There
I met Katsuya. It
started as friends, then moved on to an
affair. I fell madly in love with him but didn't want to
admit it to myself. I found everything I had dreamed of but
had my life already planned out and it couldn't include him.
My fiancé guessed what was going on before even I did and we
were worse than rocky, but we had such a good and easy
relationship, had been together for so long, that I tried to
ignore my feelings for Katsuya and reassured him. A lot
happened, a lot of bad, between me and my fiancé, but also
between me and Katsuya. He actually told me he
loved me on many occasions and I fully believe him still,
despite an incident between him and another girl. He was more
than upset at my refusal to break things off with my fiancé.
Me
and my fiancé split due in the end to him meeting someone
else. I left things with Katsuya on a fairly OK note, then
ruined it when I returned to England through my
depression
over
being alone and having to recover from the
breakup
of a 7 year relationship. Me and Katsuya have kept in touch
and I am going to
visit
him in Japan next month but now I'm really worried that he
will do the same as so many other
Japanese men seem to have
done in this situation.
His
family have met me (I took a short trip to his hometown when I
was still in China) but his family situation is complicated
and my Japanese is still very poor. It's not only Mia's story
of her experience that worries me. I have met two other
women who told very similar stories about relationships that
started when they were studying/working
in Japan. Will he
stay positive only until I return from
visiting him and then tell me we can't be together?"
What to do?
While I
would say that there is some evidence that you have (and so do
we of
commitment phobia in Japan in our 10 year history as a
website), I would still say that you should go with a
positive attitude, because we have also heard from women
who married these wonderful Japanese men and are living
happily. The good sign is that you have met his family,
though, I am curious how he introduced you - did he just tell
his parents that you were a friend or did he emphasize that
you were his
girlfriend (even this term in Japan is highly misused -
just because you are a girlfriend, it does not mean that he
has to be serious about it considering
renai and
seiai concepts) that he
intended
to marry some day. (Related:
Friend with benefits)
So stay
positive and give him the benefit of doubt, but when you are
with him, make sure that you raise the difficult questions. If
he evades them, you will know that he is no different than
what you expected. (Relationship:
How
to ask a man to commit)
Related:
Do Japanese
men like American girls
Why did my girlfriend leave me
Japanese boyfriend not responding
Noncommital boyfriend
Is he the one?
My boyfriend is scared to commit
Boyfriend not committing
How to find a man who does not want marriage |
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a story of one of our readers.