up. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t hold it together. And from that moment, Joanne and I started our grieving process.
What I didn’t know until today is that Joanne only appears to be over this entire situation because she has chosen to no longer think about it. What sucks is that I get it.
I’m starting to believe that while we have not lost a moment of treasuring what’s happening with Zadey and enjoying every moment of her, we need to focus on fixing this heart break for the both of us so that we do not end up in the same spot we were in last year.
Additionally, I need to remember Joanne’s feelings when dealing with Deanna and her baby. Because even though I can pretend I’m not looking at her as though she should be mine, I believe Joanne would lose her composure to see her and that’s just not right.
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To whom it may concern:
Hello my name is Temukisa Sini, I am trying to get some information on adopting a child, what do I do?
we have a son, we had him since birth until now…
my husband sister is the biological mother, but she gave him to us, because we could not have kid’s of our own.
But the thing is, we have not done any adoption paper.
Can you please help me out and how to go by fixing my son paper as an adopted parents, please!
I thank you for your time and you have a pleasant day!
Thank you
Mrs Temukisa Sini