writes, "I have an
affair going on with a married man but as far as I
know he loves me more than I love him. I can't figure
out which level of relationship will I place ours. I
know I am
cheating on my husband and sometimes I asked myself
why. But if I sit and think, all comes back to my
husband cheating on me before. But it's so unfair to
him, as I thought I shouldn't bring that back. I'm into
his situation now and I don't exactly know what to do.
The man I'm with now won't
let me go. I often tell him I'm
still in love with my husband, but he said he's not
ready to let me go. I want this to stop, because I can't
hurting my husband even if he still doesn't know
about it yet. I am willing to tell him soon. I had
sex with this man but when we did that I was
thinking of my husband. Every time we're together, I
kept thinking of my husband, the long talks, the happy
laughs and the tiny sweet notes we left for each other.
How will I end this?"
Here are my thoughts:
How to get out from this cycle of
doubt and cheating?
My initial advice would be to look at
this more objectively. If you are truly
in love with
your husband, the
desire to cheat shouldn't be there. In
case you both love each other and something is missing
then I think you should talk about it and see how to fix
it. And if you think hard about it and realize that you
just want to believe that you love him but you don't,
then, it is better to just
end the marriage. It is
pointless to be in a marriage when it is not awesome.
And if you do realize that you and your husband are
seriously in love, but there is a different type of
company that you need (for instance, you could be
architecture and your husband might hate it,
it is best to seek
platonic friends who you can proudly
introduce to your husband).
Also if you have not yet seen the movie "Bob
& Carol & Ted & Alice" check it out. It isn't really
about your situation but I think it will give you some
food for thought.