| Carrie
writes, "I'm 35 and my husband is 41; we've been married
four years. It's getting
harder to
communicate and we
fight a
lot over simple things. Our habits make us irritated
with each other all the time. Recently I took up classes
after work, and met a whole new
group of friends and we became good buddies. Most of
the guys are in their 20s and several have taken a keen
interest in getting to know me better. I used to be
extremely shy with dating and didn't
date much. Now that I'm more
confident with myself, I have begun
wishing that I had dated more, and I regret marrying
so quickly with the first
guy I got serious with. It's so flattering to have
guys being interested in me despite the age gap,
which they are cool with. They
take an
interest in what I have to say, they are attentive
and fun to to hang around with. At the rate I'm going, I
think I'll
start having an affair soon! I have begun feeling
trapped and unfulfilled in my marriage, yet I know I
have to work out my
commitment in marriage. Please help."
Marrying the wrong person is common
It is not uncommon to realize that you
married the wrong person. I am guessing that you
realized this a while ago but
stayed in the marriage in the hope that things might
change or simply did not know if there were options for
you.
Divorce ASAP if you realize you
married the wrong person
Since you two have been married for
just four years, and I am guessing that you have no kids
yet, I would suggest that you give
divorce some serious thought. It will be pretty
painless and that way both of you can
move on with your lives. You are still very young
and if you can
find the right man in a few years, you might even be
able to
have a baby before your
fertility goes down in the 40s.
An extramarital affair does not fix
a broken marriage
I would not suggest that you
have an affair. It will not solve the
problem that you have with your husband and if you
find that your
marriage is not fulfilling, an
extramarital affair is even less so. It maybe fine
to have an
affair just to have some fun (though lots of people
are not comfortable due to moral reasons) or do
what your
spouse refuses to do or to get a cheap thrill, but
an affair
will not
change your husband or
fix your marriage.
Marriage counseling works and must
be tried
You do not appear to be very
committed
to going to therapy and
working
with your husband to sort your issues and
making your marriage better, but if you can, please
think about it.
Marriage is a lot of work, particularly in the first
3-5 years. Things get better with time as people learn
to appreciate their partners more and start accepting
that certain things cannot be changed. Ask any
married couple and they will tell you that your
problems are normal and they worked through them. |
