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What is the right time for
dating/relationships?
Wait till you are ready
Should you be dating if everyone around you is doing so? Is there a
right time for
dating? What if you have other priorities than dating? Should you date even if you are not
ready for a
relationship? For some people like Josh this type of obsession, particularly among college students, can be a problem.
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Josh writes, "I look at dating and realize that so much of dating these days is meaningless. I honestly don't feel I have the appetite for such on/off relationships. I'm only 20. Why do I already feel like a middle-aged man looking at relationships? Why is it that everyone else around me, all my friends all have such enthusiasm for relationships, etc, while I pretty much want to focus on other things? I mean, my friends tell me I should "want" love,
intimacy, etc... but I simply don't. It just doesn't have that big of a place in my heart or mind right now. They always tell me to follow my heart and do what I feel is right, but my most natural instinct when dealing with women, at least when it comes to romance, is to retreat into my shell. Don't get me wrong. While
I am very
shy, I'm not really frightened of relationships, I just don't feel the urge to bother with them at this time. I'm actually genuinely happy when the whole subject is out of my mind, but my friends insist on pestering me about it. So the more I think about it, the
more depressed I get about
it, because I'm led to believe there's something wrong with me. Is there something wrong with me? Most of my peers are already seriously dating. I am doing neither, nor do I feel compelled to join them right away.
I would like to hear your thoughts." |
There is nothing strange with Josh or anyone else who is not dating. Many of my friends have an active social life but they are not dating for a variety of reasons. If this were the case your whole life and you were
actually in your middle age, it could be somewhat worrisome. While there is no rule that dictates that one must date, or have a relationship or get married, people in general do fall in love, maybe
even marry, and others even decide to start a family.
Actually studies also prove that married people are typically happier than single people.
But we should all have a choice.
However, you are still very young and there are a lot of other priorities that you could have.
If a committed relationship is not on the
top, then there is nothing awkward about that. In fact use that leftover energy to do whatever else you enjoy doing - culture, music, sports, education, arts, etc. In many countries,
where arranged marriages are
common, people do not spend their college years worrying about relationships. They simply dedicate themselves to building their careers.
Now you also admit that
you are rather shy - which itself is a problem. Do you have any kind of social life? Being socially active is important for our normal development - learning to interact with others of all ages/types/gender builds skills that are critical to
succeeding at school, work, family life, and
relationships. So while there is nothing wrong with not rushing into a romantic relationship, you must have good friends, spend some time with other people, and just be part of the society around you. And this does not mean that you have to be in love. You can actually participate in many social activities that provide an excellent opportunities for social interaction but are not meant for couples. For instance, sports, volunteering, book clubs, hobby clubs, etc.
Recommended article: How
to find casual relationships?
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