|
Laura
writes, "Me and my ex-husband were married for 10 years,
and were together for two years before that. We also
have a son together. One thing I can honestly say is
that our
marriage was wonderful. We were the
couple that everybody wished they were and had that
kind of relationship. Then the last three years of the
marriage, he got
cancer, was
very sick. I did what any other
good wife would have. I cared for him and supported
him till he got better. Before he got sick we always
went out of town, then when he
got sick, a lot of that was impossible. Anyways
several months after he went into remission he told me
he just
wasn't in love with me anymore. This was a complete
surprise to me; I had no idea he wasn't
happy. So he
moved out and several months later
filed for divorce. This was the hardest thing I have
ever been through. Many times I didn't think I was going
to make it. Soon
after divorce, he gets
involved with another woman and after 6 months got
married. One month after they
got married he brought our son home and
started flirting with me, and couldn't keep his
hands off me. I was in complete shock in that he was
just married. He kept saying, 'I just miss being in
your arms.' All I could say to him, 'What about your
wife?' I asked him
how was his marriage was doing and he said good,
then 'Why the hell are you doing this with me?' He
told me that he
missed
me. He has now been married for a year and a half, but
for the last 8 months pretty much every time he brings
our son home he is still
flirting
and trying to hold me. Finally I told him that he needed
to stop, and we couldn't do this anymore. I asked him
about his wife again, he quickly replied that he did not
want to talk about her. He told me he was sorry and that
he doesn't want to lead me on. But that he thinks about
all the things we used to do, and things we could do
again. I can honestly see in his eyes that he stills
loves me, and the
feelings are mutual. I feel that
he is my soul mate, when we are together I feel
complete. I told him he needed to do some
soul searching to decide what or who he wants. He
couldn't be all that happy with her if he
thinks about me all the time, and always
hitting on
me. He repeated to me a couple of times during our
conversation that who knows
what the
future held for us. I know they are having
problems in their marriage already. She wants them
to
go on exotic vacations, do things she wants to, but
if he wants to do something she won't go with him.
Then she has a kid (not his) who is spoiled and gets
away with everything. If my ex says something to her son
to correct him it will
start a fight. But when it comes down to our son
being there and the littlest thing he does she wants him
to be in trouble. Anyways I do want to be with him again
and feel we would be happy. This is going is to be a
decision that he needs to make on his own. I am not
going to pressure him at all. I want to make sure that
is what he wants. Now I have some questions for you to
make me
understand my ex. Do you think that maybe it is
possible for us to have a second chance together? Why
does he think about me all the time if he is married to
someone else? Do you think he will end up
leaving her? Please help me because I have tried
dating other guys but just haven't found that
spark that I had for my
ex."
Marriages means love that lasts
even after a divorce
A relationship of 12 years does not
last for no reason. There is a
strong
bond that brought you two together and kept you
going all this time. It is not easy to erase all of that
particularly because you were so awesome to him and he
left on his own, not because you did anything wrong.
Many men go through a very difficult time as they
approach their late 30s to early 40s, what some call
as the
midlife crisis. As they start to take a second look
at everything in their lives, they often get
disappointed with their lives and want to try
something new and different. As you probably know this
is the time that many
men cheat or
buy a sports car or
take up new hobbies or simply do something that they
secretly dreamed of doing but couldn't. I am
guessing that he felt the same way and his
cancer made him
reflect even more on his life and future.
Why people get a divorce?
It is understandable why people get a
little
bored with their spouses after being together for a
number of years. There is so much to worry about as a
couple and as time passes, we all start to take our
spouses for granted and eventually we know so much
about each other that we get bored. During that moment,
unfortunately, we forget that others are no different.
It is naive to assume that what I do not like about my
wife, the other woman will not have something that I
will not dislike. Yes,
I wish my
wife were a bit more patient and calm, but if I
marry another woman, she could be careless or
aggressive or
overweight or
overspend. There is
no perfect woman.
At this point he has realizes that he
made a big mistake by leaving you and
marrying another woman. He compares his
wife with you and realizes that you are a
better woman. That is why all the
flirting. Marrying an ex
again should be done after serious thinking only
As much as you want to be with him and have had
difficulty moving on, I would like you to take this
very slowly. Remember this man is not stable. You were
the most
wonderful wife and he still left you. What kind of a
man would do that? Only a selfish, self-centered,
arrogant man who only thinks about himself. Right now
also, it is all about him. If he has not found Nirvana
with his current wife, he would happily leave her and go
marry another woman or
back to his ex wife.
I understand that if after very careful thinking and
soul-searching by both of you, it will be great that you
both can have a second chance at your
marriage -- we all deserve another chance if we
learn from our mistakes. Hopefully, he will be a wiser
man now and appreciate you more than ever. But you need
to arrive at that decision after weighing all sides of
the issue, particularly his selfish attitude towards
life. |
