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Amanda
writes, "I have been
fascinated with Japan and the
Japanese culture for many years. I am currently
studying Japanese language and hope that once I
finish my Bachelor's degree I can
go to
Japan to teach. I am very curious about
Japanese men. I have read some of your articles
about how
Japanese look down on interracial marriages, so I
have a question. I have a daughter from a previous
relationship. How do the Japanese feel about combined
families? Or would that be like having two strikes
against me - being American and
having a
child?"
What is the Japanese perspective on
family?
As
you might have read,
divorce is very rare in Japan and
divorced women find it difficult to
remarry, particularly if they
have kids. I don't know if you know this, but
abortion is also very common in
Japan, though,
most Japanese do not like to admit it or even talk about
it. When a
pregnancy happens out of wedlock, it typically does
not result in a
kid being
born. That is why it is very rare to have
single moms in Japan who choose to
have
their child and then raise it themselves.
Now obviously, you will run into
Japanese men who will judge you the way that they
judge a
Japanese woman and hold it against you, but I know
some
Japanese guys are fairly well informed of what is
happening in the west (If I recall it right, at this
time 40% of kids in America are born to
women out
of wedlock). In other words, we have a lot of
single
moms here. These men are more likely to have studied
overseas or
traveled extensively to appreciate this part of our
society (having said that, I am amazed that many
Japanese still do not fully understand a lot of finer
points of American society even after
attending college here).
My suggestion would be to be proud and honest about your
situation, though, you don't have to wear a placard
around your neck that proclaims that you are a
single mother.
Japanese people are very subtle in such matters and
you don't have to go on and on about your child or the
ex boyfriend or how things went wrong with him. Just
mention that you are a
single mom and then answer any questions that he may
have. Hopefully you will run into the right guy who will
love you as a person and not be intimidated by your
being a single mom. |
