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Boy
meets girl in Japan
Challenges
of romance with a Japanese
By Pierre
Coda
When
the Alitalia flight took off from the airport in September 1994, I
realized that I was finally on my way to Japan.
While I had been excited about leaving for Japan, as I sat on the
plane, I realized how unprepared I was.
I had tried to learn some language but did not make much progress.
While it may seem so stupid today, there was no Internet in
those days and the books cannot really prepare you to what awaits you in
Japan (I realize this only in retrospect).
It appeared that I was the only non-Japanese on that flight.
Seeing so many Japanese people around me and not being able to
understand a single word, I already felt that I was 'out' of the group –
something that I found out later on was so integral to Japanese approach
to treating foreigners. I sat
in the window seat and the middle seat was empty. In the aisle seat was a young Japanese woman who seemed to be
returning from a trip to Europe. She
barely acknowledged me in the beginning but when I smiled at her, she
asked me in broken English where I was going.
When I told her that I would be attending a university in Uonuma to
study Japanese management, she looked at me if I had three heads.
She did not appear to believe that a young man who did not speak a
word of Japanese was headed to the middle of nowhere to study how Japanese
managed their companies. We
did not talk much after that though we did seem to connect physically in
an unusual manner by sharing the middle seat to stretch our legs during
the flight. I had been
forewarned that Japanese were very careful to avoid touching others.
However, when she saw me trying to get comfortable for the night by
taking my shoes off, she gestured to me by moving her legs to one side
that I was welcome to share the middle seat.
In a rather strange way, we almost slept together with our legs
interlocked for the major part of the flight.
Getting
out of the Narita Airport and making the trip to Tokyo was uneventful
though I sat like a zombie. As the train whizzed through green fields and crowded neighborhoods with
small, rather ugly houses, I was almost disappointed with the landscape -
where were all those beautiful 14th century houses in the
countryside that I had read about? On
one hand, I was sitting in a very high-tech train, but everything else
appeared low-tech (the women drying laundry in their balconies did it for
me). I told myself that I had
to be patient – this was just the beginning of the adventure.
Very soon, however, I started approaching the center of Tokyo and
that is when I realized how wrong I was.
Japan was as I had imagined it to be but could never really make a
clear picture in my mind just from the books and movies.
As
I saw other passengers head towards the door, I started to prepare to
disembark the train as well. As
soon as I put my feet on the platform in Tokyo Station, I knew I was in
trouble. First of all, I was
the only one who seemed to have any luggage with me – two suitcases full
of my student gear (books, sports gear, clothes, computer, etc.) – and
secondly, I had no clue where to go to find the platform for the shinkansen.
While there were signs in English, I had not prepared myself
mentally for the mad rush in the train station.
I also knew that I only had 11 minutes to get to my train and I was
well aware that train would leave on time (even without me!).
As
I ran frantically on the platform, I bumped into a drop dead gorgeous
Japanese woman. When I
excused myself, I was shocked to hear the response – “I guess you need
some help.” A big smile
came on my face and all I could say was, “Please help me board my
train” and I handed her my ticket.
She looked at the ticket for a second and said, “Follow me
please!” and grabbed the handle of my suitcase.
She was short and slim, dressed in a pale green suit with a
scarf around her neck. Though
this was not the moment for me to admire a woman, I could not avoid it
either as I saw her gliding from platform to platform, up and down the
escalators, as if she was a 16 year old girl.
Two minutes prior to departure time, as we arrived in front of what
was clearly a ‘bullet train,’ she said, “Let’s board.”
Only when I was aboard, I realized that she was putting her bag on
the train as well and was traveling on the same train with me.
What a coincidence! Since
we did not have reserved seats, we were free to sit together.
I still had adrenaline flowing in my blood but with my bags in
place and having found a seat, I was starting to calm down.
The
train had started to leave the platform. “Thanks so much for your help.
I would have missed this train without your help,” I said.
“You are very welcome! By
the way, I am Hana Hamada and I am traveling to Komaki, an island off the
coast of Japan. I am happy
that I could help you and I do not have to be bored on the train now – I
have someone to talk to.” She had a trace of an accent but it was cute
rather than irritating. I
have always liked people with accents because it feels nice to hear people
speaking English differently. Having
lived in many countries and being raised in a bilingual family, I speak
English with an accent that is unique to me. "I am Harry.
I am traveling to Uonuma to spend two years learning Japanese
management. Pleased to meet
you. I was under the impression that you do not easily run into people who
speak English but I am glad I did,” I introduced myself. She told me right away that she was twenty-one
years old and asked my age. At
that time I misread her intentions wondering to myself why a woman you
have just met on the train would want to know your age but this was
another learning I had later that it was a perfectly acceptable question in
Japan. She told me that her
name meant ‘flower’ which now made so much sense as I continued to
admire her beauty and grace.
The
train ride to Uonuma did not seem that long, as I was totally absorbed in
the conversation with Hana. From
time to time, I did catch a glimpse of the countryside as the shinkansen
zipped at 150 miles an hour. I
was of course taken aback to get a glimpse of Fuji-san covered with snow
as the setting sun cast an orange glow on the peak.
I saw pachinko lights and small cars running around in the narrow
streets. Hana spoke to me so
energetically that I had to revert back to her face as soon as my eyes
wandered. I arrived in the
dormitory at dinnertime. As
soon as I dumped my bags that some other students help me carry to my
room, I passed out on the bed. I
was too tired and jetlagged to eat dinner.
~
I
woke
up only when the phone rang. It
was Hana. I thought she
called to say hello and I did not realize how late it was until she said
that she was in the parking lot to pick me up.
She understood that I was still in bed and knew right away that I
was still jetlagged. I asked
her to come to my room to wait while I got out of bed and dressed. My head was still heavy and I felt too lazy to move but I
realized that I had been sleeping for almost 20 hours.
I ran to open my bags to find a robe so that I could wrap it over
my thong – my favorite
underwear.
I
did not have an undershirt on but by the time Hana was at the door, I was
able to spray some water on my face and comb my messy hair.
She looked impeccable – actually better than the day before when
she looked exhausted from a hectic day in Tokyo.
She was dressed a lot more casual today though – a black colored
high neck, sleeveless, skin-tight top, an earth colored skirt, and a
backpack. Her dark black hair
hung loose. For a moment she
looked like a college student to me.
I was a little uncomfortable to have this gorgeous woman in my tiny
room when I had not even unpacked.
When
I realized that if she was completely comfortable showing up at my place
after only a casual introduction on a train ride, I might as well feel
comfortable. As I struggled
to find my belongings in my luggage, she offered to help me unpack and
suggested that I should get ready while she would organize my room.
Despite
my discomfort at a stranger taking a peek into my private life, Hana
started taking my clothes out and neatly placed them in the cupboard and
into the dresser. I was
fascinated as she lifted each item as if it were a delicate piece of art
and made sure it was placed in the most appropriate place.
When
I came out of the shower 10 minutes later, my room was so well organized
that it seemed that I had been in that room for months. While there were dozens of things to organize, I felt that
this place belonged to me now. Hana
volunteered to come back to help me unpack.
She was really making an effort to help me or was she just being a
pest?
While
I was not sure I would have needed her help, but I was starting to like
the way she had organized my room in 10 minutes.
Is it that the Japanese are better at decorating even tiny places
or is art a way of life in Japan or is that Hana is an artist?
~
When
we arrived at her house, I knew that it was a big party.
There were at least a dozen cars parked on a narrow street outside
her house. Of course I had
not yet developed a liking for Japanese style traditional houses but I had
not seen them from inside yet. We
arrived in the lobby and I saw Hana take off her boots to show her
beautiful feet in black pantyhose. I
was mentally prepared for taking off my shoes but felt uncomfortable
actually doing it for the first time.
Hana slid the wooden door and shouted ‘tadaima’.
As
soon as she said that I heard several Japanese women speaking at the same
time though I did not understand a word.
It was clear that whatever I had learned had not been of great help
in real Japan.
As
soon as they saw me, all of them rushed to greet me. Fortunately they were three men too and that made me feel a
little better but they were all relatively shy. While the women tried to shake my hand and offered me a
cushion to sit, as others rushed to bring me beer, the men almost
hesitated to even come closer to me.
However, I introduced myself to them and I realized that they
seemed so much more relaxed after that small handshake.
Most women spoke only broken English and naturally Hana became my
unofficial interpreter.
The
men actually did not speak to me at all after that and kept to themselves.
Not that I minded that a great deal but I was not sure that I
wanted to just talk to women only, especially when I could notice that
Hana was clearly interested in me, whether romantically I was not sure.
I
tried a couple of exotic dishes and all the women were kind enough to
explain to me what they were and how they were cooked assuming that I
would be trying all those dishes. It
was interesting though to be chatting with all these women without really
understanding everything. For
the first time I realized how important language is and at the same time
also how unimportant it is – human beings seem to have enormous
capability to understand each other without exchange of words.
Our face, our eyes, and most importantly, our lips seem to
communicate so much.
The
party ended with at least half a dozen invitations for me to try Japanese
restaurants or to attend local festivals or to just get to know Japan.
And almost everyone grabbed my phone number and I was already
getting nightmares thinking about the constant ringing of the phone and
parties with other women.
Hana
did not call me the next day as I was expecting (after all she promised
so). I was rather surprised
since I almost started to look forward to her call.
I did get a little upset at the end of the day but there were just
too many things going on – I was settling down in my room, there were
new students coming all day long, I went to several introduction parties,
and I had to start getting ready for school.
Hana did not call me the next day too.
Before going to bed, I decided to call her even though I was not
sure if I should have called her. I
had heard horror stories of how Japanese women use foreign men – pretend
to fall in love, even have intimate
relations, only to brag about it to their friends,
and then you never hear from them, or they would not return phone calls,
or would just act so cold that the baka gaijins would simply give
up. I was told that the
reasons foreigners have this bad reputation of finding the next Japanese
woman they could go to bed with was not because these men were inherently
promiscuous – it was simply that the Japanese women treated them in this
manner while at the same time there were another half a dozen women
willing to check another foreigner out in a similar fashion.
Hana
did not answer the phone when I called.
I did not know what to make of it – it was late and I had
expected her to be home. However,
I did not want to leave a message since I was now unsure of what was going
on. She could have very well
been there screening calls or gone partying elsewhere.
I went to bed wondering what was going on.
~
I
rushed
to my classes in the morning and out of curiosity I stopped to take a peek
into my mailbox – wow, there was a packet! I wasn’t expecting anything and was so excited that I
practically tore the wrapping paper off (as my Japanese classmates looked
on with horror). There was a
small box of Japanese rice candies along with a card made from handmade
paper. Hana was brief. “I thought we were gonna be friends. It seems though that I am the only one who feels that way.
Good-bye. And here is
small token gift for our brief friendship.”
What is this supposed to mean?
I was angry and frustrated. How
could Hana even think like that? Doesn’t
she have patience? Doesn’t
she ever think of other possibilities?
Couldn’t she just have called to at least find out if everything
was OK with me?
~
I
was
almost ready to forget Hana and focus on school. My first few days in Japan were already quite overwhelming to
me and the relationship with Hana had a rather choppy start.
Maybe I moved too fast into getting involved with a Japanese woman
while I was still struggling to find my bearings in Japan.
I did speak casually to a Japanese professor of mine about Hana to
get her input on my experience. The
professor advised me to not give up on Hana so fast.
"It is common for Japanese women to behave differently with
foreign men," she said. Japanese
women can easily assume a totally different personality when they
socialize with non-Japanese men. They
do not expect to be treated like Japanese women and this creates a lot of
complications – no woman really knows how she wants to be treated.
She gets her information about how women behave and are typically
treated by men from movies and books and depending on what she watches and
reads, she can sometimes get rather corrupted information.
This insight from my professor, who had lived for several years in
Europe, was very helpful in raising some hope for my rather brief,
tumultuous romance with Hana.
This
conversation also indicated to me something else – romance with Hana was
not going to be easy.
While she was a great person to be with to give me a perspective on
Japanese people, and women in particular, she was going to be a lot of
work as well. While I
considered knowing Japanese people as part of my education, I did not
prepare myself for as much work as my university education.
After
thinking about Hana for a few days and weighing all the pros and cons of
continuing a relationship with her, I made my decision – to give up on
her. I thought it was in my
best interest not to get too seriously involved with someone who could be
an emotional drain on me while I focused on my primary objective, that is,
to learn Japanese management practices.
It
was not easy to just walk away from Hana.
I thought about her a lot and wondered what would it be like to
know her more closely. She
was the right kind of a person for me to initiate my “Japan
experience.” I was physically attracted to her as well and was already
lonely even though it had been just a few days in Japan. I almost wished that things did not turn out that way – I
needed Hana as much as she needed me, I thought.
I also wondered that she was regretting what she did that if I just
called her and we both talked, maybe, we could make it work.
In
my mind, I had done no wrong, though I was afraid that Hana thought
otherwise. To me ending
a relationship is painful. In
fact I always wonder why do relationships even end.
Why can’t we just be friends forever?
I know people change and so do the environments in which we live,
but that does not necessarily mean that we have to end the relationships
in place. We should simply
appreciate these changes and modify our relationships accordingly.
If my advice were accepted, we would be living in a perfect world
with no divorces or
breakups or even wars.
Knowing
Hana for such a short period of time provided me with tremendous insight
into the Japanese
mind. Though
it was an emotionally difficult and rather painful experience for me to
start my first few weeks in Japan, it did in no way dampen my passionate
desire to explore Japan. Hana
gave me a taste of what it would be like to be with a Japanese woman and I
was determined more than ever to continue my journey.
~
As
I took a final look at the books to prepare for my Japanese test the next
morning, the phone rang. It
was Kyoko. I had met so many
women at Hana's party that I could not immediately put a name to the face,
but I tried to be as polite as possible.
I knew that I would be able to identify her once I saw her in
person again. She was organizing an intimate gathering for some close
friends and wanted to know if I could make it.
When she used the word 'intimate' I knew that Hana would be there.
For a moment I was thrilled with the expectation of seeing her
again but I was also afraid that it might be uncomfortable for both of us.
I
think
Kyoko interpreted my brief silence as a 'no' and politely commented that
it was fine if I was busy. "Maybe
we can do lunch sometime instead," she said.
I told her that I will be there and looked forward to seeing her
and her friends.
~
The
party was at Kyoko's parents' lakeside home.
When I arrived, Hana was already there.
Our eyes met as soon as I entered the porch. She bowed politely and I responded. Most people around us had no idea about our friendship and so
it did not take long for her to drift towards me.
As always she looked attractive in a pink shirt and black skirt.
While other Japanese girls her age typically over-dressed, I found
Hana to have a cleaner look. Little makeup, nothing too flashy, and a cheerful face - only
now I realized how much I liked her.
I
had vaguely heard that Japanese people were expert in putting up
appearances. It was hard to
figure out what was there in their minds because their facial expressions
and body language could be misleading.
That is how Hana was. She
treated me as if I were a long lost friend and she was delighted to see me
again. We sat next to each
other as we ate and Hana introduced me to some of her friends.
I was surprised when I was introduced as her 'long term friend.'
As
the sky grew darker, Kyoko put some soft music on and encouraged people to
dance. I was not sure if Hana
would dance with me but when she pulled my hand and virtually dragged me
to the dancing floor, I was delighted.
I did not know how to proceed forward and I hesitated in my
movements; Hana put her hand on my shoulder and came close to me telling
me to enjoy the dance with her.
As
other couples moved gently around, I felt Hana's warm body against mine.
As we moved, her chest rubbed mine occasionally and I could
smell her hair. I put my hand
at the back of her neck and gently kissed her hair.
She raised her head and looked right into my eyes.
I think she gave a soft smile to thank me.
The next moment she hugged me even tighter.
The
next song had a higher tempo and Hana and I were not able to keep up as
other couples danced. "Let's
go to the lake! I want to
soak my feet in water," Hana said as she pulled my hand again and
dragged me on the gravel-lined pathway.
We walked hugging each other as the music drifted into the
background. In the dim light
of the evening sky, we could hear the insects.
As the gravel path led into the sand on the shore, Hana took her
sandals off and ran into the water. sitting on a large rock, she dangled
both her feet into the cool water. "Take your shoes off.
It feels very nice," she said.
She made some room for me on the rock and I put my feet into the
water. The water wasn't
particularly warm, but it gave me a sense of freshness.
I
don't know if we were saying much to each other. Communication among us had broken down since the day she sent
me that note. I was not sure
what our relationship was anymore and what was appropriate to talk about.
For a while we just sat there as Hana kept moving her feet in the
water. It was when she
started to rub her toes on my feet inside water that I looked directly at
her. As our eyes met, she
continued, even more aggressively, I should say.
As I looked into her eyes in the dim light, I saw her lips part ever so gently. I just looked
as I saw her tongue licking the inside of her upper lip.
It
did not take me long to realize how much I had waited for this moment - as
her tongue explored the insider of my mouth and her toe was now scratching
my leg, I felt as if I had wasted all this time when I should have been
with her. I shifted my weight
and planted my feet on the ground. My
jeans were getting wet but I was now able to lift Hana's tiny frame, swing
her around, and put her body in my lap.
At no point in this exercise, did Hana leave my lips.
Hana now wrapped her legs around my waist and got comfortable with
her rear right on top of my lap.
It
was only when I heard Yasue and Kaneko that she let my mouth go.
They were walking towards the water too and instantly recognized
us. "Dou?"
(Literally translated as 'how') Kaneko asked no one in particular.
"Ii desuyo," ("It's good") Hana replied.
I think nobody knew what Kaneko was asking about and what was good.
Hana was rubbing her nose
into my ears as she licked my cheeks.
She couldn't see Yasue and Kaneko.
I saw Kaneko slid out of her one-piece dress revealing her polka
dot bikini. I think Yasue was
hesitant but when Kaneko was about to drag him into the water with his
clothes one, he was forced to drop off his clothes and join her.
As
Kaneko giggled while Yasue threw water at her, Hana was still busy licking
the inside of my ears now. Yasue
grabbed Kaneko by her hands when she tried to score a victory by moving a
wave of water towards him. He
held her hands behind her back and as she protested, he untied the bikini
top string. As Kaneko howled
in protest, he raised the top in his hands and showed it to me as a sign
of victory. Kaneko was trying
to use the water to hide herself from me but Yasue threw the top in the
water as a large wave carried it away from the shore.
I think he must have tickled her in the bottom as Kaneko jumped up. I am sure she knew that I had a good look as I gave a
thumbs-up sign to Yasue.
I
had managed to lift Hana's shirt , and to my surprise,
she did not protest. For a
split second, she stopped kissing me as if to give me an opportunity to
take it off for her. Yasue
gave me a smile and signaled to me.
Hana was working the back of my neck when I reached behind her. As Hana let
her bra slide off her arms, I held it in my hands and threw it towards Yasue
who jumped in the water to grab it. Hana's
hands were not free either - she had unbuttoned my shirt and was now
hugging me so tight that her chest was now thrust inside my
chest. Seeing us kiss and
with no sign of protest from Hana, Kaneko realized what she was supposed
to do. As Yasue waved Hana's
bra, Kaneko rushed towards him. "Only
if you kiss me," he shouted. When Kaneko sealed her lips to Yasue's, I planted mine on
Hana's again.
Kyoko
was there now at the edge of the lake calling us all to come eat dessert.
I saw her smiling as she saw the two ladies without their tops.
Hana realized that her bra was now on Kaneko and she
merely gave her a nod as the two ladies smiled.
Hana simply put her shirt without a bra and I put my one arm each
around Hana and Kyoko as we walked back to the party.
My
dirty shoes, my wet jeans, and messy face were enough to make everyone
laugh when I arrived in the porch. Hana's
face was red too and she was not embarrassed in planting another kiss on
my lips as everyone clapped.
~
As
we said goodbyes before getting into our cars, Hana shouted, "Let's
meet soon." I shouted
back, "Yes".
~
When
I called her the next day to thank her for her company and to ask when we
could get together again, an automated voice announced, "Your phone
number has been blocked by this user.
The user does not wish to receive calls from you."
Related
links: A
theme party in Tokyo Going
out in Tokyo Story
of making friends in Japan
Japanese language friends
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