I always told myself from this boyfriend that I don’t want another one who takes so much alcohol. He used to drink a lot. I was a Christian coming from a strong religious background. I said Lord I promise I will not get another alcoholic. But it’s funny; I loved him. But later I could not stand his behavior when he was drunk. He was a nuisance. He loved me and he was my first boyfriend. He was the first guy I slept with and then I had a bad experience with that other famous guy. I understand he married that girlfriend of his and left the town. We went out for 6 years. I was 17 when we met. We had a physical relationship when I started working for the bank after 5 years in the relationship. I was very principled; I would never let a man touch me. I don’t struggle with self-control. I can actually do without sex. Then he went to do business in another country. He said he would make money and come get me; he never came to get me. I waited faithfully. Finished college, started work, and was still waiting for him.
Then I met this other guy. I used to see him when I was working for the bank. He told me he was interested but it was not easy because I looked unapproachable. He says I was a tough cookie. We once met and went out briefly. I broke it off before it started.
I told God I was going to be clean now. I wanted my clean, innocent life back; not garbage from the past. I could not shake him home. He was persistent for months. Him and this other guy Ken. (Men trouble, huh?) I found our early than Ken was trying two of us and he made the other gal pregnant. My friend and his work mate told me about it. I confronted him. He had to say yes. So he was out of the race. He is married now with a son but he still wants me up to today. He says he loves me. I wonder do men actually know the meaning of the word LOVE. I doubt it! So the poor wife thinks all is well. It’s just that he does not know where I work now; otherwise he would have been here.
So I decided to try the other persistent guy. I don’t even know how it started. I fell in love with him. Another alcoholic. Same mess again! This time it was worse. He assured me that it was okay to sleep at his place. Then I learned to sleep out. Something I had never done in my life. He exposed me to the outside world, he took me places. I saw him rise to where he is today. I regret this so much. He took me out of the country on my birthday. We were at the beach. He bought me clothes, gave me money. He told me to stop getting money from my Dad as he had enough to give me. I got this itch down there and I said oh my God I did not use protection. Went to the clinic. I had an STD. I could not believe it. I panicked. I wanted to kill him. I was told I was lucky. I was on drugs and even got a urinary infection. We were both treated. Something died inside of me. I could not trust him. He said he loved me. I refused to ever sleep with him again. I went back home. My Mom talked to me every day. What happened to my little gal? My little angel. Well, it took a while for me to get over this. He pleaded and said he was sorry. He hated condoms. So I said we use condom from now on. I forgave him. He said it was his ex girlfriend’s fault. One day he raped me. I conceived. I was depressed. I could not keep it. So I did not keep it. I almost died, again. I tell you God is merciful. He still spared me. I am alive. He still wants to marry me, he says he loves me. We don’t have sex anymore.