 You did
the right thing by
divorcing
your husband. It was
not a good marriage and it was right for you to
leave him.
Life as a single mom will be hard but you will do
just fine if you are disciplined and careful. Indeed
your husband will give you a hard time during this
process but you will have to just fight it out before
you can be free; just treat it as a
way to get to a brighter future.
I want to emphasize that I hear each week from
couples who have met online and also from those who
have a
huge age gap. They have
found
love as well as friendship. So despite this
bad experience, I do not want you to give up on
online dating.Be wary of
men online who only want your photos and videos
Having said that, I am very skeptical of your so-called
online friend because of so many reasons: his reluctance
to
show his face or not talk to you on the phone or not
share his photos with you or to ignore you or not to
share enough about his life. In fact, I would not be
surprised if it is not he would be shocked by your
stretch marks or
signs of aging; it will be you who may
be shocked to see your friend in person, if you ever get
a chance. I have heard from a lot of
women who
were duped by guys like these who are plain and simply
creepy loners who spend way too much online (mostly
because either they are
losers who
have no money nor
jobs or just want to take advantage of
lonely women, and
sometimes
teenagers and even worse, kids). I am actually
very concerned that you have sent him so many
photos (I
hope that you were not
undressed in those) and also you
talked to him on
webcam (I am really hoping that you did
not undress or did anything inappropriate, because those
conversations can be secretly recorded) because he could have
shared them with friends or simply uploaded them to
bad websites (sometimes people are paid to upload such
pictures and videos by websites).
I would also not be surprised at all, that you are not
the only one who he is friends with. He may have dozens
of such women who are
desperate for some attention, some
hope that someone loves them, and since you have no
connection with him other than an email address, he can simply
disappear without you ever finding him. There is a very
strong reason for him to avoid using the telephone
(which can often be much more easily tracked by the
police to a person/physical location) and not show you a
picture that police can use to identify a real person
(many of such individuals are
criminals).
How men take advantage of innocent
women on the Internet?
The strategy that such men employ to charm women is that
they will say anything to keep her hooked. I wouldn't be
surprised that he says what you want to hear (that is
why he comes across as someone you had waited your whole
life to meet and will be a
perfect partner) but
sometimes backs off because he is afraid that you are
getting way too serious. That is the reason why he does
not show so much affection any more, or share as much as
you want, or might be planning to
complete break off
with you.
The only thing that I can say in his defense is that he
is just 19 and it maybe it is overwhelming for him to
deal
with a relationship with a woman who is much older and
happens to
have kids too. Having no money and living
with his family freaks him out even more. I mean what
will he do with you? He has no way to even
pay for a
hotel if you two decide to
spend a weekend together.
Enough of my readers have told me of
such creeps that I am not sure if this man
is worth anything for you.
Tips to start a new life after
divorce
With all the bad news that I have given you,
fortunately, it is not the end of the world for you.
Within a few months, you will
get a divorce. I
understand that you
have a job and that is why it is
fair to assume that you are educated and have some
money
saved for emergencies. Yes, it is a tragic to find out
that you
spent so much time investing in a relationship
that is not real and has no future. I mean what future
do you see with him? He is a 19 year old who has no way
to support even himself and will most likely completely
freak out if you tell him that you want something more
than just chatting online. Or you will just end up
having one more liability on your hands, assuming he is
otherwise a decent man.
This is what I want you to do. Be careful in dealing
with him. You should right away stop emailing him photos
or chatting on webcam. You should also insist on
speaking to him on phone and threaten to
end the
relationship if he finds an excuse (it is very obvious
that he has a lot to hide from you). I also want you to
think hard about
what do you hope to accomplish from
this relationship.
Marry this man? Probably a bad idea.
I like to see
women marrying men who are stable, educated, and
independent.
If you realize, like me, that you two cannot
marry and
have a happy life as a couple, then, it is logical to
just end the relationship with him. I would not be
surprised that you were chatting all along with a person
who is not what he says he is and on the contrary is a
dangerous man.
You have already told me that you are an
attractive
woman because
men hit on you. If you do
like younger
men, I encourage you to consider them but do it the
old-fashioned way. Obviously, you have to remember that
you are a
single mom and the
man you date should be able
to live with that. My personal recommendation to
women
going through divorce is to give themselves 6 months to
a year is to choose to remain single and not seek a
serious relationship. That allows them to just
recover from an abusive relationship and a nasty divorce
and gives them the time to get
physically and
emotionally fit for a new relationship. Once you are
ready, then just start responding to all those men who
would want to be with such a
sweet and caring woman like
you. |
