| Anna writes, “I am in love with my
boss. I am his
secretary. He is a Japanese diplomat
living and working in Europe for the Japanese
Government. I am 23 and he is 47.
I don't know
how to approach him, as I am scared of
losing my job! I can't tell if he likes me or not as
even though he once told me I was like a
flower.
However, sometimes
Japanese people give compliments
merely to
flatter and without
meaning
them. I know I am (not to be too vain)
quite young and
pretty for him but I can't tell what he is thinking. As
he is Japanese he has quite Japanese
manners, that is,
he often avoids direct
eye contact with women in general
and also hides his sentiments from his face. However, I
have seen him
looking at my body when he thinks I am not
looking.
I am also not sure what my reputation is in the office
as some
women are quite jealous of me and may or may not
speak spitefully behind my back, especially true for
Japanese women as I am quite
large-breasted, tall and
blonde and for them this might be a little scandalous or
frightening or so I have heard! I have also heard that
the Japanese consider Europeans inferior to them.
I am replacing my Japanese boss' usual secretary until
August as she is away on maternity leave There were many
jobs available at the time I applied and I was
interviewed by my boss and other bosses as well who work
in different departments. I could have been chosen to be
the secretary of any number of diplomats but due to
hierarchical ranking, my boss got to choose first and he
chose me. The other day a new girl came to replace a
secretary on the sixth floor, I am on the 4th and
apparently she had applied for my job but not got it. My
boss actually came up to me and told me that he had
chosen me over her and another girl who works on the
seventh floor, which was quite flattering. However, he
did all this in a very serious manner, as if it were
work oriented. This is the problem – he is always dead
serious in most situations.
I think I have a mixed reputation at my office. Many
Japanese women may speak harmfully of me but I know I am
admired by the men, as I say, not to be vain, but for
them I am a potentially
good looking woman, as I am
about the tallest woman in the building (and actually
taller than my boss who I fancy), I have the
largest
breasts even though these
silicone (however, they
originally still were bigger than any Japanese woman's
as I have noticed that they are all
flat chested - I have
gone from a 85 C to 90 D with the help of
surgery). I
have
nice firm buttocks (as you know many
Japanese women
have bodies like prepubescent girls, with
no breasts nor
butt) and I am blonde which might make me a bit of a
danger in their eyes.
I discussed the situation with my
photographer who used
to take pictures of me for publicity work and he seems
to think that my boss would be mad to turn down advances
from a young,
curvaceous blonde like me, but then of
course, he agreed that within the work place, especially
the diplomatic scene that one must step carefully. He
told me to send some hot photos I have of myself in
bikini to my boss but this sounds to me like a mad plan
and as you say I need to go step by step and avoid any
potentially harmful situation.
Sometimes I think my boss thinks I am
damn hot but
sometimes I feel like he thinks that as a European I am
inferior. He seems to avoid my glances and looks a
little disdainful but then again maybe I misinterpret
him. It’s so hard understanding Japanese expressions.
Also I sometimes think he might
fantasize about me but
just to sleep with me once and no more I want more than
that. Maybe as I am so young compared to him that I am
forbidden territory or perhaps too young for him.
My boss’
wife, I found out, lives in Japan alone with
her
teenage daughter. I inquired to a friend who is also
a colleague whether this might be because my boss is
gay
or because he has a
mistress here but apparently neither
of the two is true. So I wonder
what my boss does to
satisfy himself.
Please advise me
how to seduce this man without being in
a compromising situation work wise.
*****
It is not right to assume that Japanese men think of
Europeans as inferior. While Japanese in general believe
that they are superior to the whole world but at the
same time they also think that other races are better
than them in so many ways. In fact they often admire the
fact that
Europeans are so good looking or they don't
work so hard with all the vacations that they get or
that Europe is at least as
culturally rich as Japan is.
So let us work with the hypothesis that he does not
think of you as inferior.
Japan is not a great country for its own people when it
comes to
speaking Japanese. That is why kids who grow up
overseas and do not know Japanese very well do not do
well in the Japanese system. So it is almost universally
true that they leave their families back in
Japan when they work overseas. It simply does not mean
that they are
gay. Or that they bring a
mistress with
them from Japan. Though I would not be surprised if he
has a mistress in
Germany now. But insofar as you are
concerned, it is much better that is wife is not with
him.
It is common for Japanese men to praise their female
colleagues, particularly if they are
good looking (that
way subordinates keep working harder in hope of a
reward). Sometimes it does not mean anything: it is just
a way to make them feel better so that they will work
harder. Sometimes it is an indirect way to say that they
like you.
Japanese are probably among the most inscrutable people
in the world and even the Japanese have a hard time
determining the
feelings of other Japanese. So let us be
careful here.
The Japanese take work very seriously and for them the
distinction of work and
private life is not very clear.
So it is not difficult to understand why everything
around him is work related. The Japanese are also not
very comfortable cracking jokes particularly in a
foreign language. In general most Japanese are very
uncomfortable and
shy in the presence of foreigners,
particularly women. And from the way you describe to me,
you have a great personality and that may intimidate him
somewhat. But we will work on that together and
transform you into a timid girl who is ready for
seduction by a Japanese man.
Don't worry what your reputation is. The Japanese folks
around you might talk whatever they want behind your
back so it is best to ignore it.
The
Japanese are very discreet people so whatever you do
has to be done with total secrecy. And that is why
sending your photos was a bad idea from your
photographer. Remember that he is not only your boss; he
is also a public figure in both Germany and Japan. If
anything leaks to the media, it will be just terrible.
So all your interaction with you has to be such that you
come across to him as a
person who can be trusted all
the time with any secrets. Do not forget that he is a
diplomat and the public face of the country in Germany.
I am not clear what you want from him. I understood that
you just want a
casual relationship with him and not a
marriage. I think chances for you to
seduce him, maybe
even take a secret trip with him are high but to expect
that he will leave his wife for you is highly unlikely.
Please describe to me about the layout of your
office,
where is his
office, where is yours, how many people are
around both of you, how much privacy does he have in his
office, do you often go to his room alone, is the door
closed when you are inside, do other people can look
inside his
office. Also
how do you typically dress at
work, what do you wear,
what do other girls wear,
can
you wear anything you want,
what kinds of clothes do you
have.
My game plan on a very high level right now is that
through a series of steps that we develop jointly let us
first test him (is he a
good candidate for seduction?),
secondly find out how/where to
seduce him, and finally
what to do to seduce him. It could take a few weeks but
if we do it slowly, strategically (with all possible
scenarios planned out), carefully (so that you can still
keep your job and not create a scandal), and discreetly,
you might actually succeed.
*****
One enters the floor from two lifts that are on the far
left side of my office. I share my office with two other
colleagues. We are three in total working for eight
diplomats also on the same floor as us. My three
colleagues are on the left side of me. The girl next to
me has a direct view of the lift; I don't.
As you can imagine, I don't see my boss much unless I go
to his office or he comes to see me. I can catch
glimpses of him and check out his movements via the
small hole between the glass pane and the corridor on
the other side as when he exits from the lift or goes to
the toilet he usually uses the discreet way, which is
via the back corridor, as do most of the diplomats. I
only see a glimpse of anyone's back as they go to the
toilet and can only recognize by the
color of the shirt.
Also, Japanese men are so illusive, especially my boss,
sometimes you don't even notice them come nor go.
Luckily I get to go to his office at least once
(sometimes twice, even three times if its a good day!)
to deliver post that arrives for him. Sometimes he might
come to my desk to ask me something or he'll phone me
and request information, which means that once I have
the information, appointment or whatever sorted, I can
go and see him.
When I go to see him I always knock first. His door is
never open nor closed (unless he's away) but generally
nearly shut but a crack open but usually he is always
alone in his office. Other people can only look in his
office if they come to the very end of the corridor
where his office is. It’s the last one.
The dress code seems to be different for Japanese than
for Europeans. All the male Japanese diplomats wear
suits and
ties, all the female Japanese staff mostly
wear suits, skirts, shirts and smart clothes apart from
a couple of younger ones who
wear more fashionable
clothes. The western staff seem to wear whatever they
want, ranging from
jeans and T-shirts to
smarter
clothes. I generally
dress smartly but my boss made a
comment that I was very
fashionable, (which could be
bad, I don’t know! I can't help this as can not afford a
new wardrobe and I am 23 so I have quite
trendy clothes
I suppose- also my
British colleague wears very
low cut
blouses but since she is very
small busted, she can get
away with it more than I can without looking whorish -
as I am D
cup size) and plus what with my curves the
same shirt that will look very 'normal' on a Japanese
woman might look different on me due to my
bust size!
Plus I like to sometimes wear slightly
revealing
clothes, as a
low neckline on me can be quite
flattering. I generally wear tight trousers (smart ones)
with shirts or other
smart tops. I also have some very
sexy tops but I try not to use these too often and wear
plenty of shirts so as to avoid getting a whorish
reputation or something! This is the problem with
big
bust, you can't hide it and if you wear tight stuff you
can get very negative feedback usually from jealous
women (as I did in my last job) but some men could also
see it as bad, I guess.
I don't know whether he likes timid women even though he
might be used to them; I suspect he may secretly admire
strong women. Also, he has lived In the US and other
countries apart from Japan, so should have had some sort
of experience apart from
shy women. Also I think he may
perhaps have a penchant for vivacity and personality -
could be.
My reasons for thinking the above are that my other
colleague, (on my right), was also chosen by my boss and
she works for him occasionally for press stuff but
mostly works for two other diplomats. Anyway, he also
chose this girl. She is also tall, blonde (but not
busty
- like I said above!) and quite vivacious and with a
strong personality. I think he has a dichotomy of fear
and desire for such characters... maybe.... but he seems
less scared of her than me, but she been there longer
but still he seems more comfortable with distance when
it concerns me. However, when he does go past our desks
he likes to look at my colleague and sometimes myself
also but he tends to look at me more, I seem to think.
This is why he's so hard to understand, maybe he just
wants to look and not
touch, maybe he prefers the
fantasy to the reality, I sometimes think.
I heard from a Japanese colleague that comments (she
only told me positive things, typical of Japanese
people) had been made about myself and the colleague on
the right, as the two blonde beauties supposedly and
apparently my
bust was also the source of some envy for
Japanese women! And God knows what the Japanese men
think. I suppose I am dangerous, as I am really quite
tall. Most Japanese people’s heads are at the same level
as my bust! I never thought so much in my life about my
big bust in other offices where I worked before (out of
the normal anyway as other women also were
curvaceous)
but here in this
Japanese office it seems to be a source
of envy, fear, desire, and danger!
At first, when I first starting working there I did not
know what his position was as I just knew he was a
diplomat, but now it’s clear that Mr. Toyota is really
quite important, and the most important man on the floor
anyway, so I have to be careful and so does he.
According to a colleague Mr. Toyota calls his wife in
Japan every day so I guess he is very fond of her, which
is normal, but I wonder
what he does here in Germany for
sex because as a man, of course, he must do it! He may
have a
mistress but if he does nobody at work has told
me or he may be alone. But anyway I don’t intend to
break his marriage just be with him until I have to
leave in October to go and work in
France. My contract
with the diplomats ends in beginning of August. So I've
got to get moving on this.
*****
I think one change that you have to make in your
personality in his presence right away is to make him
feel more comfortable with you. We do not want him to be
scared or be intimidated by you. It is hard to like
someone when you are scared. So you will need to
smile
more often, be gentle with him, and not make him feel
'small' when you are around him. Sometimes it is as
simple as just standing a little far from him so that he
can look into your eyes without having to raise his
head.
If you are right about him, then he is definitely
interested in you. What we need to do now is to validate
this hypothesis through a few tests.
You know at that age a lot of
men in Japan never have
sex. In fact most
Japanese couples hardly have any sex
after a few years of marriage and particularly after
kids are born. It is amazing how
Japanese couples can
lead totally
sexless lives. Having said that, I should
mention that Japanese love anything 'fresh'. So I would
like to say that he definitely desires you but might be
reluctant to do anything other than looking at you for
obvious reasons: he does not feel so comfortable with
foreign women, he could create a lot of problem for
himself if you did not act the right way, you are his
colleague, you are too young and that can be a problem
in the West, etc.
From now on, I will like you to be nicer to him and
start flirting with him a little bit. You must also
start visiting him in his office more often and now that
you are secretary you are allowed to do so. For example,
if you are going out for lunch or will be away from your
desk for a while, it is best to walk to his office, and
tell him that you will be gone and if he needed anything
urgently. And when you come back, just stop by his
office to tell him that you are back and if he needs
anything. You must also start to comment on his outfit.
And simply stop calling him or sending emails. Always go
to his office. If it is an email that you need to
forward to him, print it and bring it to him and then
ask him if we wants the electronic copy of the email.
In terms of outfit, I think you consider switching to
skirts. Japanese men do not like
women in pants.
Japanese men also have a
fetish for underwear
particularly
panties. So let us keep this in mind as we
work on the next step.
Do you have a
jacket that you can zip? What I want to
know is if you can wear a
bra top and then put a jacket
so that when everyone else is around you can simply look
decent with your jacket all zipped up (or buttoned up).
But then unzip it when you are with him.
*****
I shall definitely take this advice although he won't be
here for the rest of the week. I also get worried about
disturbing him too often as he has much work and is a
very busy man.
Today he was asking me how I liked my job and I told him
that if my contract could extend beyond August this
would be great as I loved my job and I told him that I
thought he was a wonderful boss!
Earlier on in the afternoon (prior to the above) he was
making strange comments about how European people have
higher body temperatures than Japanese (don't know quite
what he meant) maybe he was a touch drunk after lunch,
maybe not.
As for
wearing skirts, yes, I have some but these are
mostly long skirts as my
legs are not my best feature
and so I would rather emphasize my better parts! Also
worried about looking sluttish! Could this turn him off,
as he is an
older man!!!
I wore a pair of tight black trousers, with a black
shirt buttoned only at the bottom, to reveal a
low cut
red top. One of the younger diplomats was taking a good
look but my boss never looks at my
bust in front of
me. I once caught him sneaking a glance at it when he
thought I was not looking (but actually I saw him,
though he does know this, and he seemed to catch his
breath!)
But anyway today he seemed more comfortable and we even
cracked some jokes together. I wonder whether I am
fantasy to him but one, which due to his upbringing,
Japanese culture etc., this makes me a fantasy that he
could not, due to mental blockages, realize. I also
secretly start to have other concerns about his manhood
items due to what
European women tell me about Japanese
men.
I teased him today as he was saying that an inferior
diplomat was actually smarter than the inferior
diplomat's boss, so I said, “that’s not a very Japanese
thing of you to say. What if I tell him you said that?”
He was worried for a moment then he laughed, but still
don't know what he thought of that.... perhaps he was
surprised but sometimes I can't help saying things that
I should perhaps reconsider as I am very spontaneous in
my verbal manner but then again European men have
admired me for exactly that: the fact that I am quite
direct.
The kinds of clothes I have are tight-fitting trousers:
dark red, various black (in silk, etc different
materials), bright red, blue, grey, all of them are
low
waist cut and mostly boot leg cut, and of cours,e
flattering for the buttocks! I have shirts of various
different colors which I combine with these trousers,
sometimes, like today, I put a top underneath the
shirt that way I can either button it up and be discreet
or undo all the buttons for
seduction. I also have some
nice woolen jumpers, but smart and all tight fitting in
general and some nicely cut t-shirts in blacks, white,
brown etc. Then I have a couple of
short skirts but
these are all quite fancy and not simple enough for
office wear, as they are more for
nightclubs.
Yes I definitely need tips in how to
stand, walk, and
approach him. This is very important and I feel so
clueless about this. Also
how to show my body in a way
which is not whorish as today I have to say I felt a bit
whorish in my low cut top. When I
put on a low cut item my breasts are very obvious to say
the least. But still I should occasionally use what I've
got, I feel.
It’s so good to talk to you, I don't want to tell any of
my colleagues as this could be too dangerous and none of
my European friends are able to advise me about Japanese
men and normally I don't have a problem chatting up
European men and usually get what I want but with my
boss I really can't tell if he likes me or not or
whether its all in my imagination.
What can I say but that love is making
me lose my usual composure? Today I wore a skirt on your
advice, and in fact it is the first time I wore one to
the office. I walked into my beloved Mr. Toyota's office
this morning, as per usual, to deliver the mail to him,
and as I walked in he was walking out which surprised
both of us. Maybe he was surprised also to see me in a
skirt but anyway we were both nervous and I almost threw
the mail
into his arms and he almost dropped it and all in all
quite an awkward situation. I should have been a lot
more cool and collected but I was reacting to his lack
of composure as well. Anyway I hope to
find an excuse to
see him one last time, even if it is to wish him a good
vacation before he leaves. He will not be there from
this afternoon onwards and I feel like I am falling for
him big time - I feel a tad sad. I got a call from an
ex
of mine, who is a
good looking, fine,
young man but all
other men seem inconsequential and though it’s been a
long time since I have been with anybody, and of course,
have animal desires, I want to
save myself for my boss.
I don't even want to
look at another man.
I have his
mobile number but he does not have mine but
then again its not at all common for European staff to
give their bosses their numbers plus outside of work our
bosses should only be disturbed for urgent matters, so
this means unless something very serious happens I will
not be calling him.
I am a bit worried as I was chatting to one of the
chauffeurs (who drives the diplos to meetings etc.) and
I was telling him how I wanted to stay on later than
when my contract ended and that I had asked my boss. He
asked me who my boss was so I said Mr. Toyota and he
said well he
likes the ladies and you are well made so
things should be on your side. Obviously I was quite
flattered as regards the chauffeur's remarks as to me
but a bit worried that Mr. Toyota is a
ladies' man. I
felt like asking the chauffeur more and why he said that
but I felt that it was not an appropriate moment
especially as he was with another chauffeur. I'd like to
ask him next time I see him why he said that but then
again I am scared of rousing suspicion. I don't want to
be with Mr. Toyota if he is a
flirt or a
Casanova. I am
quite worried about this. One of things that attracted
me to him in the first place was my assumption that he
was a bit
shy and discreet and not a
gigolo type. I got
very
badly hurt in my last relationship. I was very much
in love and living with my
ex for three years but he was
a Casanova and
cheated on me amongst other things, plus
one day I saw one of the
women he had betrayed me with
and I could not believe it as she was
fat and ugly and
neither could any of my friends fathom why? How this
could happen to me? Why did he jeopardize our
relationship for 12 hours with a
fat lumpy lady? But he
did and this was one of the reasons it ended between us
- the principal reason in fact. I don't want any more
Casanovas or playboys. I want a man who is obsessed with
me - egoistical as this sounds.
I understand my
ex was one
gigolo type as he was very
good looking and could have any woman he wanted but my
boss is not I would say conventionally attractive in
that sense and does not have
muscles popping out of his
T-shirt but has a lot of
charm and grace and is a very
elegant, distinguished type of man, plus he has power
and I assume
money (which
attracts many women) so a bit
worrying. I guess also I have been
out with one older
man and a part of it that I liked was that because
I was
younger, he felt like he had to be very nice to me and
he was scared that I was easy type, although he was
wrong I am very
faithful. Maybe this strange power
dynamic is part of the appeal. It’s true he likes to
look at my blonde colleague too, in my (perhaps vain)
opinion I am better looking than her, at least conventionally (she has
thin lips and
small breasts but
this could be appealing to Japanese) but who knows.
Anyway I
feel jealous when he looks at her though he
always looks at me as well. I am starting to feel quite
confused about all this!
Is it true that
Japanese men's equipment is very small
compared to Western men? This is another issue of worry
for me.
*****
- Don't be nervous or
stressed out. You want to come
across as a
confident person. A
confident person
produces more
lust in a man. And remember that you can
be sweet and cute but still be confident.
- If he
rejects your advances and does not respond, don't
take it personally. Remember that he is
married man much
older than you and even if he wants you, he might not
want to do anything for moral reasons. It does not mean
that he does not think you are a
wonderful girl.
- Go slowly. That way, if something goes wrong we can
either change the plan or stop it altogether. In the
beginning, in particularly, do one thing at a time and
see what happens.
- I also did not answer another question that you had the
other day. From what I know, Japanese men prefer
discreet encounters so it is unlikely that he would want
to do anything either at his house or yours. They prefer
weekend trips to
hotels in the countryside. So be
prepared for that.
- Finally do not forget to
smile.
*****
So to recap, I need to
walk shyly at first into his
office but then with more confidence thrusting my
bust
forward (!) and looking in his eyes smiling, smiling,
smiling.
When he talks I must listen open-mouthed and play with
my pen in my mouth.
I should
wear sexy clothes and do plenty of bending at
an angle so he can catch glimpses of my
ample cleavage.
Also I should use
color contrast bras; is that it? Well,
anyway I am already organizing some
nice outfits for
next week's
encounter.
What about using my intelligence and personality to
impress him as I am not just a body but also do not know
what a Japanese man wants, and if he wants a
submissive
woman well, he should look elsewhere because I could nor
would want to be.
I can't help but be scared as perhaps we are very
different and, therefore, cannot ever be more than very
fleeting lovers, if that, perhaps I will decide I don't
like him or vice versa but still.
I'm just scared because I don't think he'd ever dare
make a move on me, as he is very discreet. Also, maybe
you are right, maybe morally he would also be blocked.
One of my colleagues commented that for them also we are
very 'exotic,' and I figure, also forbidden territory
although
fantasies permitted but that is the land of
dreams and not a reality.
*****
Just thought I would give you the happy ending to my
tale, so that you have the finale to the story!
I think my
crush on my boss was linked to the fact that
I was down and out after
breaking up with my boyfriend
of three years. He had gone to
live in another country,
however, he returned this week back and came straight to
my flat to tell me he still
wanted to be with me and
when I saw him I realized that I still love him so much
and that what we have is so special!
My feelings for my boss could never be anywhere so
profound or deep or meaningful and I realize that I have
a strong future with this guy (who is also close to my
age, European and many things in common) so we are
back
together as a
young, good-looking, prosperous couple and
we are now living together and I am so elated and
overjoyed and happy! And so are both our families also.
I think that yes I liked my boss as he is clever and
wise but I realize that with him it was more a fantasy
and distraction but something with no concrete
grounding. With my man we have something special, we are
similar and we can foresee a future with each other in
the long term and our dreams can actually come true. |
