| Naomi
writes, "Your website is one of the few on the Internet
that addresses the issue of
Gaijin
women dating Japanese men. I recently
met a Japanese guy through a Canadian friend while
working in
Australia. I was really excited to meet him as I had
spent a few weeks in Japan before coming to Australia
and was delighted to
meet a Japanese man in Australia. I've never been
interested in the Japanese culture until I decided
to
go to Japan to visit a friend who happened to be
teaching English there. I had absolutely no idea how
much I would end up loving my three weeks in Japan; what
a neat country! When I first met Hiroshi at the
Mardi Gras parade he was polite, quiet talkative and
very expressive. I was surprised; I had heard that most
Japanese are quiet and shy. He seemed to be
the opposite. After the parade he invited us for a drink
near the harbor. It was a short night that ended quickly
as I had to work early the next day. As I interacted
more with people there, I often found myself talking a
lot with Hiroshi, about traveling, the reason he came to
Australia, etc. I later found he came to practice his
English, and to work with little kids in the classroom
so he could become a translator back home in the
classroom. He told me his parents were happy about his
decision because he always found
school in Japan boring and tiresome. He described
himself as always rebelling against the system, choosing
to
listen to his music while in the class, skipping
school to
play his guitar, etc. He began to intrigue me even
more." Naomi and Hiroshi fall
in love
Naomi continues, "My Canadian friend moved and went to
Asia
to travel. I thought that my days at his flat were
over and that I wouldn't see Hiroshi again. In the end,
Hiroshi and the other flatmates kept meeting up for
supper, drinks and chats at the flat. Hiroshi and I
would stay up till 2 AM chatting away. Even on the
nights I would leave early, and while it was safe for me
leave on my own, he would still volunteer to walk me to
the train/bus stop. I would always oblige as I really
loved his company. We talked about
matters of the heart, philosophy,
life
principles, and
language. He had no idea that I was Canadian with an
Indian
ethnicity. To him a Canadian was separate from being
Indian. He had spent several months
traveling independently in India, namely
Goa
when was 20. He told him his life changed considerably
after he went to
India; he said he
found his spirit and soul in India. I was amazed by
his
love for India. He was fascinated that it was
possible to be Canadian and Indian at the same time. He
rarely wanted to
talk
about Japan or see the photographs I took while I
was there...he just said he hated it there and didn't
want to be reminded of his life in
Yokohama. I always spoke
passionately about Japan, but was also curious about
why he felt so
negatively towards Japan and the
Japanese culture. He often alluded to the "fake
smiles of the people," the "lack
of emotion" expressed by the people and also the
extreme hierarchy that existed in the workplace. He
told me playing the guitar and
listening
to music gave him the outlet to
express
whatever he was feeling. He said he
loved music more than anything in the world. He
enjoyed the music of the Chili Peppers,
Radiohead
and other bands. We would sit for hours just
listening
to music. I never in my life felt so comfortable and
at peace with a guy in my life. He told me about the
first girl he ever loved (more than music!); but
unfortunately unlike him, she had no desire to explore
life outside Japan. We carried on talking to each other
for a few months, until he finished his English course
in Sydney. He told me was going to Broome to
find work,
see the famous sunset, and see a few friends. He asked
me to come and visit him. I told him that I would try,
but could not guarantee anything."
Naomi does not share her feelings
with Hiroshi
Obviously, Naomi could not forget him, as she writes,
"About 2 months passed and I informed him that I would
be coming to Broome for a week. I told him that I would
spend part of my time in a hostel by the
beach,
and then stay a few days at his hostel. In the end I
decided to stay just at my hostel as it was newer,
cleaner, quieter and right by the
beach! Over the phone he mentioned to me that we
would see the sunset together, he would
introduce to his friends, and
party. He even told me that he had mentioned to all
his friends that I was coming to visit. The second I
reached the bus station, I sent him a text message and
within 10 minutes he was there on his bike, he hugged me
and it felt wonderful. He said he had a few days off
work before starting a new job and in that time we can
hang out. I was at his hostel everyday until 1 AM in the
morning. He showed me his
music collection, I heard a
song he wrote and recorded, he shared his
favorite love song with me. He told me he wanted to
see me in Canada as soon as he went to
San
Francisco to live out his dream of playing guitar
and sleeping in a caravan. He asked if he could stay
with me and told him it would be my pleasure. I could
find myself instantly
falling in love with him. We never shared that
sunset together, now that I recall it; he said he wanted
to and then he never did....I went and saw the sunset
myself and made no mention of missing his presence. He
asked me if I wept at the beauty of the sunset, and I
told him that I did. As always he used to smile and say,
"I love how you cry, it is so cute." On my last day in
Broome I wanted to tell him that I loved him, but all I
could say is "You are such a
good friend to me and I will never forget you." I
wept again. He held me for a moment, but as usual smiled
as much as he could. I could see in his eyes that he was
also tearing up. He told me to call him as soon as I
arrived in Sydney. I called him and told him that I had
something very important to tell him, and he said,
"What, what?" I said, "Go to somewhere quiet. There is
something that I need to tell you." He got very quiet
and said, "Okay, sure, what is it...tell me..." and I
said, "I love you." There was a long pause...and he
replied, "Thank you so much for telling me. Thanks very
much." I told him that he should go on with his life and
his
dreams of traveling the world, but that he should
know in his heart that I love him and that he would be
my
first love always and forever. Please help me
understand if this worth holding my heart on too or
consider this scenario another form of a
Japanese who wanted to explore a Gaijin woman? To
understand the outside? Does he truly feel anything for
me? Should I expect to hear from him again?"
Always let your mouth say what the
heart feels
As I have written over and over again on the website,
Japanese men can be shy and
reserved expressing their emotions because that is
not the Japanese way. Having said that, many
Japanese are frustrated with their culture and have
changed or simply embraced other cultures by either
traveling/relocating or
marrying a foreigner. It is not clear where he is at
but it does not appear to me that he is ready to settle
down for something more serious because it seems that
right now he is still exploring the world outside Japan.
And you could have unfortunately given him the wrong
message by telling him to go on with his life without
you. A better approach would have been to tell him that
you not only love him, you want to
become his
girlfriend (trust me that is how Japanese do it).
All is not lost yet, though. Try to stay in touch with
him by email and occasional phone calls. Also make sure
that while he is in San Francisco, you two can somehow
hook up. Your ambivalent approach towards the end
may have confused him about your intentions but if you
stay connected, you can keep
hinting that you want your relationship to go to the
next level. So, don't be a Japanese, because you are
not. Be a Canadian and honestly share what you feel
about him. If he is your
first love, you do not want to
be
heartbroken just because you did not know how to say
what you feel in your heart. I think even though he may
still want to be free, but he might realize that it
would be much more fun to explore different cultures in
the company of a
multi-cultural woman than all by himself. |
