My daughter is dating a much older man
Older man with youger woman
Terry writes, “My daughter is dating a man 17 years older than her. I worry that down the line she will want to have children and he will feel he’s too old. He is 42, she is 25. I worry about her wasting years on him only to be disappointed later. What should I do?”
Adults should be able to decide who to date
On one hand, I am tempted to say that since she is 25, she really wouldn’t want to hear from you who she should date, and as an adult she should be left alone to make choices about her life (Remember Diane Keaton and Mandy Moore in the movie ‘Because I said so?’). I mean what makes you think that she may want to have children or this man may not want to have children? In other words, even if she were to date a man her age, there is no guarantee that the man may want kids or not change his mind later on. And of course there are couples with infertility issues and not everyone thinks that kids are critical to happiness in life.
Regarding the age difference, yes, it is nice to be somewhat in the same age range so that you have had somewhat similar experiences, grow old together (so that the younger partner is not alone for too long), and go through life as friends, but marriage is about compromises and if one finds fulfillment and happiness with an older partner, it is simply a compromise that one is willing to make. An older man maybe financially stable, mature, stable, and more secure of himself, thus, providing things that a woman may find more joyful, instead of marrying a man her age who maybe buried in debt, may not have a high-level job, and could be immature.
How to talk to your daughter without making her become defensive?
Having said that, as a mother who cares for her, and if you are close to her, it is not a bad idea to have a conversation as two adults with her about her choice. Just tell her your concerns but do not tell her what to do. All you want to do is to provide her with something to think about. That way she will appreciate the input but will not feel pressured to take a certain course of action. Maybe that will prod her to ask that to her boyfriend and clarify it, maybe she will dump him because of that, but the last thing young people want to have today are parents telling them who to date.
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