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Cindy
writes, "I'm 21 and three months
pregnant. Me and the unborn child's father had been
split up for three weeks when I found out that
I was pregnant (though I have a feeling that he
might have known it because we did not use protection),
but we were still
sleeping together and
saying I love you to each other. When I told him he
stuck by my side for 2 weeks then slowly drifted away,
ignoring my phone calls and not coming by. Finally I
asked him if we were going to be together when the
baby was born and he told me that my other two kids
did not respect him and he has never seen me mad and he
didn't see
how he could make me happy if he
wasn't happy with himself. Well, I backed off and
respected what he said even though it hurt, but still
after all that he continued to say that he loved me and
referred to me as his wife. This did not last too long
and he started ignoring me again. My friends tell me to
give him space and hopefully he will change; he has
been a
bachelor his whole life and this is his
first child. I don't understand; can you please help
me?"
Commitment phobes do not like
responsibilities
This
man is a very typical example of a
man who wants to have all the fun but does not want to
take responsibility for anything. No wonder he has
been a
single his whole life. He is basically a
commitment phobic man. It is very clear that he
likes you but not necessarily as much to marry you. By
being nice to you from time to time or calling you his
wife, he is basically doing it to make you feel good and
not fight with him or to
give him sex or whatever else he can get out of you
(he might also be doing it to not antagonize you so that
you will not sue him). His attitude indicates that he
really does not want to take responsibility for this
child and you are basically on your own.
A man who refuses to care for his
child is not worth being with
I am
not sure that this man will change or that he may even
be around for too long. I would not be surprised if he
just disappeared one day or even if he were around it
will be a pain to
get any child support out of him. Considering that
at the age of 21 you already have two kids and a third
one coming, without him being around,
how will
you take care of these kids? You should get hold of
this man, make him sit down with you, and for the last
time ask him if he is going to be a
dad to this child or not. If he refuses to be there,
then, it is best to throw him out altogether and you
have to decide what to do. You can discuss your legal
options with an
attorney
and if your
belief system permits an
abortion,
you may consider that. |
