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Natalie
writes, "I have had a
best friend for 13 years. Since the beginning of our
friendship,
we have always messed around. I'm the first person he
calls after work, and the only person his family invites
over for
sleepovers and vice-versa. I sleep at his house at
least once a week, and every time I do
things
get pretty hot and heavy when we are in bed (yes, we
share the room and his parents know this and even
encourage it). When we go out, he is always making sure
I am comfortable, asking me if he can do anything for
me. I know there is a
mutual attraction, and EVERYONE around us sees it
too. I've been
through several relationships, but they never work
out because I would rather spend time with him. He says
it's not worth it to him to find someone, because they
will
cheat and then
take half your stuff after a divorce. I want to show
him that I could
treat him
like the king he is. I
cook
for him,
clean his place sometimes, and even do his chores
like laundry. Help! I can't take him
overlooking me anymore. What can I do to try to make
him see what I and everyone else around us sees?"
Your
friend is either
scared of commitment himself or is
cynical towards committed relationships because he
has had bad experiences in the past or has taken note of
way too many
couples breaking up/divorcing after years of
relationships/marriage.
I am
not sure that trying to become his maid will make him
change his mind, but what you can try is to
communicate to him what you are telling me. Also
enlist the help of others around him to talk to him to
explain to him that despite
bad
relationships out there, if a
couple wants to do it,
marriages succeed and
people can be happy. He has to realize that just
because some people have accidents while driving, the
rest of us do not stop
driving; we are just more careful. In other words,
just because some
women cheat or
divorces happen, it does not mean that you
don't get
married; you just try harder to
find the right person and then work on the
relationship every day to make it a success.
If
none of this works, you will have to
end this friendship, or at least the
sexual part of this friendship, because this
crush that you have on him maybe preventing you from
working on your own relationships. Once you are free
of him, I expect that you can
focus completely on your relationship, and make it
work. |
