Relationship after a breakup

Not fair to your current partner if you are still in touch with an ex

Anita has been living with her boyfriend for past 15 months and their wedding is set for three months from now. The boyfriend had a 10-year domestic partner but things did not work out and they decided to breakup and move on. While they were not married, they did have joint assets. “Here's my struggle: he wants to call and be his ex-domestic partner's friend life-long, "like a sister." I am very uncomfortable with the idea even though I am not a jealous person. I am trying my best to accept this but have a very difficult time doing it. Please help," she writes (yes, we do answer all questions from our readers so please feel free to write to us with questions, comments, and your story).

While I am all for a civil relationship with an ex and by that I mean not hitting each other if you accidentally meet or if you have to meet because you have children together, but it simply does not make sense to have the arrangement that he is proposing. Here is the thing. If I have a "sister" or a good female friend before marriage, it is OK to have that relationship after my marriage – she just becomes a family friend now. On the other hand, if I have had a romantic relationship of any kind with a woman, it is naive to imagine that this can turn into a "sister" or friendship after that (unless of course, you are Bruce Willis, Demi Moore, and Ashton Kutcher). If he likes her so much that he wants her as a lifelong friend, then he should be with her not with you. I would strongly encourage you to reconsider your decision to marry this man unless you resolve this issue.  (Related: How to let go of an ex?)

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