| Summary: Below is the
case of a woman who is miserable in her marriage but
with two young children and no money or job, she does
not have many choices to leave him. I give her
tips on how to develop a plan for leaving her abusive
husband and starting a new life.
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| Cate
writes, "I have two children (5 years and 6 months) and
I am
married to a military man. My
husband and I are opposites in everything. We are
not happy and he is mean to the children but not
abusive.
I want to leave but
I have no job (I am a
vet)
and no family or friends to help me out. We have
no money either because
we have debt and he spends every last penny.
How do I get out?
Where do I go?
How will I support my children? I am
scared of how he will react. I am also very
scared of being on my own."
You are in a very difficult
situation, particularly because of young kids. It looks
like you have nowhere to go. That is why as hard as it
may sound, I would like you to hang in there because if
you leave, you will not only be in a lot of trouble you
might end up homeless, especially with the economy being
so tough.
What
I want you to think though that this is not going to be
forever. I am assuming that you have already tried to
work things out with your husband (if not, give it a
chance because remember that we are all different and
the key is not to try to change the partner but to work
around it) and as soon as you are ready, you will
leave. That will make even the most difficult
moments sound a little bit better because you now have
hope and can look to the future.
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To prepare
for the future, here are a few things to try:
- Save every penny you can and
put it away so that you cannot touch it. Trust me, even
pennies and dollars eventually add up. Just an example,
if you can skip that
tea outside or if you can simply sew a piece of
clothing rather than throw it away to buy a new one will
save a lot of money. When friends and family members
want to
give you a gift, ask for something that you
absolutely need or tell them to simply give you
cash. In summary, you want to
save money to prepare to leave.
- Think about getting a job now or a
bit later. Do not fall for one of those
work-from home, get rich overnight scams but think
hard about
what you can do from home now and
what type
of job you can get later on. For the time being,
just to give you an idea, if you have a skill, you can
work whenever you have some time and then sell it on a
website like Etsy or Ebay. These are more
reliable ways to make money than to get scammed. In
case you need more education, give it some thought and
see if you can study something online.
- I am sure that he will
not be happy when you tell him that you are
leaving but you have to do
what will make you happy and not worry what he
will say or think. When you are ready to tell him,
get an attorney before you tell him, and ask for his
help in dealing with him. Tell him in a lawyer's office
rather than in private if you are afraid of
violence.
- Since you are so used to being with
him and now have his kids, I can understand how you
might be scared of being on your own, but trust me that
money is the biggest source of safety and confidence.
That is why I want you to wait till you have some money
and also you have figured out a way to
bring steady income each month. When you have no
money, even a small problem can seem insurmountable and
almost anything can derail your life, but having
money makes small troubles small and life is
somewhat easier.
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| Related:
How to
make a plan to leave my husband
Why I decided to stay in a bad marriage |
