Cristina
writes, "I am a 25 year old
white
girl who was approached by a
Japanese guy at a
Nihon Matsuri festival recently. I found out after
our
first date that he is 24 years old and has lived in
America since high school when his father worked in
New York. His family has since
moved back to Japan and he is in grad school right
now. He acts very American but I am wondering what to
expect from him having been raised in a
Japanese family. We have now been on two dates and
although he initiated the
first date by
giving me
his number I have contacted him and planned the date
both times we went out. I now want to wait and see if he
will contact me, because maybe he does not really like
me. I have also heard that most
Asian men will not assume that a white girl will
like them very much and I don't want to make him think
that. I hate to have these
Japanese stereotypes but I really want to make this
work and I am scared to make the wrong move. Please
help!"
I
think considering the fact that he went to
high school here and has been here since then, he is
probably fairly American, but what we cannot forget is
that his family is still in Japan and every time he
visits them he is probably
reminded about his
Japanese roots. In other words, he has his feet on
both boats and he probably struggles with that dual
identity as much as you are trying to figure him out. I
would also not be surprised that somewhere in his mind
he might know and maybe his family tells him that too,
that eventually he should
end up with a Japanese girl -- remember that the
number of
Japanese men marrying non-Japanese girls is
extremely small (about 3%). Yes, there is some data that
shows that
Japan is becoming a more mixed society but that data
treats the
Korean residents of Japan as foreigners.
|
|
You are also right about assumptions of many
Asian men that a white girl would not be
attracted
to them and the best way for you to deal with that is to
give solid
hints of your interest and then eventually tell him
directly that you
are
attracted to him. |
In your specific situation, for the time being, treat
him like you would an
American man. So it is now his turn to suggest the
next date and in case he does not, it means that he is
not
interested in dating you. If you keep taking
the initiative, he might come along any way even if he
is not interested because many
Japanese people struggle to say no. |
