| A
rather unsubstantiated study is popular in Japan. When people go to the United States or Western Europe to
study/work, and then return to their home countries, most of them become
ambassadors of goodwill for that country.
They end up working for a US or European corporation (whatever the
case), often go back on vacations/business trips or just to meet old
friends, host acquaintances from that country, and without knowing it,
simply end up pushing USA or Europe in their home country.
On the other hand, a vast majority of foreigners who stay for some
time in Japan end up hating it and more often than not leave in utter
frustration. While we are a
community of Japan lovers, a lot of people who ‘love’ Japan have some
really awful memories that they would rather forget but cannot.
(Related article: Experiences
with Japanese women)
Here
is a story of a very sincere and committed Japan lover who is so
frustrated in Japan that he wants to leave immediately.
We will let Bob tell his story in his own words:
I
have been studying Japanese in Tokyo and working as a part time English
teacher for about 8 months now. Because I am from California, I
had met lots of Japanese and dated a few Japanese girls long term while I
was in the US. All this
exposure to Japanese women in the US encouraged me to make the break with
living in the US and come here to experience the culture first hand.
The great open-minded, cheerful, friendly people in the US made me want to
see Japan for myself.
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I
am aware that American men possess some characteristics that Japanese
women like, so I did expect to meet with a fair amount of success here,
especially considering that I was very sincere about my approach to
Japanese women. I also knew that Japanese people at large would make it difficult for me to live here and I would face
discrimination of some kind because of their fear of foreigners.
Thus, I was very real in my expectations and I was counting on a strong
one-on-one romantic relationship to be my best cultural connection.
I
was really "out there" dating for the first few months, and on
the surface, things really seemed to be working. I had lots of
contacts, got lots of emails and saw lots of women but I have made no real
connections at all after all this time. The few connections I thought were
progressing disappeared without explanation. I can't believe
it because it seems like Japanese women in Japan are completely opposite
from the ones I met in the US, who were great friends, faithful lovers,
and really nice! |
 A
lot of the women I have met don't really care to stick around. I
go on one or two dates and then they seem to disappear. Or we
exchange emails after having what I thought was a great talk only to not
have her never return my emails.
After seven months of trying to be open, honest and nice, I feel like I
can't be bothered to even try with Japanese women. If I let
them know who I am, it seems as if they are happy to get to know me, but
then drift away, in one way or another. I can't muster the strength to go through that again and again. I just figure she
is faking niceness to me during our conversation or that even if it lasts
for a few weeks, she will drift away.
Two points that I think are causing my failures are:
1. I am 164 cm (or 5'4"), athletic build, blue eyes, and light brown
hair. I have been out with my
tall skinny friends and Japanese women are literally jumping into their
arms, giggling. I am concerned that a large percentage of Japanese
women want to date a gaijin because gaijins are all tall,
with blue eyes and practice ‘ladies first’ policy at all times.
Even though I am athletic and, I think, good looking, I am
wondering if Japanese do not consider me a true "gaijin" because
I don't fit the typical image.
2. I am also 38 years old and not a rich foreigner with a fancy title here
in Tokyo. I am interested in
adventure and learning. I am here at my personal expense to teach
English and learn Japanese. So even though I make a lot of money in
the US as a computer consultant, I wonder that since I don't work for an
investment bank in Tokyo and get paid like an expatriate, I might be
perceived as a "loser English teacher." Again, this would
be the most superficial understanding of me, but I am wondering if the
Japanese ladies are just going down their checklist: tall, blonde,
blue eyes, good job, etc. If I say that I have a great job in the
US, but I took off a year to learn about Japanese culture and language, I
think that might still go in the "loser" category. Having
studied Japanese in university for one year and then giving my absolute
best here in Tokyo to get connected with someone, I feel I must change my
opinion of the Japanese woman. In my experience, she is far
from being someone who I might feel a special connection with, impressed
with her admirable qualities and her beautiful culture, fascinated with
her subtle views on beauty and expression.
These days, all I can see are the superficial girls who have
absolutely no interest in seeking or sharing anything of deep value (at
least with me) and are merely waiting for the next better-looking, taller,
richer gaijin to show up before they leave my side without a care
in the world.
In addition, being here is making me a worse person! If I go to
Roppongi, talk trash, and act like a dog all night, I can usually get
something in terms of a short romance. I don't expect anything deep
and I don't get it either. While going to Roppongi was absolutely
out of the question when I first arrived (I knew the scene there) I find
it now vaguely satisfying to be purely superficial with ‘those’
Japanese girls. At least we understand each other there. Yet,
when I do this I know that I am not being true to the reasons that I came
to Japan. Maybe I came here to see a Japan that is not real and to
meet a Japanese woman that doesn't exist.
So I will be leaving Japan some time soon, unless something changes.
It was meant to be a culturally rewarding experience and was
supposed to be a great opportunity to
get to know a Japanese woman
intimately and romantically. But since it has degraded into
meaningless "nanpa" (Japanese slang for picking up) or
else being alone, things are getting downright depressing. I still feel that there might be a Japanese woman here, with
whom I might share stories, know each other better, and appreciate our
cultures. But I fear she is greatly in the minority. I don't
think I can sort through this junk pile long enough to find that speck of
gold.”
Recommended links: Finding a relationship in Japan Going
out in Roppongi
Romance Guide for Japan Tokyo
Girls collection
Challenges
of relationships with Japanese When
a Japanese woman dumps you Healthy
romantic relationship with a Japanese Japanese
girlfriend at American university campus
Right approach
to dating Asians Dating
Asian women
Move
to Japan Secrets
of Japanese women Manage
expectations in interracial romance Japanese
women over all others
How
to get a Japanese girlfriend? Marriages
in Japan Deborah
Kemp's views on romance
How
to find a Japanese woman Seduction
of Japanese women One
night stand with a Japanese woman Experience
with Japanese exchange students in London Romance
gone wrong with a Japanese African
American men and Japanese women African American women and Japanese men Declining
marriage rate in Japan Breaking
up Japanese style Women
dating Asian men Japanese
girlfriend Relationships
with Japanese women Interracial
relationship with a Japanese Experiences
with Japanese women
A
Japanese man finds relationship with an American woman |
