Abused by my sister
Caroline writes, “My fears have been in my mind since I was little. My sister was very cruel to me and would say the most hurtful things to me, such as: “you are so fat and ugly, you should have never been born, I don’t know why you have a boyfriend he doesn’t even like you, you will never be pretty, and you will never be skinny, you are so stupid, you will never achieve anything.” With all of this said, it really hurt me inside and out. It was from the time I was in 7th grade till my senior year in high school. She was always on my back bringing me down and never letting me do what I wanted to do in peace.
Once she went off to college my sophomore year in high school, I felt like I was free until she came home every weekend and made my life miserable with the same comments of you are so “ugly and fat.” It wasn’t fair for me especially since I am very sensitive and take everything to heart. I would never say anything back; I would just walk away and then cry. I loved my sister and never said anything so hurtful to her before. After I graduated she was angry that I got into a better university than she did, so she decided that she was going to transfer to my school, I was so upset because I felt like she was never going to let me be my own person without her.
Once she came to school with me it got worst. My parents wanted us to live together and I didn’t. I tried my hardest to tell my parents that it’s not a good idea but they said that it would be easier on them, so I did. I ended up failing 3 out of 4 classes because of her always tearing me down and hiding my books and homework from me and saying that if I didn’t clean the dishes or whatever, that I wouldn’t be doing any of my work so I started to put everything in my car so that she couldn’t hide them from me but then she started to lock me out of the apartment from the inside with the latch and everything so I wasn’t able to get in the apartment. So I called my dad and he was very angry and didn’t know what to do since he is 2 hours away. Then I called campus security and they ended up breaking a window in order to let me in (it was the worst semester of my life).
After that semester I moved out of the apartment and moved in with my best friend. After I moved out my grades improved tremendously but it was still a rough battle. My sister ended up getting kicked out for partying too much.
I have been sister free since she left. After she left, I was free and then she was put on medicine for her mood swings. Since then we have been best friends. She constantly tells me that she is really sorry for how she treated me and regrets everything she has ever said to me. She now tells me that she loves me and cares about me, and that I am beautiful, but it’s really hard to bounce from being torn down to being okay. I have been suffering with this since I was little and it’s still there 
What can she do to put the abuse behind her?
If you have not already watched it, I recommend that you watch the movie “Rachel Getting Married.”
While I strongly believe in the power of forgiving and moving on, I want you to be cautious about your sis. Do not let her derail your recovery and transformation. You can try to be there for her considering that she is your sister, but in the end you want to be independent of her and pay no attention to her critique or praise.
And while there is no time pressure for you to do it, I want you to write down a long letter to your sister (that you will, obviously, never give her to read). Say what you want to tell her (please save it as a password protected file on your computer or if you write on paper then store it in a safe place). Pour out all your anger and frustration. Do not worry about the language or feelings. This suggestion came from another girl in your situation who did the same for a family member and she feels that after getting it out of her system by writing it down, she has moved on.
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