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Brandi
writes, "My boyfriend and I have 18 year
age difference and
I believe he is cheating on me. We just found out
I'm 8 weeks
pregnant and it is sad because we had to
give away our first child for adoption and I am not
sure that we can keep this one. Our relationship is
definitely going downhill. We are
hardly intimate any more, we
constantly fight, he goes out to get
something and hours later returns with nothing at all (I
think this is his excuse for
meeting with other women). I keep finding
lipstick
marks on him everywhere, including
his
private parts, but he says it's from me. I don't own
anything with
glitter, no
makeup, nothing.
How
can I get the proof of his cheating?"
Evidence of cheating does not solve
the underlying problem
I think he is definitely
seeing other
women, but in my opinion you are wasting your time
looking for
evidence of his cheating. What good will it do? Yes,
right now he is denying it but if you had
solid proof of his cheating (you might need to keep
a close eye on his
cell phone
records,
credit card statements, and his whereabouts to nail
him), he will still do it and continue to mistreat you.
I think the more fundamental problem you are dealing
with is that you are in a
dysfunctional relationship (one
unplanned pregnancy leading to
adoption and then yet another
baby on its way that you both did not want and
should not have had considering that your
relationship is in trouble) and it will not get
better if you
find evidence of his cheating. If you presented that
proof it will only start a bigger fight.
Do you want to be with a man who
has no qualms about cheating?
What you have to decide is if you want to
spend your life with a man who does not respect you
or your relationship. If he is not doing this at this
stage, I have no hope that things will get any better
5,10, 20 years from now. Yes, you can hope for the best,
but signs from him are not encouraging. It would be much
better if you simply left this man and
started a new life.
Having said that, I still encourage you to talk to him
(without being combative or making accusations) to
figure out if you can
work as a couple to resolve your issues and have a
loving,
monogamous relationship. Maybe he has some issues of
his own too and you both will need to make compromises.
Use the help of a friend or family member of
therapist
to go through this process. If he is not willing nor
cooperative, then I would advise you to just
leave him. |
