 Michelle
writes, "I've been
friends with a male neighbor for a few years now.
He's about 3 years younger than me. When I first met
him, I was out in my yard and he stopped and started
talking to me. After that he talked to me every time he
saw me. At the library,
grocery
store, taking a walk -- he just used to bug me
slightly. At the time I was in a
long
distance relationship with a man that I love and he
was trying to
get me back
after a breakup and I knew that eventually I would
give him another chance. And I did and he blew it
yet again. That was a year ago and I have made a
vow of celibacy and to only date someone who treated
me right and that is all I want. My neighbor always used
to hit on me and I played it off like he was
joking. Never taking him seriously but I told him
about my
long distance relationship. I saw him a couple of
weeks ago, we drove around and talked. It felt so right
being with him and the past week or so I've been getting
urges for him. Now I've been
celibate
for a year and plan to stay so until I meet Mr. Right.
Could these urges just be that I'm
dying for some intimacy with a man or am I just
seeing this warm, friendly, loving, talented, ambitious
man clearly for the first time since I
got my
boyfriend out of my life? And if it is real --
because I've been thinking I'm
falling in love with him -- what should I do. I
always used to play off his passes and he didn't make
one when we were together the last time. But I've been
having these urges to just see him and talk to him and I
never used to before. I need advice please."
It is natural for a woman to want to
be with a man
I think you are seeing a mix of
emotions. Being celibate is hard and obviously that is a
factor, but I also like to believe that the way you are
feeling about this man goes beyond being just
lonely. You have known this man for years now and
you have been able to judge him all along as a human
being rather than a romantic interest. That is why you
have been able to see him differently. And it seems that
he has stood the test of time. Based on what you say
about him, he seems like a
good man.
This is what I suggest. First of all, get a yellow pad
and write down exactly what do you want in Mr. Right.
Then against each quality write down how important it is
by marking them as MUST/FLEXIBLE/NEVER (e.g.
good health could be a must,
hair color could be flexible, and
smoking could be a never -- these are just examples
but you will need to develop your own list).
Secondly,
ask him out on a date. Yes, it is OK to do that.
Tell him that whenever he approached you in the past,
the timing was not right, and now it is and you want to
give him a chance. Share with him your decision to be
celibate and how you want to wait till you have met Mr.
Right. After the
first date you can decide to go on another one based
on how you feel after comparing him to the list that you
have (I would love to hear from you and give you some
direction on what to do). I mean you have to start
somewhere to
find that Mr. Right and this man may just be one
candidate for that job, so you should give him that
chance. |
