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| Why did a Japanese guy reject me?
Is there something wrong with me?
| Summary: Below is the
experience of a woman who thought her initial
interaction with a Japanese man went so well that there
was hope for something more serious, long-term, but
after an evening of passion, he even refused to
acknowledge that they even met. Read below what
happened and how to make sense of it.
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| Claire
writes, "I am really perplexed now. But first of all
about my little poor self,
young,
blond,
fit,
womanly
and beautiful, having a lot of
attention from men. But
anyways
single at the moment. It happened that after I
lost my husband I was just absorbed in my work and
studies.
HE IS A JAPANESE. I'd really never believe if
somebody described me the situation before I
came to
Japan. In such a case I'd simply smile and say that I
do respect this country and its people very much, feel
very friendly but nothing more; as well as I'd say that
there is totally no logic in this case because he lives
incredibly too far from me and I don't know him and his
lifestyle well enough, more to say, he just looks
totally not like my supposed type of a man! I met him
in the beginning of last month during an
international
conference that lasted five wonderful days. He's a
member of the organizing staff - under 30, handsome, not
tall,
slim and having that
Japanese men's
hairstyle
being quite unusual for us here in
Europe; he was very busy
responsible for the tours and the conference. I was near
and able to talk to him only for some hours, we were all
the time appearing together in different parts of the
program - sittings, guided tours, receptions and it was
really interesting to
communicate with him for he was
very intelligent, attentive and helpful, but much
reserved. Though, by the end of the conference we were
greeting each other just like
old friends
already. So, the whole last evening during the farewell
party I felt sad for I had to leave the next day, and
because his boss didn't let him join all of us. I
noticed that I was so sad mostly because of the thought
that I might never see him again, and also I was
guessing how could this happen to a person like me,
normally thinking only of her job and not of any men,
especially if to take into account such a short
acquaintance in a far away country. Then, the same last
evening, being full of my sad thoughts, when I returned
quite late from the party back to my hotel, whom do you think I met there in the
lobby? It was HIM
reading some book at a sofa. For a
moment I even thought that it's a sort of hallucination
of vision - I just wanted so much to see him again and
well, here he was! It seemed to be impossible because
his work finished long ago and he had to be gone
already. So I came closer just to say hello and asked if
he's waiting for somebody or needs any help. He answered
that he was waiting only for me - he told that once we
agreed to take a photo together, but had no chance
before, and he waited for me specially to keep his
promise." She
continues, "Then we went out, and took some photos
together, and we were walking in the night streets,
talking, laughing, and then he took my hand and told
that he likes me very very much, - wow, my heart almost
jumped out! And, yes, at the empty and dark end of the
street, there was a
wonderful kiss - so really sweet and
breathtaking, and I told that I also really enjoyed that
short time being with him and I promised to do something
to come back soon to meet him again. Then he told that
it'd be really good to meet, but he doubted about the
practical possibility of my coming because we live too
far from each other indeed. I don't know what happened
after, but all of a sudden he became very sad, told that
his
train was leaving soon and he had to leave. I came
with him till the
station and told that I'll call him
from Yokohama where I had to spend a couple more days,
he didn't say anything and left. Once he turned back to
me and gave a wave with his hand, that's all. In
Yokohama I tried to call the mobile number I had at his
business-card without any result, and then asked my
friends in Yokohama to call from their mobiles, but his
telephone was always off. When I came back home I tried
to call to his office too, but he was never at his desk,
either out or in another city working. I tried to write
emails, but no reply. I stopped doing this already, for
I think if I call or write more, he might think that I'm
too aggressive or stalker. Then I thought as I came
back, there would be some more of work, some other
people and I'd be able to distract myself from him and
to forget his amazing eyes but for now it doesn't work.
In any case I'd like to hear your thoughts, but I just
can't understand what happened? I'm sure that I didn't do
or say anything that might hurt him. Why did he decide
to disappear? What is wrong with me? Please, tell me at
least something - just any possible explanation, what
should I think?"
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Unfortunately, none of it surprised me
because I have received 100s of stories like this running
this website for over 10 years. Here are my thoughts on what
could have happened. As you both realized it was impossible
for this relationship to go any farther. The distance is too
big and who knows
if he is even single. Obviously the
chemistry and the attraction was mutual and he fell for you
as much as you did, but like many men, he is less
emotional
and more practical.
Now if this was a Western man, most likely, he will tell you
the constraints, still have a good time with you, and keep
the option open that maybe at another conference or during a
trip, you two might still be able to meet and in the
meantime you could stay in touch by email even though there
is no hope for a relationship. Unfortunately, Japanese
people take a different approach and rather than confront
the reality of the situation, they just avoid the pain and
suffering of separation of
breakup (that is why they quietly
withdraw rather than face the reality). Actually, when I
lived in northern Japan, I met this
beautiful girl who loved
me like crazy (at least that is what I thought) and I
fantasized about marrying her, but when
she decided to relocate to
Tokyo to attend a training
course,
I never heard from her, even though she promised to
call me with the new number and address. She disappeared off
the face of the planet and I have no clue what happened.
This was a beautiful experience for you because it should
make you realize that there is a world beyond research and
work.
Men find you attractive and it is time for you to put
behind your sorrows and make a fresh start. It will be
useless to
pursue this man and please stop
contacting him
because if he wanted this to continue he would have answered
the phone right away, the way he was there for you in the
hotel lobby. He wants nothing more from you and you should
leave him alone.
Related:
Why did the Japanese man turn quiet after first date
Why is a Japanese guy so reluctant to date me |
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