Mom told me that my dad was not my biological father
I will talk more about the men. I have a weakness. I fail to let go. Even when I see that I am not going anywhere. It takes a while for me. Because I always wonder why a person can change from good to bad. I fail to digest. So I always hope that someone will change. I have such hope that I end up being ‘used’ and hurt instead. One thing is they always come back running and begging me to take them back. I also give them a second chance. Because I think people deserve that. I give so much that when people know this about me they tend to take advantage of me. The men become so possessive with me and it chokes me. Usually, they tend to be very jealous. I am not allowed to talk to another man, have male friends. I am checked on every second. I tend to think it’s love but then in the end I become a prisoner and don’t become myself. I start to live for the man and forget about myself.
You know I don’t want to end up like my mom or my sisters, miserable and full of regret. My mom says she gave up her life for me and for the rest of us. It’s like I owe her. She says she got pregnant with me and then decided to get married immediately and dad did not know she was pregnant. I was born just in time that my dad did not suspect that he did not father me. That is what she told me. Anyway I asked if she told my biological dad. She never did. He died two years ago. He never married and never had children. So sometimes I wonder if he knew he had a daughter somewhere. Would it have made a difference? I don’t know. I give so much to my family, money, time, support and even inconvenience myself. That’s me. Sometimes they are not even grateful.
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