I hate my life

I always look only at the negatives

Summary: If you want to look for what's wrong with your life, you could spend your life doing it, and still have work to do. The point I am trying to make is that once should focus on the positives even in the worst of circumstances. Before I asked a girl with very low self esteem to list all the great things in her life, I gave her an opportunity to come up with a list of everything that she thought was wrong with her and her life. This is what she came up with:

Photo of a depressed woman staring into empty space

I hate that I have not graduated from college yet (hopefully I will in next six months). I feel that I am really dumb for being in school for 5 years and have not received a degree.

I hate that I have zero girl friends in my home town when I am home for the summer from college. The past three years I ended back at school just to take summer courses so that I could be with my friends but the cost of summer courses is pretty expensive so I chose to stay home this summer. So all I do is work out all the time or I am traveling to see my friends.

I hate that I am 23 and still living under my parent’s roof during the summer; I am jealous of my sister who has her own place in Florida with her boy friend. I think that if I was living on my own I wouldn’t have the feeling that I am a loser with no independence.

I hate that I am not able to have a steady relationship like other girls around me do and it makes me sad that once I feel like I have met the right guy, they end up leaving and it’s not like I am telling them what I want to happen with the relationship because I normally keep it to myself because I don’t want to scare them away but I really want to be married some day with children of my own. That is my true goal in my life besides getting a college BS diploma.

Your challenge is to like what you have. Your next task is to keep a daily journal about what you like about your body and your life as each day goes by. Maybe it is going to be harder than writing about what you hate, but I still want to force yourself to keep that daily diary. You can also include things that others tell you. If your friends or family members mention your eyes or your ability to work hard, well, write those down. You do write that others find you attractive and there is no reason to distrust them, but little by little I think you will realize that you were wrong and they are right.

You have to recognize that not everything in life goes according to plan and you have to ease up a little on yourself. I mean, it took an extra year to graduate, so what?

Photo of a sad woman leaning against a wall

Regarding dating, and your boyfriend ending the relationship, well, in some ways, it is sad, but there is always something good in everything. I think that this is a great opportunity for you to turn your life around, and while you are doing so, you don't have the pressure of pleasing your boyfriend and worrying about him. You are still very young and will have plenty of opportunities for men but in the meantime, you must focus on YOU and then guys will beg to be with you.

The reason you may not have friends in your hometown is that you are in college and friends from high school have moved on with their lives. It happens to everyone except for a few that just end up never leaving their hometown. Remember that girl friend in school that you thought will be friends for life and you couldn't imagine life without her? As we grow older, we move on and find new friends and those feelings from the past seem so childish and juvenile. Hometowns are to spend time with family and just taking it easy. Even if you were able to reconnect with a school friend, after many years, you will realize that you and her have changed so much that things are not the same any more.

Yes, being independent is awesome, but as I said before, everything has a time. In your case, it will come, and for your sister it came early. I had friends who started working after high school and had more money than I who went to graduate school, but in the end, I make more money in a month than they do in a year. So be patient. While you are at home, enjoy the company of your parents and treasure it. Now that I live away from my family, I miss that I did not have enough time with my Mom when I was young and could have more time with her during college breaks.

Please realize that you are just 23 and it is the best time of your life to have fun and take it easy. My recommendation is that you focus all your efforts on academics and getting an awesome job after graduation. A boyfriend and marriage should come after that, hopefully, after another 3-4 years so that you can enjoy yourself with your own money before the responsibilities of being a wife set in. All good guys expect a woman to be driven, be educated, and add to the family income by having a decent job.

I hope I have given you enough material to think about, particularly about how you should view the world and reset your priorities. I hope you will dwell on these issues and assess how you need to start looking at men and relationships in a different light.

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