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Nanette
writes, "I would like your advice. I will turn 20 soon,
he just turned 67. He told me he's had interest in me
earlier (he's an
artist and I'm studying in his studio), but waited
until I turn 18. We see each other in secrecy, but I
believe that some of my
closest
friends suspect that we have something special. This
may sound as if I am shocked at what is happening and I
was about two years ago when he first
approached me, but I've warmed up to him and...it
seems he has too - he is being extremely
attentive and caring towards me. He's had some
problems with his own family, so maybe he is just
seeking my company to have a break from that all, but,
he does say that our relationship is probably wrong.
Still, it seems that we both can't stop it and frankly
I'm not willing to either. With him, I feel loved
and cared for more than ever with no demands. The
secrecy is quite a burden, but we would be separated if
any of our family members would find out. We do
use
protection, but we both are constantly worried that
I might get pregnant. He told me I'm his
ideal woman, whether to believe it or not, I'm not
sure. If he does mean it, I will continue seeing him no
matter what. What are your thoughts?"
This is definitely a very interesting case.
Generally when such
young girls date really old men, the relationship is
for the purpose of
finding a
sugar daddy but in your case it seems that you truly
have
fallen in love with him and seem to gain no
financial
benefit from the relationship.
Relationship based on love last
forever regardless of differences
I am generally a big supporter of
relationships with huge age gaps as long as they are
based on love for each other and have a future.
I have found that when stronger
forces
of love and
commitment bring a couple together,
age becomes immaterial.
In your case, it seems that while you both seem to love
each other, this
relationship has no future. If you two cannot be
together because your
family
opposes it, then it is something that you can do for
fun and it will be an interesting experience for you but
I would advise you not to get too
emotional about it. I am skeptical of this
man's intentions because
he wants
the relationship to be a secret and maybe simply
using you as a toy for his own pleasure, taking
advantage of your naïveté and age, and saying to you
what you want to hear.
I do not like to pass judgment on people's relationships
because for me
love is the most important thing and that is why I
have no opinion if this relationship is wrong or not. If
this gives joy to both of you, then enjoy the precious
moments that you have with him. I am sure once this
ends, you can
move on
and
find another man. You would have had an enriching
experience and experienced
true
love at such an early age.
I am also assuming that you do
love him and would love him even if he were 20 years
old. A lot of
women love much older men because they have not had
the
joy of having a father to love and their boyfriend
is a substitute for their father. If you see him as a
father
figure, then it is probably a bad idea to date him.
Instead, you should work on your issues with the help of
a
therapist, because if you do not resolve them, you
would always be a potential victim of
manipulative men.
Finally, I want you both to be extra careful while
having sex because while you maybe able to
hide your relationship from the family, you would
not be able to hide a
pregnancy. Just to be extra safe, you can start
taking the
pill and then also use a condom every single time. |
