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| Why did the Japanese man become quiet?
I thought we will have a relationship but after the initial
warmth, he is now cold
| Summary: Below is yet
another instance of a Japanese person showing enormous
warmth in the beginning and once the initial encounter
is over, turning equally cold. The main reason for
this behavior is that Japanese people have two faces and
many non-Japanese fail to appreciate that.
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| Naomi
went on a government sponsored
cultural exchange
trip to
Japan and
met a lot of wonderful Japanese people. Among
those people, one man stood out. During an evening in
Kyoto that included
meals and
entertainment, they sat
together and
found an unexpected bond and instant
connection. After the evening ended, he invited her to
take a
walk through the quaint streets of Kyoto and then
they went for
drinks in an
izakaya. As he escorted her
back to her ryokan, they
kissed for a long time under
the stars and it was a moment that she has not forgotten
since it happened three months ago. Unfortunately she
has not heard from him despite sending him several
emails. She writes, "There is still a sort of tsunami in
my head as I didn't
have any relationships for a long
time. It's difficult indeed to control that
overdose of
chemistry I got in
Japan. Though sometimes I'm able to
reason soundly but I still can't accept all the truths.
Hope you understand me. I comprehend that
men are more
practical than emotional, but at times my female crazy
nature makes me turn my
emotions into practical results.
So, for now I just need to know that I'm
needed by the
person whom I need myself, and in such a case everything
else will turn into a mere technical matter. However, if
I learned that
he was married, or has some other
obligations I'd simply accept it as it is. I'd even
respect him for his decision being so hard for both of
us. I would never destroy deliberately any family or
relationship. I see that it's really stupid for me now
to look for an opportunity to get in touch with him, but
anyway what do I do at the moment. Maybe I
study
Japanese language! Maybe that's a chance for me to turn
that mix of emotions into something creative and
positive. After meeting him I wanted so greatly to
return
back to Japan. It seems that I've already got an
opportunity to start some projects with this country and
I'll be there in three months, and then again in a
couple of months and may be afterwards. What do you
think if I just go to his office simply to say hello as
to an old friend? Would his reaction be negative? I'd
really agree even to
stay just friends, maybe because I
don't like any unresolved matters, everything has to be
clear and definite. I even have a marketing proposal for
his company. I was really really so much heavenly happy
on that
magical evening with him! What do you think?"
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You are
love-sick; aren't you? What you are feeling is very natural,
particularly because you have
not been in a relationship for
such a long time. What I want you to do is to remember that
you both got carried away and after that moment he realized
that it was better to stop. I wish he was more forthright
and
communicative about it rather than just disappear like
this and keep you with all these unanswered questions, but I
can tell you that I have known
Japanese girls who will even
have sex with me but the next day if I called them to say
thanks and that I enjoyed their company, they would not even
pick up the phone. That is why his behavior is
somewhat in line with
how Japanese people behave in such
situations. You have to think in terms of
honne and tatemae because Japanese people do not
always show what they feel and do not feel what they show.
I think the fact that he showered so much affection on you
definitely means that he desired you as much as you did, but
he just did not want to go beyond what he did. And the
reason he is embarrassed and quiet about it is that he may
feel that he went too far and gave you hope which he did not
mean to and rather than explain himself, he just hopes that
his silence will provide you with all the answers.
As you probably found out,
Japan is a fascinating place and
while I returned to the USA 14 years ago I still try to
speak the language, have many
friends from Japan, and keep
visiting. So if you are motivated to learn the language, and
visit again, do it. Maybe he won't be the reason to do it,
but definitely he has been the one to spark it. Who knows
what new opportunities might open for you because of this!
Actually, because
Japanese people can be so friendly, I am
hoping that as you go back, you will
make even more friends.
Now regarding contacting him or visiting his office, I would
say, please do not. I think by not responding to your
messages and keeping quiet, he is telling you that he does
not want this to go any forward. It was just one evening and
it is better to keep that
sweet memory the way it is forever
than to risk its sweetness by feeling unwanted in case you
forced him to do so.
Related:
Dating
techniques for Japan
Why did a Japanese man reject me
Why is a Japanese guy so reluctant to date me |
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