 Phil
writes, "I have been living in
Tokyo for a while
pursuing my PhD. I am in my 30s, married with 2 year old
son but my wife and are not living with me; they are in
my native country right now. Meanwhile, a
Japanese woman
in 40s showed her interest in me for a while and invited
me to lunch. We had a wonderful
lunch in a Japanese
restaurant in a private room that she arranged.
She is
herself married and has a
16 year old daughter. Due to
her husband's company moving its plant to
China, her
husband has been constantly travelling abroad and from
next month he will be in China for a couple of years.
She
thought of divorce and actually offered it but her
husband refused and as you know since
Japanese culture
does not appreciate divorce, she has not persisted.
Since our
lunch date, she has expressed her her feelings
for me but also said that she is upset that I will be in
Japan for only a few months.
I love my wife but being
away from has been tough. My
wife and I were both
virgins when we met.
We were so happy for a couple years
of till our son came. After that, my
wife stopped making
love to me, as I read many
couples have the same problem
stuck in sexless marriages. I have never cheated on her.
I am so confused. I want to have
make love with this
Japanese woman but I do not know
what she wants. We plan
on meeting frequently and have talked about even going
to an
onsen together. I definitely do not want
divorce
from my wife but I want to try a
discreet relationship.
Am I doing something wrong? I don't want to ruin my life
with my wife. Any advice would be deeply appreciated."
It is a very delicate
situation but I understand how frustrated a 30 year old
man feels, being separated from his wife, who has
stopped
being intimate with him for 2 years. I totally
understand why you want to
go to bed with her because
you both are in the same situation and understand each
other's needs.
My advice would be to keep
the friendship with this lady going and I am confident
that very soon the
time will come to make love with her.
I suggest that you go ahead and
please yourself and her
and the only reason I am recommending this is because
you basically are a single man for all practical
purposes. If this woman is not interested, you can try
to
find another woman because time is running out for
you. Casual sex is fine in your situation because your
wife has refused to provide it and when you do
return to your native country, you may not be able to
have any at
all for the rest of your life. Take advantage of this
freedom before the opportunity is gone. I do not think
having it now will have any impact on your
marriage. On the other hand, releasing your tension
might help you feel better.
Regarding your marriage,
well, you do have a problem as a couple. I think you
need to discuss this with her and maybe seek help of a
marriage therapist because if you are just in your 30s,
you can't possibly spend the rest of your life dry. |
