| Lucy
writes, "I'm interested in
Japanese and
Korean guys, and I'm a
foreigner
in Japan since I am a
Chinese American. The advice on the articles about
foreign women dating Japanese men caught my
interest. However, I'm not exactly sure
what
Japanese people picture as a foreigner. I'm
completely
Chinese in my appearance, but born and raised in
America and that is why I am totally American in every
other way. So unless I open my mouth, it seems like I
could blend just right in. I've
been to Japan already, and most people praised me
for having a really good
Japanese accent (after telling them I'm not
Japanese). I'm also still working on mastering
the language. So when I go back to
Japan
and possibly try to date, how should I go about it?
Should I pretend to be Japanese or still go about it
like any other foreigner?"
Most Japanese now realize that not all Americans are
blond with blue eyes
You are in the same situation that a lot of us who are
not white Americans face in Japan. While for many
Japanese, the stereotypes still exist, but those who
have
traveled to the US or
studied here, they are more aware of the diversity
here. That is why you should simply introduce yourself
as an American without a prefix.
Authenticity is always welcome
while dating
And no I would not advise you at all
to pretend to be Japanese. First of all, while I am not
aware
how good your Japanese is, when Japanese people
praise your
language ability, they are simply being polite.
Japanese people continue to be pleasantly surprised that
anyone other than them can
learn their language, and that is why even if you
can speak just a little bit, they will be thrilled and
say all sorts of beautiful things. Since I started with
konnichiwa and went all the way to reading and
writing memos at my work in Tokyo, I have seen all the
phases. The praise is pretty much the same all the time.
Secondly, my Japanese friends tell me that they can
spot a Japanese very easily even when they are among
Koreans or Chinese. They believe that the
Japanese
look and behave in a certain way and it is easy for
them to figure that out (unfortunately, I can't despite
living there for years, speaking the language, and
having friends). I think some of it is pure arrogance,
but still you might end up offending them rather than
endearing them. I found that it is better to be a
gaijin and master the language to earn their
trust and love rather than mislead them.
Finally, even in behavior and mannerism, while you
should respect their traditions and customs, there are
certain
expectations that they have from Americans, for
instance, being direct/honest, laid back, easy going,
etc. and you should preserve those because why would
anyone want to
date a gaijin trying to be Japanese when they can
date an authentic Japanese. |
