|
Brittany
writes, "I am
in love
with a guy who is 25 and I’m 45 (but
look and feel at least 10 years younger). We have
known each other for almost two years now. There was an
immediate click,
chemistry,
attraction,
call it what you like. But I was married and he had a
girlfriend (who he never talks about). Some months
later he
texted me saying that he thought we should
take our relationship further. At the time I was
going through a divorce process (which he didn’t
know about) and it didn’t seem at all right so I told
him I needed time. A couple of months later I suggested
we
go out to dinner. He tells me that he would very
much like to but that surely
more than dinner was going to happen (our
relationship is still strictly on a professional
basis and we have never
been alone
together) and that he wasn’t comfortable with that
because he likes me very much. We have
continued
as friends, but he keeps doing nice things for me,
keeps
touching my arm/shoulder/back when we are together,
continued texting me at the weirdest times of day, at
320am on
New Years Eve (when he was supposed to be with his
girlfriend and it wasn’t from someone who was
drunk!),
gave me a
gold chain with a hummingbird for
Xmas. I know that he feels very strongly about me. I
can feel it. I can see it! But he doesn’t
leave his
girlfriend! I have never felt like this about anyone
in my life. It is so intense it hurts. It’s
physical and
emotional. I can’t stop
thinking
about him. I wake up and he’s the
first thing that comes to my mind. I try putting
these thoughts out of my mind, thinking that he chose
his girlfriend but things of the heart just don’t stand
to reason; do they? I’m worried I’m going crazy. I have
tried
going out with my friends,
meeting new friends but every time some
guy shows
interest I can’t help comparing them and Mr. New has
no chance. He has a girlfriend and I would never do
anything to break it up, but I long for him with
everything in me. I won’t do anything that might
interfere with his life, but I cannot figure out how to
stop this longing, and the pain I feel."
You have a serious crush, sweetheart
I can understand your pain. From time
to time a potential partner comes along and completely
rattles your world. It can happen to even
happily married people but it is even harder for a
single person.
Based on what you have said, it is clear that he is very
conflicted, but he is pragmatic enough to recognize that
a
relationship with a 45-year old woman is not for
him. There could be many reasons for it. Maybe he
desperately wants to
have a child of his own or is afraid that his
family/friends will not approve of his choice or that a
marriage with you will not work for whatever reason.
Having said that, it is obvious that
he finds you special and wants to have you in his
life in some role.
Since you have such a
strong crush on him, it will be nearly impossible
for you to have anything but a
romantic relationship with him. A
platonic relationship is already driving you nuts
and since you keep comparing all other guys to him, you
will make no progress in
finding
another man if this guy is still in your life.
To get over the crush, get the crush
out of your life first
As painful as it sounds, you will have to
get this
man out of your life, and trust me, then he will
also go out of your mind gradually. It would be great to
have this honest conversation with so that both you and
him will feel good about taking this decision and you
both can
move on with a good feeling that not all things are
meant to be, but like a
diabetic who has to say goodbye to sugar for her own
good, you will have to completely remove him from your
life in order to move on. I like your idea of spending
time with friends to
make a new
beginning. I also suggest taking on a new hobby that
you may have dreamed of but never came around to taking
it own.
Trust me on this one, he might be the
perfect man on the planet for you, but if you are as
optimistic as I am, and keep your
eyes open, there is
another
good man out there for a
loving woman like you. |
