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Collin
writes, "I have known this girl for a long time, but we
hardly spoke to each other until a year ago when we
started to work in the same building. We see each other
almost daily and after we both had a fight with a mutual
friend
we have become closer. It wasn't until 2 months ago that
I started to
have feelings for her. I am really not that close to
her yet; in fact she is really
hard to read as a person. She is rarely open about
certain subjects, and is
shy on the inside, but tries to hide it with an
hyperactive and mild extroverted personality. My main
doubt is that, I know turning a
best
friend to lover is difficult, but she is not my
best friend. We are relatively close, but not that
much.
Logic tells me that it shouldn't be as hard as
getting out of the
best friends thing, but with these
things, logic sometimes don't apply. Also, I think now
I'm at a turning point. If I continue with the friend
behavior maybe I'm going to dig myself but I'm not that
far away to not cause suspicion about me becoming all of
a sudden,
romantically interested. As an added piece of
information, she has never had a boyfriend, she is not
that pretty, the last man
she was interested in, turn
her down years ago, and for a moment or two I had the
feeling that she
still
thinks about him even though she says they are now
friends, and she rarely talks about men, at least with
me, unless I somehow bring it up. Also she says
she prefers to be alone than be in a
bad
relationship, and that she is not touchy feely even
thought she looks to be a sucker for
romance movies. I'm thinking it's all a defense
mechanism, but, how to deal with, as a best friend. I
think she would frustrate me, but as a
girlfriend, I'm willing to make it happen."
 Regarding
your situation, it seems that it will be a difficult
journey for you because of all the negatives in her that
you have clearly identified. Having said that, the good
news is that a lot of things that people discover in
first few
dates about a person, you already know.
I think the
right way
to approach her would be to invite her to something
more
romantic, like a dinner or a
movie, give her a
girlie
gift, and then note her reaction. You can even make
comments that you are starting to like her and wonder if
she is interested. It is not totally uncommon to
start a relationship with a friend. She also trusts
you at this point and the only stumbling block could be
that she thinks that you are a
great friend but not her idea of a
romantic
partner. |
