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Cara
writes, “My boyfriend has this air about him sometimes;
he is like Mr. Know-It-All. I doubt it if he can admit
that he has a problem but I think he does because he
shuts himself in his own world and throws me out
completely. But he can be so
amazingly sweet and there are times when he says,
“Honey, I am sorry,” but he struggles just to say sorry
to me and he even admits that it’s an effort. Sometimes
he says he is wrong but that is maybe if his conscience
is alive on that day. Hey, I don't want to paint him
black but I am just saying, yes, you are right, you seem
to know these things better. Of late he is spending most
of his evenings at the
gym. He says it
kills the stress. By the way, does
sex
kill
stress? He said so (to my
girl friend after
gym) but that made me
not want to have sex with him if it was for killing
stress. I did ask him about it and he was so
defensive, “No, baby, I didn't mean that way.” Yeah,
Victor is very interesting, ‘difficult to understand” is
more like it. I am wondering if he needs professional
help.”
Regarding
your boyfriend, there are a few things to consider. I am
afraid that if you tell him that he should
seek help from an expert, he will have to admit that
something is wrong with him. And based on what you have
told me, he is not the man who likes to admit his
mistakes. In order for him to work with a professional,
he will have to understand that there are areas for
improvement and he must seek help and then even more
importantly he must follow the advice carefully.
Otherwise it will not work and then he will blame you
that you forced him to do it and it is not working. So
you have to see if he is ready for it.
He is somewhat right about reducing stress: both
exercise and
sex help in reducing stress. They take your mind off
of
what is causing the stress. And in both exercise and
sex, as you work hard (you know what I mean) you
breathe more oxygen, your blood circulation improves,
and you feel better as
pleasure hormones (endorphins) are released. But
this is the important part:
sex or
exercise alone cannot
reduce the stress. There are two ways of
reducing stress:
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