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Maria is
in a
long-distance, actually across two continents,
relationship with a man who is
noncommital. She writes, "I do e-mail to him every
day; that's the only way he can see that
I am serious
about us and he promptly replies my emails but he never
sends me an e-mail if I do not. He is a
divorced man with two kids and was
married for over 12 years. A lot of the times when I
talk to him he will say he was with his
ex-wife and his two daughters. I get so
jealous. I asked him if they are trying to
get back together and he said that he has to talk to
her daily about the kids but he has no plans to
remarry her. I feel he still loves her too much. I
can understand that because I am far, he is
lonely. Maybe if I can join him, he will change and
not
spend so much time with his ex. I really like him so
much. Though sometimes I ask myself that why should I
waste my feelings over this guy? Do you think to go out
with a
divorcee is fine?"
It sure is a little disturbing that he
spends so much time with his ex. It is
understandable that he has 2 kids with her and it is
natural for him to be there for them and that means with
his
ex-wife, but it also seems that he really has not
moved on.
How can couples assess their
relationships?
I would not be surprised if he really
does not feel as strongly about you as you do. Maybe he
just thinks of you as someone nice to know or someone to
exchange emails regularly but I am doubting if he thinks
of you as his girlfriend. Why don't you ask him this
directly? Ask him how does he see you and
what
future does he see for the relationship. Also hint
to him that you would like to
take the relationship to the next level by
immigrating to the United States so that you two can
be together. That will definitely tell you if he is
serious or not because if he jumps over the idea then
you would know that he really wants to be together. On
the contrary, if he finds excuses, then it will be clear
that he simply likes an email friendship with you. I
think you really need to find out what he thinks of your
email exchange and if you two have a future together. If
he simply thinks of you as an email friend or someone to
hang out with when he visits your country, then, you
really do not want to get so serious about him. |
