 Adriana,
a college
girl is dating a much older professor in her
university. The
man is married and their
affair is a secret at this time. She writes, "At the
moment he is rather caring towards me, trying to look
out for me financially although there's no need. He
wants to
sleep with me more often and he is also rather
intimate towards me even in public. I know he's had
some
problems at home; I've asked randomly about it. I
try to comfort him as usual, but I'm afraid I might be
the reason why he has a strain in the
relationship with his family. I do hope I'm wrong
though because I do not want to be a
homewrecker. What's your opinion?"
When an older man falls in love....
Regarding
sleeping more frequently, well, if you sleep with
him once a week, what difference does it make if if it
is daily, as long as you both enjoy it.
Regarding affection in public, well, there could be
reasons for this. One, it is just natural (his natural
feelings come out and he forgets he is in public); the
other could be that he actually wants to make this
public and even get caught (it probably surprises you
and it did to me too but a lot of people who
commit
crimes actually like to
get caught,
and that is exactly what Jesse James said when he was
caught
cheating on
Sandra Bullock) or just
make his wife jealous that he is now with
younger girls.
Marriages fail because of people
not others
I would not agree that you are the reason for his
failing marriage. Generally speaking, a
marriage breaks because the
couple has problems and that is why the relationship
with you is an outcome of their
dysfunctional relationship and not the cause.
I think you can tell him straightforward and set some
ground
rules for the relationship: how many days a week,
how much time together, what will you do
together, no affection in public, and whatever else you
want. Trust me, at this point, you have a lot of room to
negotiate with him and he will agree to anything because
there is no way he wants to lose you. |
