Porn addiction

When does it happen and what to do?

Maggie writes, "My husband and I have been together for 12 years. He used to cheat on me a lot, until I almost left him for another man. We have been getting along for a long time now, faithfully I think. Anyway when we make love, we watch adult movies sometimes to get turned on. I guess we just get bored with each other. He looks up images on the Internet all the time. That is not what bothers me. I am a pretty open-minded person. I figure if that turns him on, more fun for me, but lately we are living in a sexless marriage. He runs straight to the computer and gets off that way. I try to get him to talk to me and tell me what he wants. I really want to know, I'm willing to do anything for him, but he always leaves it up to me. Why won't he talk to me and tell me. Why do I have to give all the ideas? I would like him to be in control for once and bring some ideas to me. I also want him to quit enjoying images and enjoy me instead. I'm willing to participate in all his crazy ideas and fantasies, even looking at these things with him. What do I do?"

You couldn't have done more to make this man happy with what he wanted - actually, now I wonder that maybe you overdid it.  While I encourage couples to do whatever they can to keep their relationship spicy, this is not acceptable. I think he has reached a point where he may meet the medical definition of "porn addiction." At that point, it takes over your life to an extent that you live in a fantasy world and stop living in reality. I think it is time for you to suggest that he seek professional treatment for his addiction. If a man is enjoys a dumb computer more and does not have real physical intimacy with a willing partner, something is terribly wrong with this man. He needs treatment, not more sacrifices from you.

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