I have doubts about marrying a much older woman

But we are so much in love

Summary: A young girl who is deeply and madly in love with a divorced man much older than her wonders if she should marry him and I tell her that if it is the love of a lifetime then she should do so; if not, she is better off waiting to find a man without baggage.

Andrea writes, "I am 21 and am seeing a man who is 38. He's got three kids of whom the first born son is already 18 (yes, he married young and they had a son right away). I love him but I don't know whether marrying him is a good idea. I am afraid my family may not approve but I'm so in love. Please advise."

I generally support that people marry based on love rather than age and a lot of people keep writing to me about these relationships that work out well. Now because you have some doubts in your mind, here are some things to consider before you make up your mind about continuing to date him and maybe marrying him some day:

He has baggage. Three kids is a lot of responsibilities that will take his time and money, especially if he has full custody of them.
You are still very young. Maybe you don't have enough experience yet with men and relationships and fell in love with the first man who treated you like a princess. Have you dated a lot of men? Can you continue to date more and find someone like him who is also closer to your age and does not have so many kids?
Why would your family oppose? Are they worried about his age, the three kids, or that he is taking advantage of your inexperience?

So, spend some time thinking about these issues and if you conclude that he is the love of your life and it would be a mistake to let this wonderful man go, then tie the knot. I know true love is hard to find and if you think you have found it and will never find another man like him ever, then it is a good idea to marry him, but in this relationship he has a lot to gain and you don't. I think you still have a lot of chances to meet another good guy because you have just started dating and 21 is too young an age to get married.

Write to Jay

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