to overcome fears?
on gaining self-confidence and reducing anxiety
you think of something that you did not even try for because
you were afraid of
rejection? Can you think of a
person that you know/knew who would go ahead and do whatever
she or he liked without worrying about rejection? Do
you know who was the winner and who was the loser? I
don't have to repeat this since you already know this - if
you have fear of rejection and anxiety, you will not even
try. And if you do try, since you will come across as
someone with low
self-esteem, chances are that you will be
definitely rejected. So it becomes a vicious circle.
(Related article: Rejection
is part of finding a relationship)
us take a look at Lisa's situation. She says, "I really like this guy who works at a video store by my house. My problem is that I am
very shy and scared of rejection.
Since I was in the first grade I have tried to get a boyfriend. But any time a boy found out that I liked them, they would be very mean. So I would keep my feelings to myself. Lately when I meet someone who seems interested in me, all they really want is to use me. I don't know where to start. He and I flirt with
each other, but that is about all. I could really use some
advice." (Related article: Do
not stop enjoying life if you are shy)
So what is the problem with Lisa?
- Shyness which often prevents us from even
- Fear of rejection which again prevents us
- Low self esteem and lack of
- Lack of trust in others.
What should Lisa do?
- Almost all of us are shy to some extent,
particularly when dealing with someone in a romantic
situation. There are enormous amount of resources on
the Internet to overcome
shyness. So take a look at
these websites, and more importantly, practice the
techniques. What I like to do when I feel shy is to
visualize a scenario in my mind and prepare myself for
two-three types of situations and then just go ahead and
do it. So one of the scenarios that I always play
out is what if this person mistreats me or ignores me
(something that rarely happens if you approach someone
with confidence and charm), I just say, "Oh, it was
nice to talk to you. I will see you around."
(Related article: How
to conquer shyness?)
- No matter who you are, you will face
rejection some time. Money, looks, and power can not
buy you every thing. So even the most
rich, and good-looking people face rejection every
day. If you know that in your heart, then you will
have the confidence to say that you are going to try it
and if you get rejected you will simply move on and try
again. But not doing anything because of the fear of
rejection is simply disastrous. You will get stuck
and achieve nothing. So stop fearing and start
- For enhancing your self esteem and
developing your confidence, there are a lot of resources
on the Internet. My personal advice is that you
should be proud of who you are. Confidence and
self-esteem will come naturally. You don't have to
become arrogant; just proud of what you have.
Whether it is your looks or education or job or family or
home or car or whatever, take pride in what you
have. People love those who are self-confident
because that makes them charming and fun to be around.
- Finally, start
trusting people. You
should not trust people blindly and always be
careful. The world is not a perfect place and there
are some mean people. However, there are a lot of
wonderful people out there. But you should start off
with the hypothesis that the person you are interacting
with is actually 'good' till you have enough evidence to
prove that she or he is 'evil'. So it is not true,
as Lisa is afraid, that everyone is out there trying to
use her. This will reduce your anxiety level when
you approach others and make you come across as someone
friendly, charming, secure, and confident.
Recommended links: Raising
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How to be comfortable in my own skin