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It
is not always easy to meet Japanese women
Japanese
women are looking for certain specific attributes... continued
from
Find love in Japan
 Did
Bob have rather high expectations of Japan?
Doesn’t the American culture allow even non-Americans to behave
like the Americans do? Should
Japanese people not behave differently in Japan – a society that is
conformal? Isn’t Tokyo, or
for that matter any metropolitan area, a tough place to find a Japanese
woman?
The
kind of Japanese woman (elegant, sophisticated, cultured, refined,
traditional Japanese beauty, intelligent, artistic, etc.) idolized by a
lot of Japan lovers from the images of Japan exists in very few numbers
and is accordingly hard to find. We
have received hundreds of emails from men who have had disastrous
experiences with Japanese women since their expectations of both parties
were out of sync. The woman expected a tall, blue-eyed, blond who would
always treat her like a lady while she could be a more ‘free’ persona.
On the other hand, the foreigner expected a docile woman who would
be pleasant, charming, polite, and less demanding.
No wonder the dreams were shattered for both resulting in
unpleasant memories.
(Related:
Japanese wife)
A
lot of foreigners go to Japan believing that Japanese women are ‘easy to
get’ especially if they meet the criteria described above. If nothing else to do, these men go there on the pretext of
teaching English or working as a model or just exploring the culture,
engage in short-term
relationships, and come back.
This has reinforced an image of the foreigner as someone not
looking for a committed
relationship.
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Considering
the structure of the Japanese society, it is very difficult for a Japanese
woman to visualize herself being married to a non-Japanese when it is so
difficult even to have a non-Japanese
boyfriend. But the attraction of the foreigner male is very powerful.
The outcome – use the male as a ‘toy’.
Play with him, find out what is really like to be with someone who
is not ‘Japanese’, but move on to
happily settle down with a
non-Japanese. Among Japanese
women, there is a tendency to ‘test’ men of different origins.
First, they want a foreigner boyfriend – to practice English (or
any other foreign language) and learn about the culture.
Blond, blue-eyes preferred. If
they have tried an American, they then want a European or an Australian. Finally, they want a French or an Italian or Spanish.
The more adventurous ones might even go for Latinos or Africans
though there is general disdain for almost all Asians.
In most cases, the objective is to explore rather than to genuinely
discover their soul
mate.
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But
aren’t a lot of men finding
true love in Japan? Yes, there are countless wonderful
Japanese women and men who
are married to them lead blissful lives.
Most of them found them by not looking for a Japanese wife but
circumstances brought them together.
(Related article: Experiences
with Japanese women)
Japanese
society is very complex and the mind of a Japanese person is almost
unfathomable to a non-Japanese because of the manner in which
communication is conducted the Japanese.
The way in which the generally polite Japanese walk away from a
relationship is so frustrating that most men who write to MYNIPPON appear
to be very angry and
confused. They
do not complain that the relationship ended – they hate the fact that
they were not treated like a ‘toy’ that was played with and then just
abandoned. There is no simple
answer that we have been able to uncover from our research.
This is the way it is done in Japan and you have to learn to live
with it if you are in a relationship with a Japanese.
Everything
that Bob has gone through is not unusual – we have learned of each of
these things happening to other men.
We feel that living in Japan must have been an enriching experience
for him in other ways and he should think of it as an asset.
He should return home with a positive mind and not stop his quest
for his ‘dream girl’. Who
knows – may be she is not a ‘Japanese’?
Recommended: How to find a Japanese girlfriend?
Going
out in Tokyo How
to approach Japanese women?
Tokyo Girls collection
Dating tips from Luann de Lesseps
What do Japanese
women want in a man
Facts
about Japanese girls
Date married Japanese women
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