Bridgette
writes, "I am in my late forties and have been
married for over 20 years. I
love my husband and kids! My
husband adores me and is probably the
nicest human being I know. A few years ago I got
sick and was off work for a few years. I was
depressed,
bored and
felt alone. I kept most of my sadness to myself. A
couple years ago a
married man, also in his late forties, tried to
get my attention. I didn't do anything about it. A
year later I saw him again. This time I accepted a
date for
drinks, hoping I wouldn't be
interested and
move on.
I wasn't, nor have I ever been looking elsewhere.
Needless to say, we have been
hot and
heavy for a little over a year now. Neither of us
want to
leave our spouses. He because of the kids. My reason
is because there isn't anything
wrong in my marriage except that I am in this
emotional
mess with myself. I want to
get out of the relationship with the married boyfriend,
but
can't stick to my decision.. I wish I could run away
from the whole situation but...I know the other person
isn't even good enough for me. I have always had
attention from others, so that's not the issue. I never
thought I would ever be in this situation. Can you
help?"Boredom in marriage is
normal
We
all married folks do get tired and bored with our
spouses. It is very natural. And as you know well and
say so, that does not mean that we want to
leave our spouses because in most cases there is
nothing wrong with them. I mean if I had a to eat a
turkey sandwich for 20 years, will I not get bored?
In other words,
attraction
to this man and the
excitement of being with him provides the
spice that you are missing from your husband.
Having said that, having an
extramarital affair has huge risks. While you may
have no intention to
leave your husband and love him as you have always
loved him, if he finds out, he might not see it that
way. It could lead to
fights,
broken trust, and
maybe even a divorce.
Succumbing to the temptation once
might work
I don't want to give you the advice that you already
know:
breakup with him and move on. You have already tried
that and it has not worked on. I want you to think along
the following lines:
- Can this
man be completely trusted? Can you secretly take
a
short vacation with him? I feel that if you
could do that, and when you come back, you will
simply realize that it was not a big deal. There is
nothing wrong with indulging yourself for a bit
and then go back to your family. I have a
feeling that it might be easier for you to
breakup with him and move on after you have sort
of yielded to the temptation and consummated your
fling.
- Has the
spice
vanished in your marriage? 20 years is a very
long time for a
marriage to become stale,
sex to
become predictable and life to become boring. I
suggest that you have a conversation with your
husband about making some changes.
Similarly, it is also a good time to
change a few things in the bedroom.
- Develop a new passion. Not
just a hobby. Spend some time thinking about what
you really enjoyed or wanted to always do or
would love to do. It may or may not include your
husband or family but it will be nice if it did. Be
realistic, of course. I know I want to
learn how to fly a plane but don't have the
money to do it; so I have chosen to
travel
more, which I can accomplish by
traveling during off season and
staying in inexpensive hotels. As you get
absorbed with this new passion, your current
infatuation with this man will likely go away.
- Another technique that I have
used with several of my other fans is to use a
confidant to help you. So next time you have an urge
to
contact or meet with your boyfriend, you make a
promise to contact the confidant to get his or her
permission. The job of the confidant is to help you
resist the temptation. It could simply mean that she
or he convinces you not to do it or stops by for a
chat or you two agree to meet and
grab
a bite. It is amazing how easily one can resist
a temptation when another person provides the
support. In case you cannot find someone you trust,
let me know and I will be happy to
help by
email.
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