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How can we make Japan a better place for
everyone?
Make it open and welcoming
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Summary: A lover of Japanese
culture shares his vision for the future of the country
and how it can accommodate others into a rapidly aging
society. |
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It is
clear that the
foreigners have a love-hate relationship
with Japan. While
Japan attracts so many foreigners,
some of them get frustrated when they actually
come to
Japan. From the messages that I have received, most
short-term residents of visitors continue to indulge in
their
Japanese romance and become long-term fans. It is
the long-term residents who seem to have the most
negative opinions of Japan. Once the initial
crush is
over and someone has to find a place to live,
work in a
Japanese company, or in any other way try to become part
of everyday
Japanese life, the real interaction with
Japanese society can be a brutal experience.
Of course, from time to time I receive wonderful
accounts from people who have great
experiences in Japan
and nothing seems to change their opinion because people
with such positive impressions make sure that they can
create additional experiences that reinforce their
positive experiences. What Michael from the United
Kingdom has written to me is so sweet and positive that
I will publish his
thoughts, virtually unedited.
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“I would like to
become
friends with you. I hesitate to ask to
become
one of your lovers because I do not actually
believe in the
existence of love. Therefore it
somehow does not seem appropriate to request to
be one of your lovers. But many of my friends
claim I am
searching for love, because if I
truly thought that it was a children's fairytale
such as Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy, I would
not bother with anything at all. |
When I first came across your spot on the Web, there
were so many things that I wanted to say from when I
read your first page entitled "Who am I?" But I decided
to read through all your other pages first and now there
just are too many things on my mind. I guess what seemed
the clearest fact to me from your writing (and I would
like to say that I find your intelligence, wit, opinions
and clarity of thought refreshing) was that you are
someone who has an
understanding of love. Also, as I
have had an avid
interest in Japan from an early age I
feel the least I can do is attempt to become a friend of
yours. I have tried many pen-pal pages with various
degrees of success, but what generally tends to happen
is that I get lots of replies at first which then
dwindle to nothing when they realize I'm genuine, or
unfortunately the women I correspond with seem to think
that I'm really
looking for a partner. This causes a lot
of problems for me because although I really do find
Japanese women more attractive, I think it is important for me to able to connect with
someone on a mental level, as at least a
friend, before I
can consider taking it further. In fact, many of the
women in my past think I am a little strange because I
am not obsessed with sex. In most of my relationships
when I have
made love to my girlfriend at the time it
has always been because she expected or needed it from
me, not because I really wanted to do it. This is
another attribute that some say is my "need for love." But I doubt that. But as I'm sure you know, people need
to be needed. As the French say "C'est la vie..." |
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In case you are wondering what sparked my
interest in
Japan in the first place it was in fact a film. You
probably know it - "The Seven Samurai." Anyway I saw
this film when I was about 8 years old and since then I
have wanted to
find out more about Japan. I have had the
good fortune to visit once and I stayed with a friend of
mine, Daisuke. His parents were so kind to me that it
made me cry. As a Westerner it was almost
incomprehensible that anyone could treat a complete
stranger with such hospitality. I was given a bicycle
for my use during the day, a
car to use in the evenings,
my own house (which I shared with Dai), and three meals
a day. Even though my Japanese is terrible and they
could speak no English they looked after me as a son.
When they found out that what I liked most about Japan
was the
old style architecture and the history along
with the
shrines and temples, they paid for me to visit
Kyoto. I was offered my favorite food every day –
yakitori, took me out for my favorite
sushi and sashimi
on frequent occasions and even to play
pachinko! It was
amazing how even the simplest word from me such as "yokatta!"
when I was asked if the food was too my liking caused
his mother's eyes to light up. Indeed I had a wonderful
time there and it was further compounded when on the day
of my departure I was presented with a
Kimono and a pair
of geta of my own (which they had custom made at
considerable expense as my
feet were larger then those
of the average Japanese).
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On my final night I wrote a short note to them, that I
asked my friend to translate for me, so I could give it
to them stating how I felt inside and that I wished that
there was some way I could repay them for their
kindness. All they asked was for me to look after their
son while he was in the UK and to make sure that he
worked hard at his studies. He had a tendency to be lazy
and had failed his courses numerous times. However, at
their request I did my best to help Daisuke with his
studies and this year he graduated and has
returned to
Japan for good. I feel sad at the loss of my friend of
seven years as he was like a brother to me regardless of
the fact that we were not blood related, but at the same
time I am gratified to know that I have repaid back his
parents, even in the smallest possible way. It brings
tears to my eyes even now as I remember back those days,
probably the happiest of my life so far. |
 When I had first told my Western friends of my
intentions to
go to Japan the remarks I heard were not
positive. "Japanese people don't like foreigners."
"They're all racist over there." I did not let these
deter me from my goal and I'm glad I did not. It is true
that I was stared at quite a lot but as I stayed in a
small town away from the city (Gifu) I soon realized it
was not hostility but simply curiosity at seeing someone
who was different. I also visited Yokohama,
Tokyo,
Nagoya and
Osaka and everyone was more then friendly
towards me. I think it is sad that so many of us (people
from the West) have these pre-conceptions of
life in
Japan. I clearly remember a family friend saying to me
that she did not like Japanese people because she viewed
them as "mean and disgusting people." Of course I took
great exception to this remark as I have a very large
network of friends who are Japanese and I find them to
be a very kind, polite and gentle people (once again,
looking at what you yourself are doing with your web
page shows this to me). She then went on to say she felt
this way because of Japan's actions during the war. I
then asked did she hold what happened all those years
ago against the younger generation of today who had no
control over events and indeed who she had no right to
blame for an event that clearly had fault on both sides.
And she couldn't answer that.
Being a
black person myself, I know how it
feels to be discriminated against and I know my culture's
history. I then asked her how she would feel as a white person
if I told her I hated her because of the years of slavery that
her ancestors had enforced upon mine, and she became extremely
flustered. I find it very depressing that in this day and age
there are still views like this. It's true that maybe I am a bit
of an idealist but I do believe that people should look to the
future instead of concentrating on the past. I myself have
friends from all over the world, and although I have to admit
that I have more Japanese ones than from any other country I do
not feel this makes me prejudiced against others. Many of my
Japanese friends are here to study English and I have been told
many times that they find it very easy to converse with me.
Apparently I speak my words very clearly and my English is very
easy to understand which then leads them to introduce me to
their other friends who would like to make an English friend. I
think the fact that I'm not just looking to
jump into bed with a
cute Japanese girl, as so many of my Western friends are, makes
them feel more comfortable with me and I view that as a
blessing. I would like to
live in Japan one day and perhaps even
meet a Japanese woman to become my wife, but until I learn
what
love is I guess this will just stay as a
dream, a ghost of a
whisper carried on the wind.
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I am fundamentally an
honest person so I can't comment on
how
beautiful you are physically because to be honest I haven't
looked at any of the pictures of you; I have been concentrating
on the words you have written, your thoughts, feelings and
opinions. So, let me close by saying that even though I can't
tell you that I love you *>_<*, I am definitely one of your most
ardent fans and I am privileged that I have had the opportunity
to speak to one such as yourself. You may not view yourself as a
goddess (and your modesty only serves to make you all that more
desirable), but I can see how so many do. You truly are a rare
diamond in the rough, hard to find but worth the effort.”
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Well, there are a lot of great things that Michael has said about
me and while I am flattered, there is very little for me to
comment on. But there are certain very interesting issues raised
by him:
Related:
Western
media's bias against Japan
How to preserve Japanese culture?
Combined families in Japan
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