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Margaret
writes, "My
life is not hollow, but my heart feels empty. I feel
grateful as I have been blessed with everything (loving
husband, two great kids, education,
job,
wealth, etc.) but
cannot feel happy.
I don’t
talk to my husband, family members, or
best friend about this as they fail to understand
why I cannot be content. So I am open to your
suggestions."
All I
can say is that the
quest for happiness came by chance to me. Like so
many people I went to top schools, got two masters
degrees, and worked as a
management
consultant helping
corporations run their business. It was hard work
and came with a lot of
stress (a lot of pressure from clients and bosses to
constantly over-perform). But it was dull even though I
enjoyed the intellectual aspect of it. Same problems,
save set of demanding executives struggling, and the
pressure to produce results. Since the money was good
and it was the right thing to do (have a white collar
job in a top company), there was never a thought of
giving a thought to my
happiness, until a
beautiful day in fall, my
boss laid me off due to falling sales and profits at
the firm. It was devastating in many ways but it gave me
a
new perspective on life. I concluded that whatever I
was doing was not giving me
happiness
even though I
had money (but no
time to
spend with my wife or opportunities to
spend it on things that I had no chance to enjoy
since I was almost always
traveling or working).
That
is when I concluded that
happiness comes from being with people who I enjoy
being with and doing
things that can make me happy (trance
music,
retro movies,
travel,
reading, pursing my
passion for Japanese and
French culture, etc.). While I was
searching
for a job, I started to spend more time on this
website that I used to run as a hobby and the more I
worked on it the more I realized that I enjoyed it. I
also saw that it was
making money. That is when I thought that I don't
have to go work for some giant company and be miserable.
I could simply
run a website and enjoy what I am doing. And 7 years
later, here I am talking to wonderful people like you,
helping them, and maybe even making a difference. The
money is not as much as I made before, but I
work at my own schedule, often not working at all
for days or weeks as I
travel with my wife or family. I have no boss, I
keep my life simple, and only do things that
make me happy. I actually had an
obnoxious
brother-in-law visiting us last month and it felt so
good to tell him that I will not accompany them on a
trip to
New York (because he stresses me out and behaves
like a nasty man all the time). I told myself I do not
have to do something just to please someone when it
makes me
unhappy.
The
summary of this experience is that you have to look
within yourself to see what gives you
happiness and then do it. I know there are
attorneys who have chosen to become farmers or chefs
because that is what gave them
happiness. You might already know what some of those
things are because as soon as you do something you can
know if you feel happy. It could be
watching movies or going on hikes or playing with
your kids, or whatever else it is. Then see how you need
to change your life so that you do more of the things
that
make you happy and less or none of the things that
you do not like. |
