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Sandy
writes, "I have been with my fiancé for 2 years. I just
turned 18 and we
plan to marry after I graduate from college.
We love each other very much and until recently I
couldn't imagine anyone else I could possibly be with
and be this happy with. However, two days ago a mutual
male friend and I went to go hang out at a local
bookstore
and when we went to go sit in his
truck to talk he
kissed me and held me in a very intimate way. The
problem is that there is an
age gap of 21 years between us. And since that night
I've been feeling the same about him as my fiancé. I'm
very confused. I know I won't leave my fiancé; I love
him too much. But what do I do if I love this man as
well?
Can I love two men? I don't want to lead him on
because I refuse to break my word or loyalty but I don't
want to
crush his feelings either. I'm not even sure how I
feel about what happened. It was so unexpected that even
he didn't anticipate it."
Everyone is subject to temptations
Yes, indeed, it is possible to
love more than one man at the same time, but isn't
it true that you
barely know this man and all you have done is to
make out with him briefly. I am impressed that you are
being
honest with your feelings here because even when we
are deeply in love with one person it does not mean that
we are not
tempted by other people. There are always more
handsome, funnier, cuter, more charming people than
our current lover and they will always be able to
win
our hearts. Therefore, the key to having a
strong relationship with your partner is to resist
those temptations.
You are a very
young girl still and have a lot to
learn
about life, men, and love. While there are many
couples
with huge age gaps, think of it as a challenge for
you. I am not very confident that this
casual intimate encounter means a lot for him.
How to analyze which man is best
for you?
So this is what I suggest. Just take a
deep breath and think this through.
- Are you 100% positive about your
fiancé or is that you accepted his
marriage proposal because you thought that after
being with him two years that was the right thing to
do?
- Is this other man a good
candidate as a
husband?
- Do you see yourself
happy with him?
- Was he genuinely interested in
you as person and a relationship or did he just took
advantage of you considering that you are so young
(also remember that as men approach this age they
start experiencing
signs of midlife crisis and want to
feel younger by
hitting on younger girls)?
People
break engagements all the time (I mean even
divorces are so common these days), so it would be
no big deal if you
broke up with your fiancé because you were not sure
but I really want you to think about this
older man with caution. In the meantime,
please avoid seeing this man, at least not privately. |
