| Carol
writes, "I am a 31 year old
single mom of three, two of those with a 57 year old
man. He was and still is with a woman he has other kids
with and have been with for at least 20 years. She is a
year older than him and he is more interested in her
than me. He wanted me to move because we live across the
parking lot from each other. He lives with her, he takes
her out, never took me anywhere, he
ignores our kids totally, because of her. The only
thing he wanted from me was
money and
sex. He
tore my self-esteem down to the point that I didn't
care how I looked or anything, but it made me wonder why
he chooses her over me? Her breath stinks, she wears
scarves,
bandanas outside, dirty gym shoes. She will wear the
same clothes for a month. I can look out of my window; I
have seen this for myself. Now she has started wearing a
wig.
He told me last year that
she is dying. I have heard from other people that
she is very sick at times. She has diabetes, high blood
pressure, and something else wrong. She is an
ugly woman -- I know the old saying that
beauty is
in the eyes of the beholder -- but my god. Last year
he saw me with a guy I started dating and he would frown
at us. Why? I don't frown at him when he is with her. He
used to say I was very pretty to him, yet he takes her
out and has never taken me anywhere. Even when I was
going to pay. He used to sneak up here to see me and the
kids, but he stopped after neighbors and her friends saw
him leaving out of my building. It hurts because he
don't spend time with my kids. He is bonded with his
girlfriend's kids and grandkids. We watch him holding
them, getting in the car with her, the kids/grandkids
but when the kids he have with me walks past him, he
don't speak, or he runs into the house. The only time he
speaks to my kids is if we run into each other around
the corner from each other. He used to want me to move
claiming he would move in with me. Yeah, sure right? He
says she will try to get us thrown out of the complex we
stay in if he moved up here. She is friends with the
building manager. When my kids do ask where their dad
is, which my 3 year old does, I point down the street.
Why is it okay for him to bond with his kids he have
with her but ignore my two kids that are his?"
This
man is a very troubled person and he took advantage of
your kindness and naïveté. He never really intended to
leave his girlfriend or family and whatever he told
you was to make you feel good so that you will give him
what he wanted.
This
man
abused your
love and trust and you are wasting your time even
thinking about him or why he is with his family or why
you are better than them. You need to
get on with your life without him, because he is not
coming back to you, and since you are still very young,
you have a much better chance of
finding a normal relationship, than waiting 10 more
years and realizing that it is much harder because of
your age.
In
the meantime, you should discuss your situation with an
attorney so that he will be legally liable to
pay child support for these kids and spend time with
them. You are just 31 and already have three kids with
two different men, both of whom are not involved with
raising these kids. This is pretty dysfunctional
already and if you do not
straighten your life at this point, time will just
fly by and neither your nor your kids'
lives will get better. |
