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Mandy
writes, "I am
studying Japanese with a
hot
Japanese man who is temporarily (for an undetermined
length of time) living in the United States. Our lessons
are one-on-one, and in
exchange, I am
helping him with his English. I am
very attracted to him, but I'm not sure how to
proceed. He is quite
flirtatious, with everyone, and I cannot tell if he
thinks about being
more than just my friend. There have been two lost
(due to scheduling conflicts and misunderstandings)
opportunities for us to spend time out together.
Unfortunately, I'm not sure if he has a
girlfriend already. He mentioned a
girlfriend a couple times, but, not knowing English
too well, he often uses that term to refer to
non-romantic
female friends. Also, he is 9 years older than
I am. Are
Japanese guys OK with having
young
girlfriends? Another issue is my
height.
As a medium tall white
American girl, I am 1-2 inches taller than he is.
Most of my
guy friends are shorter than I am, and they all have
problems with it. While these guys are from many
different nationalities, none of them are from
Asia. So,
my question here is if
Japanese men tend to be as
hung-up over height as all the other guys I know.
So, what should I do next? I have read all of your
articles regarding
Japanese men and dating, so I guess I
should take the lead and ask him out, not wait for him
to ask me, but I am afraid I'll read him incorrectly. I
definitely don't want to mess this up and hurt our
friendship or our Japanese-English lessons. Should I
take it slow and easy? Do you have a suggestion for
something to invite him to?"
I am so glad that you have read some of the articles
that I have written. In any case,
try searches here for more of my writings on
Japanese guys and relationships.
Going back to your questions, here are my
thoughts.
- Does he have a girlfriend? It's
very tricky in Japan. These guys can fluidly get in
and out of a relationship without really
breaking up
or making up. So technically he could have a
so-called
girlfriend in Japan, who might as well be
dating others while he is here and he is free to do
the same here, and then when he
goes back to Japan,
they both might as well get together as if nothing
happened or simply
end the relationship with thanks
and apologies with no hard feelings. In other words,
you should count him as "available."
- Japanese guys love younger women.
Sometimes it gets a bit creepy because many
middle
aged men
exploit teens.
- Regarding the height, I think he
may be somewhat conscious of it, because
Japanese
men can be short compared to everyone around them in
the US, even other
Asians. I don't anticipate that
to be an issue but yes, still many men can feel
"small" next to a tall woman and avoid her.
- Yes, go ahead and suggest
something that the two of you can do together that
is somewhat romantic but do not call it a
date.
Because if he is simply not interested in a
romantic
relationship, it might spoil your wonderful
student/teacher relationship. Trust me, as a student
of
Japanese language myself, I know how valuable
that relationship can be.
- The best options are going to eat
in a restaurant that is somewhat different, e.g. a
shabu-shabu place if you have one in your area. How
about a
Japanese arts exhibition at a
museum in your
area? Think of an activity where either you can show
him a part of
America where he would appreciate the
company of a Native or ask him to take you to a
place where you can have the same. I am sure a quick
Google search
might help you find activities that might make
sense.
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