I miss my loser boyfriend

As time went by, we got along GREAT! He's fun, very attentive, and great sex. He had his own rental house and a job. However, about 7 months later (I had finally moved in to my own house after living with my mother from the split with my husband), Doug had to get out of his house and kinda decided to live with me. I say 'kinda' because we never really talked about it, it just happened. He had lost his job. He did get another after 4-5 months, but it was short lived. He is a dry-waller. So jobs come and go. We still got along great and Doug is a cook also. So he did help with that and yard-work, cleaning the house, etc. We hardly ever fought but when we did it was pretty bad and he always resorted to packing his stuff until I begged him to stay and work through things. He just explodes - doesn't talk. Doug is probably on the immature side, but being very attentive to me (very huggy-kissy, baby talk) and being my self esteem is lousy, I ate it up. We did get along great and he was a good companion.  However hardly ever worked and didn't really look for it. Again, sometimes I was working two jobs. I currently just have one. He would sit at home. He did have band practice two times a week in which I had to give him gas money and provide him with chewing tobacco often. When he did work, he did offer me some money but nowhere near 1/2 of everything. I have a very nice home I rent and very nice things. He had it real cushy, believe me. He could sleep a lot and had a video game problem and would play all night and sleep all day. Also had a porn addiction issue which I really hated. He didn't know I knew he watched it while I was at work. This made me really mad. I confronted him a couple times in the two years we were together, but nothing really changed except his hiding places.

The last issue was this weekend. He had gone to his buddy's house at 11:30 Saturday morning to fix his truck and was there for almost a day and I hadn't heard from him all day. This on my day off. I work all week and he does not - it's our time together. Anyway when he came home at 8:00 the next morning - it was on - he calls me names when we fight, and gets physical - pushing, holding, grabbing my neck - but no hits. He said it was all my fault - I should have been sitting by the phone and waiting for his call. Also should have came and got him. Again says he's moving out. He had "moved out" for two weeks staying at his mom's 2 months prior, but we did talk and he did move back in.

This time I didn't stop him and also got pretty sarcastic and mean - saying things I guess that had been building up for awhile (the TV going 24/7, no job, no money, knowing that he watches porn while I work, etc.) He also called the police saying he just wanted to leave and I wasn't letting him. I was letting him, but not letting everything I paid for go also! I guess he got confused what my concerns were about leaving! The police cannot take sides, but they knew the issue by reading between the lines I think and by asking me a couple questions. Even afterwards the officer said, I can't tell you what to do, but I hope you don't take this guy back. Now it's been two days, I miss him terribly, cry a lot, don't sleep. I wonder if I should have not made such a thing out of the last issue. I love him so much and can't believe how he can turn it on and off so quickly. I'm very giving and my best friend says I have the biggest heart for people. She thinks he was taking advantage of me and I was his meal ticket.

I have done a lot of searching on the web about losers and he seems to fit the pattern perfectly. But when things are good - and it was the majority of the time - he was perfect to me. I have to say he was controlling though. I can't believe he didn't love me and was just tricking me. He would have to get the Academy award because he really really was good to me. Very loving. Or else I'm wondering if I should get the stupid award? I don't think he'll come back this time - I pretty much humiliated him in front of the police - and he didn't know I knew a lot of what I was saying about him. He's only said sorry a couple times in our relationship - because he always thinks he's right. But if he did come back I'm afraid I would take him back in a heartbeat. All my family and friends now think this needs to end and he is a loser. So I may not have a problem with even getting a choice to take him back - but I feel badly how I acted."

I think a man like that is easy to find -- a lot of men will happily make a woman feel like a princess if she has a nice place to live, and helps them out financially. I mean, even as a very good man that I am, will I stop working and take it easy if a woman were to financially support me? Absolutely! In return, I will happily make her feel good, particularly if she had never been treated the right way. I might even fall in love with her because she is such a good woman. However, you have to realize that such relationships are not healthy and a relationship is more than just being nice. This man knows how to take advantage of you and eventually you will realize that you are merely taking care of him like a baby.

I really hope that you will give some thought to what I have written and reevaluate your priorities and relationship.

You are behaving like this because you have never had a "normal" relationship with a man who has pride, honor, self-worth and treats his partner with respect and love. You miss him and will take it back because you feel that he is the best that you can get and probably do not deserve better. You have a job, you have a good heart, and you sound like a sweet woman. You definitely deserve better and if you hang on to this man, you will never get a better man. It is a great break in your life that this man is gone because you can now focus on finding a better man.

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