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Elaine
writes, "I have a
boyfriend that I really hit it off
with, but I don't have much respect for him, due to his
baggage. He is in a
financial crunch. He is 44
years old but lives with his parents, and drives their
car. He has two kids with a
psycho ex-wife that won't
let him
see the kids. He is also a
bit feminine for my
taste in men. I am not that physically attracted to him
either. Also, I
want children and he has had a
vasectomy. But, we do have a lot in common and I enjoy
his company. He treats me with so much respect and love.
What should I do? Breakup or deal with all his problems
and issues?"
Compromises are
key to a good relationship
I like to believe that if we want to
find love and then have an
awesome relationship, we must
learn to make compromises every single day. In other
words, you will need to make some compromises, but what
those are, you need to figure out the
must-haves in a spouse for you by writing them down
and then evaluating if this guy is worth it.
For example, if he is otherwise
responsible with money,
is well-educated, and his current
financial dilemma is
an outcome of his divorce and the
recession, then I
would not hold it against him that he lives with his
parents and has no car. But then you also think
he has
too much baggage, is not attractive,
too feminine for
you, unable to
father a child, and by the way,
he has no
money, hmm...then he is not boyfriend/husband material
because the things that you like about him are not
powerful enough to overcome all the negatives.
Not all nice guys turn out to be
great husbands
So unless you are
desperate for a boyfriend/husband and
this is your only and last chance, I would say that he
is much more suitable as a friend. Tell him that you
enjoy hanging out with him but do not see a
future as a
couple for a variety of reasons (that you need not
disclose to him, considering that his
self esteem may
already be low due to his current situation).
If you have a choice, then ideally, you want to be with
a man that you respect, like him physically,
bond with
him emotionally, and who also brings you drama-free
life. This man will be a lot of emotional drain for
years to come as a boyfriend/husband. |
